Do you know your awkward arm from a dick magnet?
Urban Dictionary, the only dictionary you write, is a veritable treasure trove for those looking to substantially expand their handle on common English slang. For anyone who has spent more than two minutes on the largely unedited social dictionary, they will also notice that things get real raunchy real fast. Because yesterday you brushed up on your erotic vocabulary of yore, we thought we'd provide you with an ultra contemporary guide to the sex vernacular. So modern, in fact, that some of these words and phrases are completely made up.
1. Awkward Arm
When spooning, the arm that has absolutely nowhere to go. It is neither comfortable underneath your partner or under you. It is the devil's appendage. In most cases, you just want to lob off the awkward arm.
As Von Hayes so succinctly puts it, "The delicately balanced art of getting your cock sucked while taking a dump."
3. Booty Grazing
This is the act of sending a mass generic booty text to a whole slew of people in hopes that one of them will actually respond. Something like, "Want to meet up later?" user jscilz offers.
4. Dick Magnet
Anyone or anything who rather easily attracts men – including straight guys.
5. Eskimo Brother
It's a special relationship. Jan the Man explains, "When two males acknowledge having been intimate with the same female and remain on good terms, the men are now bonded by having shared the same igloo at one time or another."
The person in the adult industry whose job it is to perform oral sex on male porn stars in order to prepare them for scenes. This job does not actually exist.
Someone who is generally straight, but in certain circumstances, this can be amended. KingdomO explains , "I am straight but shit happens."
The unexpected nap one takes immediately following masturbation. It is often unplanned.
9. Ninja Sex
User Randi Red says, ninja sex describes those rare times when you find yourself "having noiseless sex (no squeaking springs or vocals) while one or more people are passed out in the same room."
10. Polar Express
Not the Tom Hanks children's film. "When a woman has something cold in her mouth (ie. ice cream, ice chips),while giving oral pleasure to a man," says bigredmoosekrash.
Here's the best part of Urban Dictionary: when it uses our dumb internet behavior to create new terminology. Liferdown gets meta: "You meant to type in porn on Google but you made a typo and typed porb instead. You then saw the urban dictionary page which made you curious so you clicked on it. Now you are reading this."
12. Restless Dick Syndrome
User m.c. phatback defines Restless Dick Syndrome as, "When you try and and wake up your bed-mate in the middle of the night by poking her in the back with your burgeoning hard on." It can be chronic. Also, rude.
Currently and inexplicably trending on the main site, tittybong is more than a northern locale in Australia. It is also, according to stone flint, the act of breasts suddenly leaping from their underwire constraints. "Tittybong!" therefore could be used as an exclamation of pleasure.
For the taciturn Millennials, twitterbanging involves sleeping with someone with whom you've exchanged less than 140 words.
Not a mythological white horned horse but, "a bisexual person, usually though not always female, who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will date and become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience to that couple," explains Joreth. Also known as a third.
Image via Veer.