Storytime with… a Tantric Sex Coach
"Because I teach what I teach, there have been times that people have been a little afraid of me."
Laurie Handlers teaches "workshops for women, men, couples, and singles" that include "ancient Indian, Tibetan and Egyptian tantric techniques and secrets." Her vision, according to her site, is, "Women and Men Dancing in Eternal Ecstasy on Earth Now," which is something we can get behind, so we thought we'd ask her a little more about it.
What is your main theory about sex and spirituality that you ground your teaching in?
I believe that sexual energy runs the world. I also think that sex energy can be used for healing ailments that people have. People can use sex energy to do things, like make babies, and then when they’re finished making babies, there’s a whole lot of other things they can make with their sex energy.
… Is sex energy what’s making babies?
Well, people have tons of sex energy, and they’re usually using it to populate or masturbate. But sex energy is creation, it’s creative energy. So you could use sex magic and sexual energy to fuel anything.
Does everyone have innate sexual energy ?
What about someone who identifies as asexual?
Well, I would say that their sexual energy is probably suppressed, that they've learned to suppress it.
For someone who was suppressing their sexual energy, what would you suggest they do?
If someone wanted to bring out their sexual energy, I’d have them do lots of self-pleasuring exercises, to learn how to explore their own bodies and how to turn themselves on. I don’t care if they have a partner or not — sexual energy is sexual energy. I’d help them to direct their orgasms toward what they want in life. And that requires being very clear about their intentions .
What do you mean by intentions? Like life goals?
I mean what you want out of life.
I would say that with masturbation, your intention would be an orgasm.
I would tell someone to put their intention before the orgasm. Let’s say somebody wanted to write a book, or to attract a partner, or to make $3,000 more a month. I would tell them to set that as their intention, and then to fuel their intention with their orgasm. The pleasure is wonderful, don’t get me wrong. Incredible pleasure that rattles your body and shakes your bones is really important in and of itself. But sex is our greatest life force, which is an added benefit.
In what way, literally, would you use sex energy to fuel your intention?
I would set the intention before I had an orgasm, and then while I was having an orgasm, I would focus on that intention. I could be going, “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god… $3,000!” [Laughs] You know, I could be screaming anything.
But do you find that this takes away from the sexual experience? From sex as a purely, er, sexual thing? Wouldn’t tying your financial goals to an orgasm take away from the orgasm itself?
No, not at all. Au contraire. I find it very exciting. I have a new partner in my life now, and we’re doing sex magic. And it’s turning him on, he’s really excited.
So give me an example of how you would do this with your partner.
I’ll say, “What do you want?” And he’ll say, “I want $10,000 more a month, I want total health.” “And I want three new employees.” And we talk about it beforehand, and then we turn it into sex energy. And then at the moment of orgasm, whether it’s an orgasm alone, or an orgasm together, I might say, “What do you want?! What do you want?!” And he starts screaming out the things we had talked about earlier.
But don’t you ever wish that when you say, “What do you want?” instead of “$10,000” he would just say, “you”? Like, “I want this sex right now” rather than something financial?
Well he might be saying all that, and then I might say, “Well, what else do you want?” And he might say, “Money, vitality, power.” It can happen simultaneously.
What would you say has been one specific experience with a couple that you’ve found to be the most interesting or the most challenging?
I saw a young couple who, when they came in, he felt more sexual than she did. So I told him to continue to expand his sexuality and continue to charge his sexual expression towards her, and also by himself. For her, we did a lot of clearing work. I worked with her to release what was suppressing her. She had tremendous desire for him, but she didn’t have a desire for sex. So I had them do solo practice and together practice. His practice was more sexual, and hers was more a release, an emotional release. It’s interesting too, because she finally had a huge breakthrough and they turned around. She’s so physical now, he’s a little scared.
During private sessions, have you ever watched a couple being intimate?
I do teach people how to use G-spot stimulation tools, and to help women get orgasms from the G-spot. I like being with a couple intimately to show them how to do that, but I don’t watch them having sex or anything. I show them how to breathe, how to make noises to communicate more clearly, and then they go off and use what I taught them in their private life. I also teach people how to move with a partner, how not to just depend on your partner to bring you to orgasm.
You say on your website, “good sex is all about being in the present moment,” so what would you say about fantasizing during sex? Does that take away from the sexual experience?
I can’t make a blanket statement like, "Fantasy is no good." I would need to be very upfront about it with my partner. Like, “I’m going to fantasize about something during sex and I’ll tell you about it later.” But for me to have a fantasy during sex about someone else… I guess my fear is that someone would need to have that same fantasy over and over to get off. In my early years, I had to have sex a certain way to have an orgasm. It was very limited. And now, nothing is limited. I’m completely responsible for my orgasm, and it’s hotter than ever.
So even during sex with your partner, would you say you’re completely responsible for your orgasm?
So, everyone is capable of having a really intense sexual experience or orgasm, regardless of who they’re having sex with?
I don’t know. I want to say yes, but that’s too… If a person is aware that they’re responsible for their life, then yes, they can have an intense sexual experience regardless of who they’re having sex with. I think the potential exists.
So now that you’ve reached this level of sexual awareness, what would you say has been your most intense sexual experience, or the one that stands out most to you?
Currently, my most intense sexual experience is telling my partner exactly what I want, telling him how I want to be touched, how I want to be caressed. I don’t know how to put it into words; it doesn’t matter exactly what he’s doing, if we’re having intercourse, vaginally or anally, it doesn’t matter what we’re doing, it’s really the way we look at each other and the way that we touch each other that makes me feel like I’m shaken to the core. I’m sweating and I’m shaking, and he’s shaking, and we’re shocked that we’ve reached into each other so deeply.
So then don’t you think that you could attribute some of that sexual pleasure to your specific partner, rather than something that could come from just anyone?
Yes, it’s true. In this respect, my partner is very sensitive, connected, comfortable in his skin. He needs to be; because I teach what I teach, there have been times that people have been a little afraid of me.