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Storytime with... A Sex Coach
"People say, "This is better than sex," and I think to myself, "You don't know the kind of sex I'm talking about. Fuck that chocolate chip cookie."
by Kate Hakala
Eric Amaranth is a "sex life coach who specializes in women's and men's sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education," according to his web site. Naturally, we wanted to talk to him. After reading this, you will too.
What made you decide to be a "sex life coach?" Did you grow up wanting to be one or was something you fell into?
I didn't always want to be a sex coach. I don't think anybody would. It started with me being a teenager wanting to learn how to pull my weight in bed. I'd go to the bookstores and go into the Sexuality and Self-Help section; I definitely didn't have the guts to buy the books yet. I asked myself, "How do you be a good lover?" It kind of grew from there. I found a book in college that my mentor, Betty Dodson, wrote. She was going places that other books weren't, because other books were just kind of wimpy, like, "Give her roses and hug her." Which, okay that's fine, but I want to know how you actually rub a clitoris to make it orgasm all over the bed. Plus, her art was hot. I went and contacted her, asked her about a section in her book, and she liked it, liked what I was thinking. We got together after that.
So, you and Betty Dodson slept with one another? [Famed sex educator and guru Betty Dodson was sixty-nine when she and Eric met; he was was twenty-two — Ed.]
Yes. We were involved for nine years.
What do you think was the best thing she taught you?
Understanding the power of combining clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration. If a woman doesn't know how to do that, give her the means to learn. There are some women out there who will say, "Well, that doesn't work for me," but that's only because your mind and body haven't learned to integrate the two.
So, you think that's a universal need for women? Are there universal needs in the bedroom?
The one universal need I can think of is a bit political. Men have easier access to their orgasm than women do, in a heterosexual dynamic. So the first universal need is to have that equalized, to the point where the guy or her, between the pair of them, can create those orgasms easily and consistently. And that's a real problem right now, but it's getting better in the last ten or fifteen years I've been doing this.
What are some of the things out there now that are making things better for sex?
I've noticed, looking at porn and men's magazines, that male-targeted sex resources are gradually putting more clitoris into the action. For a long time they didn't. It all started with, "The penis has to create everything. My penis will make you come. Roar!" If you're suddenly denying that fundamental, neurological hook-up because of ego and ignorance, we have a problem. Then the male ego is not only cheating women, it's cheating men.
Does your experience as a sex coach help you in the bedroom?
Yeah, of course. My first interest in learning more about sex came from wanting to get better myself. There were all these sexual things that I was curious about, about whether they were shows put on in porn, or whether they could be legitimately amazing for women. I always had a really strong erotic attachment to a woman receiving stimulation and pleasure. When clients ask me, "What kind of man should I look for?" that's the type of man you should look for. I'd say that's maybe 40% of the population. Other guys, it's all about them and they don't really care about her or they just don't know any better. But I think most guys, if you show them a woman really enjoying herself, they'll say, "Oh my god, that's the hottest thing I've ever seen." Then they're motivated to do things that are amazing, because part of their enjoyment is seeing you in those states.
What about vice-versa? Do you believe in that whole, "Men are more visual than women and women are more mental than men," thinking?
Women are almost as visual as men, they're finding out. Men have more testosterone, so they're more quickly affected by visuals. But if women aren't titillated by visuals, then why are there Chippendales? Why do women get lap dances from other women?