Austin, 23, Portland, OR
Do you have any crazy hookup stories?
One time, I was at a party at my friend D.'s house. I met this hot girl, and we had this crazy, instant chemistry, so we went to D.'s room to have sex. So we're doing it, and halfway through, it started to feel really good — like, too good. It didn't occur to me right away, but the condom came off. So I stopped, and when I pulled out, the condom had just disappeared. Vanished. We tore the place apart looking, but — nothing. We were in my friend's bedroom, so I didn't want to just leave it there for him to come across later.
What did you do?
Okay, so, my friend D. happened to have this pair of forceps that he got at The Salvation Army.
Because that's the best place to get semi-used gynecological equipment...
In Portland, anyway. So, D. used to go out with the girl I was having sex with, who was still a good friend of his. So she asked D. to look around inside her for the condom, using the forceps.
Why weren't you recruited for the job, instead of D.?
I'd never used forceps before, and I didn't want to, you know, do any damage. D. used to be an EMT.
So he had basic training in emergency condom removal?
More than I did!
What happened next?
I went down in the courtyard of the house to chill out. After a few minutes, D. came out on the balcony and waved the forceps, which were holding the condom. He yelled out, "I found it!"
In other words, a latter-day version of the balcony scene from Romeo & Juliet.