Dr. Judith Stacey, "sixty-something"

Author of Unhitched: Love, Marriage, and Family Values From West Hollywood to Western China, Professor of Social and Cultural Analysis, New York University

How did you start your career in women's studies?
Well, I'm a classic product of the 1960s youth movements. It was my involvement in the women's-liberation movement and feminism that led to my participation in a lot of things, before there was such a thing as women's studies. I was part of the generation that created what came to be called women's studies, and then later gender or sexuality studies. 

Were you always open-minded in regards to sex?
No, I certainly was raised not to be [laughs]. That was part of the discovery of feminism, to challenge a lot of the ideas — I was a teenager in the 1950s, which meant that we were taught to be "good girls," not "bad girls," along with all kinds of rules about sexual repression and propriety. I bought most of the line. It really wasn't until the emergence of the women's liberation movement that I, along with maybe hundreds of thousands of other women, began to re-examine what I had been taught and to gradually change my ideas about all of that. 

Do you think people have certain preconceptions about you and your own sexuality? 
In my particular case, I think that people who don't know me or only know that I'm a scholar in this field or know some of my work assume that I'm a lesbian. I've done a lot of research and publishing in the last ten or fifteen years about gay parenting and children and gay-male intimacy, so it's often presumed that I'm a lesbian, but actually, I'm not. Also, there are a lot of people who just automatically presume that a feminist has a certain set of ideas about sexuality.

Did your academic work affect your relationship with your own sexuality? 
Oh, sure. There's a great book by Rutgers' Arlene Stein called Sex and Sensibility which treats the period when a lot of feminists — actually, a lot of women — made a decision to become lesbians out of a political commitment rather than out of a automatic, spontaneous sexual desire. There was a period when a lot of us were examining why we desired men and if we did or why we didn't. I went through all of that with my peers and I think that informed a lot of my approach to scholarship as well.

Are gender-studies professors more vocal in their own sex life?
Well, I think that people who take gender studies seriously are more reflective about the character of relations between men and women and concepts of femininity and masculinity and their behaviors in all domains, including the intimate domain. As I said before, there are many feminists who turn that into a serious wariness about men and heterosexuality. There are others who become much more permissive, libertine. 

If a girl was uncomfortable with her boyfriend's porn-watching habits, what would you suggest? An alternative pornography?
Well, first of all, I would probably personally not be that concerned about all of the content. I'm sure I would find some of the content offensive, but most I just don't find very erotic. I don't think I would be all that concerned if my lover were turned on by watching porn that I didn't find sexy. I would be much more concerned about his sexual behaviors and sexual latitudes, how honest he was, how reciprocal the relationship was, how interested he was in my needs and desires as well as his own. 

Do you have a favorite euphemism for the vagina or the penis?
Not really. I probably use plenty of the standards — you know, "cock," "cunt," and "pussy." Nothing original. 

What do you think about the whole culture of taboo surrounding the word "cunt?"
Well, it depends on the context in which you use it. I don't use it very often in my lectures. I don't think a lot about it. In other words, I think that words are powerful and have huge connotations and emotional impact on people. It's always important to know who you are speaking to and what their context is and what yours is. 

I'm a feminist, but I fantasize about being called a slut and getting slapped in bed. Do you think this goes against being a feminist? 
No, I don't think it goes against being a feminist, but it's easy to understand the feelings of conflict involved. I think it's a normal part of human sexuality, and there are as many men who want to be slapped. So yeah, to have sexual desires that are embarrassing doesn't mean that you're a wimp. In fact, there's a lot of evidence that some of the most powerful men are the men who want to be dominated. Sometimes it's the more powerful women who want to submit and subordinate themselves for a while as a form of relief. My presumption about the desire to be spanked or dominated is that all human infants are dependent and confuse love and discipline early.

In regards to your own sex life, what is one class you wish you could have taken? 
Well, I wish I could have taken my own class! I teach a course on the sociology of sexual diversity, and we weren't taught anything at all about cultural and historical differences in sexuality. I certainly I wish I could've been introduced to concepts of female pleasure. I certainly wish I had been introduced to feminism before I was a teenager and to have understood the power plays and to have been able to reflect on the relationship between sex and power and not to have bought hook, line, and sinker the complete ideology of my time.