Virginia, 25

What do you do?
I'm a freelance writer.

Do you meet people through that?
Actually, I do meet a lot of cute guys, but I can't really date any of them. When you meet somebody in a professional environment, you just don't really think of them that way.

Where do you typically meet people you want to date?
We'll meet at a friend's party or something like that. I feel like it works out best when you're introduced through someone you know, because that kind of lends credibility. You can meet someone at a bar or wherever, but then it puts a lot of pressure on you to contact each other, when you don't really have anybody in common that would invite you to the same events or anything like that.

When did you start dating?
My first boyfriend was when I was fifteen. That relationship weighs in as my second longest at two years, which was a really bad idea in high school. I kind of wish that my parents hadn't let me date him. After that I wasn't in another relationship until college. That lasted a little over two years and has been my longest. But it probably should have ended after about a year, maybe less. Maybe it never should have started. I'd say the last year and a half of that, I knew that we needed to break up, but I was afraid to break up with him. He was very insecure and emotionally volatile and would get angry easily. He never hit me or anything, but he was emotionally abusive, I would say. Verbally abusive.

Were there qualities about him that you liked?
That's a good question. Yeah, there were things about him I liked. I think it took me a long time to remember that. But whenever I go through a break-up I'll start looking back on other relationships. And when I went through my most recent break-up, I kept thinking back to this one. Now I'm at the point where I'll find myself attracted to guys who remind me of him. In some ways it's like, "Gross! I don't want to date that guy again." But in other ways, his extroverted humor and know-it-all attitude and kind of charming abrasiveness, I liked all those things. Those were the things that I kind of hated about him too.

Are those qualities that you look for in a future partner?
Not consciously, but I can't be attracted to somebody unless I find them funny. As one of my college friends said to me, "You like guys who are funny. And not all guys who are funny are nice guys." So that's kind of a pattern that's repeated itself in my dating behavior.

How do you avoid the not-nice guys now that you know that?
I have the benefit of having a lesbian roommate. She gets to meet a lot of the guys that I go out with, and she'll usually tell me if she likes them or not. And because she isn't attracted to guys she's a good litmus test for whether or not they're assholes. I'll just ask her, "Is that guy an asshole?" And she'll be like, "Yes," or, "No."

 

Michael, 25

What do you do for a living?
I work in the construction industry. Concrete foundations.

Does that get you any dates?
No. It's working with a bunch of burly old dudes and immigrants.

That could be hot, I guess.
No.

So how do you meet people?
Just in our circles of friends. Past relationships were people in school. When I was in college, people I had classes with.

How would you pick up somebody in class? What kind of line do you use for that?
It's strategic. You gotta start off with, "Let's make a study group." And you weasel in that way.

So you've got your eye on one person but you invite a few different people.
Yeah, you want to share notes, but you want to share other things too. That was my ploy, my game.

Did you say that? "Let's share notes and bodily fluids."
Well, I wasn't that upfront with it, but yeah.

Do you have any crazy hook-up stories from doing that?
Not from that. Crazy hook-ups came from parties. Drunken debauchery at random parties or bars. That's what normally happens, I guess.

Anything in particular?
I'll spare you the gory details...

No, I want the gory details.
East Side Lounge over in East Atlanta. That was probably the last wild hook-up. It was a girl I was kind of talking to here and there. We ended up doing it on the hood of the car, in the parking lot next to East Side Lounge. We were on top of the car... doing something... and two of my buddies drove by and flashed the high-beams at us and honked at us and gave us all kinds of shit before they drove off. Normally I try to get the situation back home, where you're in an enclosed area. I try not to do too-wild stuff. I'm not real straight-laced, but I try to be pretty traditional. Take her home, take her over to my place, work it out from there.

What do you look for in a girl?
It depends on what stage in life. If you're looking for a girl to go a long ways with, you look for somebody who's level-headed, who you're very compatible with. But if you're just out prowling the bars you're probably just looking for the hottest piece you can get of the night, and just go from there.

What does the hottest girl look like to you?
Somebody who just knows how to handle themselves. They're very comfortable with themselves. A lot of women are beautiful in their own way. They know how to accentuate their own femininity and work it. The whole persona, how they carry themselves, how they act.

So that's more important than blonde or brunette, tall or short.
Most definitely.

What's your hottest fantasy?
[Jennifer, his girlfriend: "It has something to do with Star Wars."]

Star Wars? Is there a light saber involved?
Could be. I love the Star Wars flicks, man. I tell you what. A girl in a Princess Leia outfit, with a little chain hanging off of her, she'd have to be tied down, but if I have a good hold of her like that, that'd be pretty hot.

So do you like playing the dominant role in bed?
I think it has to go both ways. I like being in control but I like being controlled too.

What was the thing about Jennifer that made you say, "This is going to work for the long haul?"
[Jennifer: "I told him."] She's pretty in control. Kind of put me in my place but wasn't domineering. She knew what she wanted.

How did you two meet?
She used to date my old roommate. We're still cool; we also went to high school together. She dated him and they broke up and we met around the same time. We hung out a few times and drank beers. It wasn't really pushed or anything; it just happened. I guess the best relationships just kind of work out that way, where you're not trying to look too hard. I think that's the problem with a lot of people; they push too hard to make things happen when they shouldn't. The best relationships just fall in your lap.

 

Liz, 29

Are you seeing anyone right now?
Not right now. But maybe when my divorce is finalized. Casually, for a while. I don't know how soon I'll be ready to actually have a serious dating relationship with anybody. It all depends on circumstances and who I meet. But the idea of going out to get coffee or just hanging out with friends who are guys — that sounds great.

How old were you when you first had sex?
I was twenty-three and it was after I first got married.

Why did you wait until you were married?
Because sex is way too intimate and important to me. I have trouble opening up to people that closely unless I have a commitment. And I just want to be accepted for who I am and my own thoughts and ideas without sex being part of the equation. Because I think sex builds on top of that. It doesn't just add to it. It's not the beginning of intimacy; it's an addition.

Are you looking forward to having sex again?
Hell yeah!

What will it take for it to be the right person?
That's an awfully complicated question. Can I get into my faith?

Sure.
It has a lot to do with his respect for me as a Christian, because as cheesy as it sounds my heart belongs to God first, and that means that he's going to take everything to God first in making a decision. I'd love to have a lot of my silly little interests and hobbies to be in common with him, but that's not what's most important to make a good relationship happen for me.

What are some of those superficial things that you'd like to have in common, if it worked out?
I would love for him to play video games with me, to love sci-fi and fantasy, to like to go dancing, to listen to ambient music with me, go to concerts, dress kind of fun. I like metrosexuals. Guys who kind of take care of themselves, look well groomed and get mistaken for gay guys.

Do you think that people who wait to have sex are wilder in bed than people who don't?
I don't think that has anything to do with it.

What does have to do with it?
Partly personality. And how adventurous you are as a person.

Are you adventurous?
Oh yeah, I like wild actually. I'll do role-playing and dress-up. I like getting a little loud, a little dirty. But it also depends on who you're with. I know people who have had a different sexual experience with one person than another. It's a lot more complicated than we'd like to make it out. Although it can be just fun.

What's the best date you've ever been on?
Probably the best one was when my husband took me out to a movie and proposed to me in the middle of a field in the middle of the night, after we'd both had a lot of martinis.

Was it premeditated?
Somewhat. He had a proposal kit in the trunk of his car. He was waiting for the ring to come, but it just seemed opportune to him that night.

What's a proposal kit?
He had a blanket, candles, two goblets, wine.

What movie did you see?
Oh, gosh. It's so cheesy. Constantine. It was a Keanu Reeves sci-fi movie with like demonic activity. It's actually based on a graphic novel.

That was enough to propel into each other's arms, into matrimony.
I guess so. We loved watching that kind of stuff together.

Interviews and photography by Acree Graham.