Do you have a boyfriend?
I do, but I don't like the terms boyfriend/girlfriend.
I don't like to be labeled. I've always found it hard to say “my boyfriend.” When I say boyfriend, it's just because it's the quickest way to explain who he is. But I usually prefer to say he's Andrea, the person who is with me. I grew up with a complete sense of freedom. My parents taught me to be completely independent, both personally and financially. The idea of “having a boyfriend” brings me to the stereotypical concept of the couple, that you can't live without the other. Andrea and I are simply two people who are good together. I also don't like romanticism. It embarrasses me. I'm certainly not the type who watches the night sky with my boyfriend. That makes me laugh.
So, this Andrea, how long have you been together?
Four years. But we met a year before we actually got together. I was living in Rome at the time. I wasn't even interested in him when I met him — I was totally into someone else at the time. I kept seeing him because he was friends with my roommate and would always come over. But I didn't even pay attention to him. Actually, for a while I thought his name was Alessandro.
Did you ever tell him?
A lot later in the relationship! He also didn't like me, by the way — he thought I was a bitch because I wasn't socializing with him. But a year later I found myself completely alone in Rome and I was at that stage when you start thinking that you're alone. Your friends have their own lives and they start making families. And my friend who just couldn't listen to me anymore told me Andrea was also alone and that I should go out with him. So I did, and I realized I could actually have something with him.
And you've been together ever since.
Well, it's been a long journey. We were on and off until basically last September. He's almost six years younger than me. He moved to Bologna at one point and I was still in Rome. He started going out with a group of friends and thought he was too young to be in a serious relationship. We disappeared from each other's lives for a few months and I was devastated. Then we started talking again after I sent him a song via chat that I thought he would like. But it was a slow reconciliation. We're actually going to move in together next month.
Do you feel comfortable about that?
I'm terrified! I'm especially scared of boredom.
What are you going to do to avoid boredom, to keep things interesting?
I have no idea! The worst thing is when you get home at night, you sit down to dinner and you don't talk, and it's not because you're not interested, but you just don't know what to tell each other. So I'm scared of that, and that we'll start doing everything together. It's strange — it was so painful for me when he kept running away from me, but now that I have him, I feel I also need my space, my time alone. Although I do prefer being in a relationship to being alone. I guess I'm the conflicted type.
Does he ever surprise you?
All the time. He's completely unpredictable, even with himself.
Is the age difference ever a problem?
It can be. It depends if I listen to my physiological self. I don't feel thirty-three, and I don't necessarily have the same needs as the average thirty-three-year-old woman — you know, family, kids — but sometimes I think about having a child, and it's something I don't even want to talk about with him because it's not the right time. It will have to come naturally. I don't want to pressure him — it's not something I do.
Are you friends with most of your exes?
I like to be friends with my exes, but it's not always possible.
Like when you have an ex whose new girlfriend is crazy. I was with my ex for twelve years. Of course we stayed friends when we broke up. But the new girlfriend, I later found out, hired a detective to follow me to make sure there was nothing between me and my ex. One day he called me in tears because she had left him. She claimed that there was still something between us because I was still wearing the ring he gave me, and I was like, wait, how does she know I'm wearing your ring? I had never met her. So that's how I found out about the detective.
Are you still wearing his ring?