Victoria, 28

What do you do?
I'm a server at a restaurant in Williamsburg.

Have you ever gone out with anyone from work?
I actually used to be notorious about it. My boyfriend now is actually someone I used to work with at my last job.

How long have you guys been dating?
We've been dating on and off for two years.

What is he like?
He's in AA, so he doesn't drink. Essentially what happened was I met him in a restaurant in the West Village and after four months of dating he had the opportunity to move to the Virgin Islands, and I ended up packing up and moving to the Islands with him. It was a crazy atmosphere. It's the opposite of the city, and you're around the same people all of the time. We broke up when I was down there, and I packed up and came back to New York shortly after, and then he followed me back up here. Now we're stable and back together.

Was that the first time you lived with a boyfriend?
I lived with one other guy I was dating in college, who I also had worked with in the restaurant industry.

So you definitely have a type. Did you like living with your current boyfriend?
I think I do now, but he's so bad with finances that it made me realize that I don't want to ever actually marry him. He's just so bad with bills and everything, and just not responsible. It made me realize why I didn't really want to live with him before. I actually just recently asked him to move in again, though. We have opposite schedules and basically we only get to see each other when we're sleeping next to each other, so it seemed like it was easier to just move in.

Why do you think you guys keep getting back together?
I think at first it was the drinking. He's a severe alcoholic, and I'm a drinker but I don't have an issue. We got back together with the understanding that he would get sober, and he did, but it's hard dating someone sober. I work in a restaurant and I drink at the end of my shift. He's never been to my work or met anyone I work with, but that's fine because I'm very independent in that sense. I kind of like that it's separate. I want my life with him and my life with my friends.

Does it cause problems that he doesn't drink?
Yes, it's been a definite clash. He doesn't like to touch me when I'm drunk because he feels like there's no connection, and that's caused problems. I feel like it's just because it's only recently that he's actually seeing me drunk, since he used to be so wasted out of his mind. It's hard. Like right now we don't live together, so when I go home it'll be fine, but when he moves in, he'll know even when I've had half a beer.

Will it be a problem when you guys move in together again?
It's hard to say, but maybe. I hope not. He's been sober six months, so hopefully it'll be fine now.

What was it like before?
It took me a while to realize and understand that he had an issue, but he was in a different state of mind. He used to be a lot more social, and now he's not really that way, and doesn't like to talk as much. Overall, it's been really difficult. My life before him was so different, because I used to date like all of New York. I dated a delivery guy once, a guy I met at a sidewalk coffee shop who I hung out with for eighteen hours straight, and a Persian guy who owned a restaurant across the street from my restaurant. Just all over the place.

Why did you choose your boyfriend?
Because he was the first guy I felt incredibly comfortable with and who I could truly be myself with.

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