Diego, 25
What do you do for a living?
I work in art galleries.
Does this job get you laid?
Not yet. Most of the people I work with are older people, like sixty-year-old women with bottle-cap glasses and turtlenecks.
Not your thing?
I mean, I wouldn’t rule it out.
Which of the seven deadly sins best defines you?
I’m more vain than greedy. Can I make up a word?
Go for it.
I’m very “vreedy.” I like money, and I’m a narcissist. I’m an only child so…
If an unattractive woman offered to pay your rent for casual sex, would you accept the offer?
Like fat?
If being fat is unattractive to you, then yes.
A fat ugly girl? Ugh, yeah, I’d do it. But only once a week.
Do you have any sexual regrets?
Yeah, back in college. Two words: “Angry vagina.”
As in The Vagina Monologues?
As in bear trap, as in she was a bitch. Oh, and I got busted by the cops having sex in an alley once. They acted like I was trying to rape her or something.
Why did they act like that?
Because I was having sex in an alley.
When it comes to dating, do you have any dealbreakers?
I don’t really date much. But I guess a white Buddhist would probably do it.
As in a white person who is a Buddhist?
Yeah, because she probably picked it up her sophomore year at NYU. But honestly, my biggest dealbreaker would be a fat person.
Unless she was paying your rent?
Right.
Jessye, 27
What do you do for a living?
I’m a phlebotomist and a nursing student.
Does this job get you laid?
In a sense. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend has some naughty plans for my nursing-school uniform when I am finished with it.
Do you have any sexual regrets?
Just one that I can think of. I had revenge sex with my on-again, off-again guy's best friend. I learned my lesson the hard way about guys who talk a big game. The way he talked I was expecting fireworks. Turned out, he had the smallest dick. Ever.
What’s your deepest, darkest fantasy?
I'm a big fan out outdoor or public sex. It adds an extra thrill when there's a chance you'll be caught. But that's not really much of a secret.
What do you mean?
I’ve had plenty of outdoor sex.
So you’ve already made your deepest, darkest fantasy come true?
Hell yes! A few times. At a state park, a little ways off of a hiking trail, on the ridge of a gorge, at sunset with rain lightly falling. It was like something out of a romance novel. And each time it gets better and better.
What’s your most attractive quality?
I'm told I have a pretty good sense of humor. I'm attracted to people who can make me laugh, and I think a lot of people feel that way. If all else fails, I have pretty big boobs, too.
What’s your favorite sex position?
As boring as it sounds, missionary. It's very intimate and can be as passionate as you want it to be.
Do you have any dating dealbreakers?
A few: chain smokers, guys who are unemployed, guys who live at home, and cats. Cats are assholes. They smell and shed and are selfish. Also, I'm severely allergic to them.
Got it. So no cat men.
No cat men. Dog men, yes. Cat men are probably unemployed and living with their mothers, anyway.
Tristian, 29
What do you do for a living?
I’m a freelance film editor.
Does this job get you laid?
It’s definitely an asset; I work for myself and enjoy what I do. I don’t think it directly gets me laid, but it’s a good card to play. It speaks to other sorts of attributes that women find attractive.
Which of the seven deadly sins best defines you?
I’d say lust or pride. Anybody who knows me knows that I talk about sex all the time. And I’m a pretty vain person. I’m really aware of my faults. Which is good. I feel like a lot of people don’t know how they come across to others.
If you had a word for your first time, what would it be?
Caring. She knew it was my first time, and she just really helped me feel comfortable.
Do you have any dating dealbreakers?
If you don’t believe in evolution. If religion plays a large part in your life. It’s fine if you’re Jewish and not practicing or whatever. But if it’s a part of who you are, then it’s a dealbreaker. Also, if you don’t drink, and if you don’t listen to music. I went out with this girl who was a filmmaker, and she never listened to music. I was mystified, because she works with it all time.
Do you have any sexual regrets?
I slept with this girl. It was a total one-night-stand sort of thing. And then I went to my friend’s house a day later, and she was there. They just ended up hanging out in the same crowd. It was just weird how I had no idea.
Why is that a regret?
Because she was really busted. I mean, like so nasty. Hold on though, I might have a better story. Let me check my phone.
Your phone?
Yeah, I have a list.
You have a list of the girls you’ve slept with?
Yeah, I’m just checking it to make sure that I don’t have any more regrets.
Interviews and photography by Sarah Schwab.
Commentarium (62 Comments)
Oh fuck, I'd go out with Michael.
What a bunch of illiterate losers. Made me sad, ya know.
Or should I say illiterant losers, just so I can be ironic.
I'm ashamed that these people are representing my fair city.
Michael is fits the douchey lawyer type to a tee... he seems like he'd be a client of Gala's.
Cow cunted women are so annoying. Do some kegels, you lazy bitches!
LOL Tristian keeps a list of women he's bumped uglies with on his phone?? really? Actually,... I kinda wish that I did that. It's sad that I've lost count.
I'd hit her cervix with both fists, in fact. And she's a pillow princess to boot, man that 40th birthday alone is going to be hard on her.
I can't believe that guy keeps a list of all the women he's slept with in his phone. Ugh.
These people are terrible.
These people are hella depressing.
This TTS felt really weird...can't quite put my finger on it either
It's because it's Buffalo
@Greg: The questions are really different this week. Maybe that's it? I felt weird to me too... but I like the range of topics and perspectives.
I liked Michael the more he talked. I wonder if he's a Scorpio...
Tristian, on the other hand: cute but douchey.
Wow. Just wow. I usually love reading these things but these people are horribly vain, selfish, and shallow with the exception of maybe Jessye.
My mother lives with me because she's disabled and I own two cats you fat, disgusting whore.... !
Gala is a disgrace to her profession.
@moops: I agree. Her statement that she dislikes men because she realized they "are all liars" is ridiculous. Guess what, sweetheart? If men (scratch that: If PEOPLE) were more allowed truly express their desires, you dominatrixes would find yourselves out of a job. So thank your lucky stars that society forces us to keep secrets. And we women have our own secrets too. But when we get to act on them, it's liberating... I guess you think that men doing the same thing is wrong.
C'mon Sarah, give the girls a little reciprocation! One satisfied vagina deserves another
This makes me so glad I don't live in Buffalo anymore.
Also that guy who hates fat chicks is in the wrong city.
I think Tristian is joking about his list.
Wow. Sarah is my dreamgirl. So naughty yet so nice.
worst. dreamer. ever.
Excuses, excuses, Sarah. If you can't reciprocate, then GTFO. I like Michael.
It's finally sunny here in san francisco but this just depressed the hell out of me.
Not a real bunch of winners this week but -- despite stiff competition from Sarah and Diego -- Gala takes the cake for biggest douche. Of many hilarious things about her comments, I think the funniest was her total lack of self-awareness. Branding all men liars, just because she makes her living catering to a kinky clientele, is kind of like a guy who exclusively chases after golddigger types, throws his money around to attract them, and then gets a chip on his shoulder about how there aren't any honest women left in the world, they're all whores, etc., etc.
"Gala takes the cake for biggest douche" I agree. Just what the world needs: a judgemental dominatrix. Get out of the business, Gala; you are doing it wrong.
The segue from Diego to Jessye is classic...
Sarah might literally be the worst person in the world.
I'm not going to pretend that the brunt of these people are not ass holes... but it's kind of refreshing to read their honesty. A lot of times people - on TTS or in real life - try to hide the fact, or try to be someone they're not. These people are pretty self aware, honest, and okay with the fact that they're shitty people. So it's just entertaining... esp. Michael's responses. Lawyers' faux wit and charm gets me in the sack every time. Who knows...maybe I already slept with him. I shoulda kept a list on my phone.
Npw I know why people born there get out of Buffalo as quickly as they can.
Sarah is a fucking idiot.
Sarah is a fucking idiot.
These people are real. Real assholes. With the exception of Jessye.
Sarah is awesome. I like her grit and have the equipment she seeks to boot.
With the exception of Jessye, this was a miserable bunch.
Worst TTS. Usually one of my favorite segments on nerve. Cast of characters so one dimensional.
I pray to the powers that be that I never have to talk to anyone from this deplorable region you people call "Buffalo."
awkward lot this week, almost like they were TRYING to be abrasive. only laugh i got out of it was "riding his cock backwards?".
I think Jessye is beautiful. She and Sarah are naturally glowing. Like a happiness glow. You can see it in their eyes. It's something that I definitely think is lacking in the other interviewees. Everyone elses are just dull, lifeless. That's what's really upsetting about these interviews.
Sadly, the vast majority of Buffalonians stay put. It's a fucking black hole.
Sadly? The way these people were talking, I'd say it's lucky they do stay there.
Maybe Gala should buy a dictionary and figure out what condescending means, since her friends seem to complain about that.
This set seems like a terrible group of people.
Michael. Ooh. Ick. Barf!
That stupid, slimy little smile of his says it all!
These people are nasty. I live in Bflo and I will kick them down a flight of stairs if I see them. (Not really.)
Sarah is a pornstar in the making. A D-list cheap pornstar who makes annoying girl grunts when she pretends to cum.
nerve has a particular talent of picking the trashiest people.
What a bozo Sarah is, just because she doesn't go down on a girl she is not a lesbian!? And Diego sounds like he's been locked up in the art gallery for too long; "Oh, yeah, I'd do a 60 year old women."
Wow, Buffalo really is THAT depressing.
"Lust." "Why?" "Because I'm lustful." Ugh first girl was miserable. I thought it was funny that Diego hates fat chicks and the next woman interviewed was rather large...so ironic...-__- also, for some reason I really liked Gala. Just thought she was entertaining.
I live in Buffalo and meet a ton of interesting people but these ones sort of suck. They all seemed quite douchey except for Jessye.
I live in Buffalo too...and I think these people sum up the city pretty well: 1 cool person for every 9 ass holes.
My penis says that it likes Sarah
Nerve, Sarah's got issues but she's ridiculously hot. Please create a weekly series on her chronicling every random person that she gets to fuck her, including the revelatory moment she goes down on a girl and loves it. Just make it up, I don't care. As long as their are pics of her with descriptions of indiscriminate hooking up, I'm good.
I think it's Tristan is talking about fat girls being ugly and then you have beautiful Jessye right under him.
I just wanted to let all the commenters here know that I'm laughing so hard I'm crying right now. "do some kegels, you lazy bitches!" ? LOL
Gala's occupation brings back old memories. Before I got married I had a professional Dominatrix although I think she was a little more attractive than Gala and I saw her once a week. It wasn't because I was a wimpy or subservient sort of guy because I had all the ass I wanted, but I was a little bored and a little kinky! The rules of our relationship were that I would call her on her cell and make an appointment with her. She had a good following and made a lot of money. Next, I would sign in at a Hyatt, Hilton or Omni hotel and call her before our session and give her my room number. I'd meet her at the door which was slitely ajar and I would be naked and on my knees with my forehead on the floor and I would have two one hundred dollar bills in my mouth. She would remove the money as I continue to keep my head on the floor. I was not permitted to look at her untill she gave me permission. Her first move with me was too pull the covers off of the bed and have me lie down on my stomach spread eagled and she would tie each wrist and each ankle and she was very good with rope and other restraints. I'm a strong guy but I was totally helpless and unable to move. Then she proceeded to whip me: my back, my ass and my legs. After each slap with either a ping pong paddle or leather whip she had me say, "Thank you Mistress, may I have another one"? In between, she would say things to humiliate me and sometimes she would make sexually suggestive comments. When I was not gagged which was often (and it was a penis gag) she would permit me to ask her a question but she would not always answer me. One time she fucked me with a dildo butt plug and it hurt like hell but I could not stop her and I had the penis gag in my mouth. I had never had anything up my ass before and she was quite rough as she asked me, "If I enjoyed being used like a woman"? That session was very interesting because the longer she fucked me the less it hurt and the better it felt until I realized that my ass was rising up off the bed towards the dildo she was fucking me with. My dick was as hard as a rock as it rubbed back and forth across the bed. I managed between groans to tell her 'if she continued fucking me, I was going to cum'. She coldly told me that I was not to cum without her permission but it felt too good and I ejaculated all over the bed. She became quite angry and whipped me again because I had disobeyed her and she left me tied to the bed. I realized that the penis didldo was striking my prostate gland and that was my first prostate orgasm and it was awesome.
gala comeon date me...