Talking to Strangers: Cardiff, Wales

"I tried to tell him, 'This is how I like it.' And he said, 'I know what I’m doing.' But I said, 'No. You don’t know me.' And we just forgot about it and had not-that-good sex." 

BY JENNIFER BURNS

Marianne, 23

Are you dating anyone at the moment? 
I’m very single. 

How do find dating here compared to back home in Norway? 
It’s different to what I’m used to. People don’t beat around the bush. They ask you if they can ask you on a date, instead of just seeing what happens. 

What would be a deal breaker? 
Arrogance is a big turn off. I’ve had that experience recently. I was seeing this guy, and I really liked him in the beginning, and then it turned out he was really arrogant. He had these really high thoughts about himself and what he’s capable of. And I just thought, “Be a bit more humble.” I didn’t believe most of the things he said. 

What kinds of things did he say? 
Just how awesome he is. And how awesome he was when he studied. And how awesome his brain is – and how that isn’t normal – and how awesome he was when he got this-and-this job. 

I find it usually means he’s insecure or lacking something.
I think it’s charming if it means he’s trying to “woo” me, but I’m not really into that. I’d rather just have honesty. I just don’t see where it’d go from there. And this guy, he thought he was such a good lover. 

Everyone thinks that. 
And he’s my age! I normally go for guys who are at least five years older than me, because they have more experience. But this guy thinks he’s got the best lovemaking skills in the world. I tried to tell him, “This is how I like it.” And he said, “I know what I’m doing.” But I said, “No. You don’t know me.” And we just forgot about it and had not-that-good sex. 

What advice would you offer him? 
Get to know the person you’re having sex with. Don’t just think that the way you have sex is the way to have sex with everyone. He just didn’t seem to be interested in what gets me off. 

How are British guys different to Norwegian guys? 
Norwegian guys are “Kens,” as in Barbie and Ken. They have the genes on their side. And so do the girls. And that means the majority of people in Norway, in my eyes, are superficial. And it’s intimidating. But here, guys think I am really beautiful. It’s like I’m exotic, so I find that they give me more attention. And there are more boys here who aren’t as concerned with their looks, which I find really attractive. Looks are just one small aspect of the whole picture. And in Norway, that’s a big part of the picture. 

Have you been to the States before? What do you think of American guys? 
Yes, but I went there with my ex-boyfriend, and he is a horrible person. So I didn’t dare talk to anyone because he was so jealous. So I’d just look at these American guys and think, “Hmm, you seem nice.” I was afraid my boyfriend would tell me off. 

So a really jealous guy, then.
Yeah, he has a personality disorder, I found out later. 

Which one? 
I don’t know. It’s when you get into intimate relationships and just can’t handle it. He tried to control everything and was really horrible. But I’m really happy that it happened. It was really bad, in that he tried to manipulate me, control me and make me believe horrible things about myself that weren’t true. But then again, I stayed in it for a year, got out of it, and started seeing a psychologist, broke down what actually happened, learned that he’s violent, and now I know that that will never happen to me ever again. I’m a lot stronger now. So I won.