Talking to Strangers: Holiday in Paris

Nerve asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

By Sarah Trowbridge

Nils, 25

Where are you from?
Paris. I grew up in the suburbs.

What is your relationship status?
Single, as of a few weeks ago.

Are you looking for anything?
Yes, I'm looking, or maybe I've already found something. I will see. I'm waiting here for my date.

Where did you meet your date?
I can't tell! It's too much. She's going to see this after our date!

That would be weird to see after your first date. What qualities do you look for in a girl?
The physical stuff always makes the first impression. After that, somebody who is interesting, either similar or different. Girls who can be natural.

Do you have a type?
You always think you have a type, but you never find the person who fits your type. The physical thing is not the most important thing. In English, it's... the same point of view?

What do you do for a living?
I'm an architect.

Does that get you any dates?
No. Usually workplace hookups are forbidden. Sometimes when you want it, you can do it. You know you shouldn't do it but you do it. But I can't talk about any of my experiences with work. That will come back to haunt me.

Do you have any good foreign hookups?
Holidays are made for hooking up. My first holiday was pretty good. I was in Italy. I was thirteen-years old. Thirty? Which is it? Treize ans. It was my first holiday without my parents. All the girls were eighteen. It was quite interesting. My first experience.

Your first time?
Yep. With an Italian girl. I didn't remember names or anything. It was in Naples... well, Pompeii. Not in the ruins though — in the hotel. We had never drank before and they brought some alcohol. I don't remember exactly, but something good happened! At the time, I didn't know what to think. I could barely remember it.

How did your upbringing influence your views on sex?
My parents aren't so religious. They just explained everything quite honestly. There was no problem. No jokes about it.

What's your most memorable date?
It was an elevator girl. In Istanbul. The elevator was broken down. The lights turned off. She was from Austria.

Do you have a crazy ex?
I don't know if she's crazy — she maybe called a bunch, or knocked on the door too many times, but that's because she was in love. But she did write a letter that was very personal, with private pictures. She sent it to me, but with the wrong address. So my concierge took it and opened it. My concierge knows it all.

Is it weird between you and your concierge now?
It's always weird with your concierge.

 

Eva, 20

from London, England

How long have you been in Paris?
I've been living in Paris for two years. Contemplating life. I'm an actress. Right now I'm a singer in Pigalle.

Do you have any hook-up stories from work?
Yeah, sometimes I would go back with a guy. But they're always in love with the person on stage, and not with me. I'm paid to be someone else, so it doesn't ever really work out. Right now, I have a boyfriend who is living in London. We've been together for seven months.

How has it been going with the distance?
It's all right. We're not used to seeing each other all the time. I think relationships work when you're apart from the other. We tried to live together once and it didn't work out. We prefer to be apart.

What do you like to do when you're together?
We like to run around town, go to cafes, make love.

What did you do for your first date?
We met at a concert. We'd been out in a pub drinking, and we spent all night long talking outside. And then we hooked up.

What is the most memorable date you've gone on?
We went to Brighton and we stayed together and talked about everything. It was the first time we were really being honest. Getting out of the natural environment helped us open up.

How did your upbringing influence your attitude towards sex?
I didn't have much of a relationship with my father. That's always given me problems. My mother's fine — she's always been really open with me since I was young. She's like my best friend. We don't have that many secrets.

Do you have any crazy exes?
Yeah, a lot. I think it might be because I end up with alcoholics. Some of them like prostitutes, some of them like stealing, some of them like cheating. A lot of them try to destroy me. I don't know why. I think it's because I like to save people.

What's your relationship with your boyfriend like now?
Great. I don't usually like dating people my own age. I always date older guys. But it's amazing. We get along really well. We are friends, and lovers, and he's like a brother and even a father. I like him a lot. He can put up with me easily.

Where's the craziest place you've had sex?
On the first floor of a bus in London. We were kind of drunk, but it was okay.

Were others around?
Yes, but we were discreet. It was nice, the element of danger.

Do you have any sexual experiences with Parisians?
Yeah, I don't really like them. They are really stuck-up or mean. They're pretentious. They definitely act like they know everything about everything. That's why I like to go to London. French guys like to complain all the time. The Parisian guys were all older than me, fourteen or sixteen years older, but they acted like kids. They never really love. They will say "I love you" straight away, but they never really mean it. They want someone to believe they're great. I've dated guys from every class. Very poor, very rich. They're all the same. Very selfish.

Do you have any vacation romances?
Yes, I like foreigners. Last year it was Greek guys. I had a boyfriend for four months there. I've also dated Irishmen and Italians and Germans.

Which nationality did you find has the most open views on sex?
Spanish people. They are the best lovers. English people too, because they're funny when it comes to sex. French people are afraid of that. They're afraid of what they really want. English people always find a way to make a situation funny, even if they're really bad. Italians are just bragging. They think they're really good, but they're really bad. But they're very funny people too.

How do you connect with people in a foreign country?
When I met some Greek guys in Paris who were on holiday, I started going out with one of them, and then I went on holiday with him. The thing is, I was in love with his friend. We had this hidden relationship the whole time. He was one of the biggest loves of my life. So one day, we decided to meet in another city. I went there, and he already had a girlfriend, and he'd decided he didn't want to see me anymore. So I ended up being there all alone. I was in a bad place, and a bad neighborhood, sharing a room with a prostitute. I really didn't meet anyone, even though I really wanted someone to come to me. But most of the time when I connect with someone, it's fate, or chance.
 

 

Daniel, 33

from Berlin, Germany

Are you here visiting Paris?
No, I'm here working. I'm here for two weeks, then I have a break and I come back in February. I'm an actor. Theater, film, whatever.

What's your relationship status?
Complicated!

Are you seeing one particular person?
Yes, a woman.

What makes it complicated? How long have you been seeing each other?
Actually, one year now. We've known each other for seventeen years. And we had a relationship when we were kids. This a long romantic story. When we met, she was my best friend's girlfriend.

Did you guys had a romantic spark when you first met or did that happen later?
Yes, straight away. Then a marriage, a child, twelve years without contact. And now we're in a complicated relationship.

Is she going to be sharing this experience with you in Paris?
She was supposed to.

When you leave Paris are you going back to Germany?
I'm going back to Germany for a movie. A criminal story. American people aren't interested in German crime movies.

What qualities do you look for in a partner?
She has to be really crazy. She has to be crazy about life. She has to have the idea to flip life upside down. My whole story with my girlfriend is completely flipped upside down. The last time we saw each other was twelve years ago. We had an argument because she wanted to go back to the other man. She wanted to say goodbye to him because she was leaving the next day for Rome. I was very jealous and confused. Both of us were very confused. The last thing I knew she was slapping me in the face as I drove the car. I saw her twelve years later, getting out of a cab. I was in Munich working for a theater company, and the producer was looking for a place for me to live. I didn't know it, but she was putting hers up for rent. So by accident I plopped into her flat with my girlfriend at the time. And immediately we fell in love again, but we didn't even recognize it. Everyone else around us did — my friend looked at me and said "You're crazy." They recognized it straight away. And we both were going, "No, no, it's in the past." My girlfriend at the time wanted to move out of the flat immediately. She said, "I'm not going to stay in that woman's flat," and I told her, "You're overreacting. There's nothing anymore." But of course she was right, we fell in love and, here we go.

You mentioned kids?
She has a child. The problem is, we both love each other, but she failed in her life. She had a seven-year marriage and has a six-year-old child. She's alone now with a child. And she's upset about life and she can't trust anymore. She thought she couldn't love anymore. Now she's in between. She doesn't know if she is supposed to raise this child alone at thirty-five or dream of something new. And suddenly I pop up again, and she's totally confused. "You turned my life upside down! What am I going to do!" That's why it's complicated.

How do you guys think you're going to proceed? You're here in Paris...
I'm going to go back on Monday. She has to make a decision at one point. She has to decide whether to stay with the pain of the past or keep going.