Federico, 24

What do you do for a living? 
I do construction.

Nice. Does that ever get you laid? 
Yes. All the time.

How? 
I work at hot chicks' houses sometimes.

And they hit on you? 
Nah, I usually hit on them.

Wait a minute. You show up to work construction on a house with a hard hat on and a hot girl just happens to be there all the time? Are you sure you don't work in porn? 
Yeah, man. I'm sure. And I don't wear a hard hat.

So how does it work then? 
I end up working for girls and sometimes talk to them and it works out. I get laid. Trust me.

What is the line that gets these hot homeowners to lay you then? 
There's not just one line — it depends on the situation. Gotta keep your game up. You know what I'm saying?

So do you practice to keep your game up? 
No. I don't practice alone in the mirror or anything. But I practice in that I hit on a lot of cute girls. 

What does a cute girl look like to you? 
I am not picky with girls. I like beautiful girls.

Are you looking for a beautiful girl to be your girlfriend right now or are you liking being single? 
No relationships right now. No way. I can't deal with the extra drama right now. I don't have time for it. I need to focus on things other than girls right now. I'm taking a break from girls.

How long is this break? When was the last time you had sex?
Um... Three or four days ago.

What? What kind of break is that? 
What can I say?

How did that one go down? 
That was with an old girlfriend of mine. I hadn't seen her in six years.

And then Facebook came to town? 
No. I just saw her and all these old memories came up. But now that it's over, they all left again.

So are you not going to talk to her again?
I don't really want to, but I have to. I left my hat over there.

Is it a special hat or something? 
Yeah. I'm particular about my hats. That one is a good hat.

Did you leave your hat on purpose so you would have an excuse to see her again? 
Nope. If I could do it again, I would have brought my hat with me. Man, I really like that hat.

Thanks for your time. 
A really, really good hat.

 

Sofia, 30

What do you do for a living? 
I'm a writer.

Does that mean you're unemployed? 
I pay my bills.

Does being a writer ever get you laid? 
Not really. I guess maybe it's because people must think I'm unemployed when I say I'm a writer.

So where do you meet your dates then? 
I haven't been dating too much lately, but the last few have been matches through friends. I had a double date with my friends the other night. They brought a guy for me. It was a completely blind situation, and it did not pan out.

Why not? 
The guy did not laugh one time. He kept talking about how he's a true artist but the art world doesn't understand him and how he was the original inventor of graffiti. My friend said that he had also done some tagging in 1992 under some viaduct, and he was like, "I tagged under that viaduct first in 1985." And I couldn't help thinking that I was not yet in kindergarten at that time, and then I thought about how he's still holding on to that time period. And then I thought about how if I was still hanging on to that time period, I would be wetting my bed.

So, you don't like older men? 
In theory I do. I want a man to be established or at least know what he wants to do with his life. And someone who is sure of himself, which is supposed to come with age. Plus, I would like to date men who can teach me some crazy sexy moves. But, the older ones aren't really working for me lately. There have been three forty-one-year olds in a row, and none was a keeper.

They don't know enough sexy moves? 
No, I'm not getting to that point with them. Not even close.

So when was the last time you had sex? 
Long ago, my friend. Maybe six months. I've gone two years before, so this is nothing.

Are you just not a very sexual person? 
No! That's not it. I would love to get some action, but I made a pact with myself to only do it with someone I care about. I'm over the sex with strangers thing.

And you just don't care about anyone lately? 
Exactly.

Why no more sex with strangers? You don't mind talking to strangers. 
I just like my life right now, and I don't want to derail anything for just anyone. I was so mad I wasted time on that guy the other night. That was four hours I could have been doing anything else. I'm waiting for someone who makes me really want to be with him, not be with him just because I'm lonely or looking.

How many strangers were you with before you implemented this new plan? 
A few. Not really strangers though. Just people I was with just for fun. I always know people's names. Usually.

Are you using anything else as a substitute during these past six months? 
I was on my way out the door the other day, and I checked my mail to find a new vibrator. Went right back inside.

Do you watch porn? 
Yep.

Any specific kinds? 
Yes. I'm very specific. It has to seem real. And if the bedspread looks dirty or the girl has fake nails or if there's any dialogue at all, I can't watch it.

So, you hate all porn then? 
No! There are some good ones. You just have to really search.

 

Steve, 48

What do you do for a living? 
I am retired.

Oh, nice. Has that ever worked for you in the sex department? 
A lot.

Really? 
Yeah. People seem to like that. They say, "Oh wow! At your age? That's pretty cool. I want to fuck you."

When the last time that worked for you? 
I think the easier question is when hasn't it worked for me!

Oh, snap. When was the last time you had sex? 
Three weeks ago. I've been trying to lay off for a little bit. No pun intended.

What happened three weeks ago? 
I hooked up with this surfer boy. He's got long blond hair. We don't really have sex. I blow him, but I've never kissed him. This is very odd for me because I'm normally all about the kissing. But he's so cute. He's the typical Venice surfer dude. You'd swear he's eighteen, but he's really twenty-seven and he smokes weed. So we get baked and I end up reaching over and I go down on him.

Wow. Where did you meet this guy? 
Craigslist. Yeah. His ad said he wanted to hang with a chill dude, drink a beer, and smoke a cigarette while someone gave him a blowjob. He's not into coming right away. He likes to draw it out. Sometimes it takes two hours. The first time, I tried to stand up and I fell down because my legs were asleep. And then I got rug burn on the top of my feet!

So, does he ever reciprocate? 
Nah. Not yet. We're not in a relationship or anything.

Does that ever bother you? The lack of reciprocation? 
Are you kidding? The guy is adorable, and I get to blow him! He's just so fucking cute. I saw him at a party the other night. He was across the room, and I loved just knowing that I had gone down on him. I had to pinch myself.

So is Craigslist where you meet a lot of guys? 
Yeah. Craigslist in L.A. is so immediate. It blew me away when I moved here. Someone will be like, "I'm going to be walking my dog between this street and this street. Meet me in the alley and let's fuck." Or "I'll be jacking off in my front window on Pico and Western in ten minutes."

And that's better than bars? 
Yes. I'd say Craigslist is much better because I don't want to meet any more queens trolling one of the gay websites or bars. That's also why I live in Venice Beach and not West Hollywood. I don't want to be just around queens all the time.

What's the definition of a queen? 
Someone totally wrapped up in the gay culture. They only have gay friends. And they're more effeminate.

Have you ever had a bad experience meeting someone on Craigslist?
Oh yeah. I mean, if you're going to send someone pictures of yourself, you're going to send the best ones, even if those are from ten years ago. Mine are old on there too, but I look like I used to look ten years ago, so it's okay. Karen and I used to use Craigslist. Once we had a guy come over. He was white on Craigslist and black when he got to our house. It didn't really matter to us that he was black, but he was white online!

Who's Karen? 
My swinger ex-wife. We slept with everyone. She had me pick out guys at bars and she'd be the closer. She just couldn't compete with guys though, because she didn't have a dick.  

Interviews and photography by Laurenne SalaWant to talk to strangers in your town? Email submissions@nerve.com.

Commentarium (37 Comments)

Aug 11 11 - 12:43am
Sigh

Oh Steve....

Aug 11 11 - 2:59pm
Jeffrey

Indeed. If that's me when I'm 48...

Aug 13 11 - 10:57am
eggshell

Steve makes me wish I was gay and a man.

Aug 13 11 - 3:11pm
honeypot

Totally agree. If I were a man, I would totally go for a Craigslist blowjob right now.

Aug 11 11 - 2:26am
JP

Give me your number Steve

Aug 11 11 - 3:09am
Scott

Thank you Agustus for your plain spoken insights. Some made me LOL.

Aug 11 11 - 5:00pm
Sigh

"Does that usually involve a lot of liquor?
Yes. Liquor usually means the sex is great. The problem is the relationship is off from the beginning because it's just based on sex. If she fucks on the first date or the first time you meet her, she's probably not girlfriend material. "

There is just so much wrong in the answer. Just, like, so much.

Aug 11 11 - 5:07am
ibg

Wow, Sofia is gorgeous. and a little reminiscent of Sandra Bullock. I also like how this "Talking to Strangers" seemed a bit more diverse than usual.

Aug 14 11 - 1:08am
hola v

I've always thought Sofia looks like Sandra Bullock, too!

Jan 04 12 - 11:16am
BrosephofArimathea

And now it's revealed that "Sofia" is the writer herself.

Aug 11 11 - 8:54am
yhn

great as usual.
-your faithful florida reader

Aug 11 11 - 9:00am
fCM

she can wear a cap and still look like sex on pimpin wheels...

Aug 11 11 - 11:39am
meola

dude, it's the cap that does it.

Aug 11 11 - 10:25am
Danielle Gibson

Scott can get it. After 5 to 10 dates.

Aug 11 11 - 12:02pm
ZZ

Sofia is absolutely gorgeous. And the idea of her sporting a new vibrator is almost too hot.

Aug 11 11 - 1:35pm
Moops

Steve has it all figured out.

Aug 11 11 - 4:49pm
The Dude Abides

Sofia, absolutely. A gorgeous writer who likes porn and sex toys that is interested in learning more crazy sex moves? Sign me up.

Aug 11 11 - 4:56pm
aa

go retired gay guy. and fuck off all white yoga instructors.

Aug 12 11 - 10:23pm
moi

nah, diversity with the yogis :)

Aug 13 11 - 6:05pm
honeypot

i love all yoga instructors. that one's hot.

Aug 11 11 - 5:19pm
GeeBee

Agustus, there's a reason why spitting in the street is a misdemeanor - tuberculosis. And it's just gross dude.

Aug 11 11 - 5:53pm
LAP

It is pretty gross, but I think it has more to do with chewing tobacco than TB. But yeah, it's a little vial. Find a bathroom and use a trashcan.

Aug 11 11 - 7:05pm
aa

that skater boy's take on women is pretty gross and vial. ho bro dude. suck it.

Aug 13 11 - 2:53am
vie all

it's vile you guys! you spit in a vial, the action is vile.
(sorry)

Aug 12 11 - 1:19am
FFDOM

Sofia,
I am also 30, have an advanced degree from a top tier university, am financially secure, and spent a summer in Ibiza that taught me all sorts of crazy sexual stuff. You gotta trade surf for mountains, though.

Aug 12 11 - 3:59am
#^$&^@#Q(

Augustus - you're 35. Grow the fuck up, and don't spit on the street.

Sofia - I heart you. So much.

Aug 14 11 - 9:09am
MCLSK

Agreed. There aren't many things less attractive than a 35-year-old man acting and dressing like a 16-year-old boy.

Also - Federico. Quit trying so damn hard.

Aug 12 11 - 10:07am
XC

Okay Nerve, you need to do a feature piece on Sofia. She is the "cool chick" in the room.

Aug 12 11 - 11:58am
dw

Sofia, you're absolutely delicious! I'm a girl and all, so do away with the dicks so we can have some good times..
I know what she meant by the fake nails and dirty bed spread in porn ha ha. I can't do with messy bedrooms, ugly decors, fake tits which ALWAYS comes with fake nails and the most annoying moans! Can I say, tiny details?? Skater boy will hate me...
But Sofia, come over...

Aug 12 11 - 3:54pm
LB

Best line: "I wish you had worn a different hat."

One question: How is it possible that that Sofia chick isn't getting laid?

Aug 24 11 - 10:07pm
KC

I know. She's gorgeous, smart and sexy. I'd do her and I'm a girl.

Aug 15 11 - 11:40pm
OMG!

I so want to be Sofia's FWB.

Aug 16 11 - 1:04am
I'm so glad

That I don't live in LA. These people are awful.

Aug 19 11 - 6:43pm
Yeah...

I'm glad you don't live in LA, either. Helpful generalizations like these make you seem like a great person.

Aug 25 11 - 1:21pm
rtyecript

I really liked the article, and the very cool blog

Sep 12 11 - 7:46am
thespiral

I'm a (mostly) straight girl and I love Sofia too, she is gorgeous. Sofia, come over - I can kick my boyfriend out for the night, plus my bedspread is immaculate and my nails are real!

Sep 12 11 - 7:49am
thespiral

P.S. Do you know how at every party there's always one guy who's just a little too old, and brags a little too loudly, and if you squint a little you can maybe imagine him being semi-cool a decade ago, but now he just seems kind of sad and lonely?

Agustus, I'm looking at you. Federico, see you in 10 years.