Paul, 39

How long have you been in Madison?
I've been in the Madison area all my life.

Where do you go to meet ladies during the summer?
Bars, usually. It depends on what you're looking for.

Do you currently have a summer fling?
Well, maybe I should come out and say that I'm married. I don't know if that changes this interview or not.

Not at all. Have you been together a long time?
We've known each other for quite awhile. We met in the summer, actually. I met her in high school. She's in my younger brother's grade. We started dating when I was working as a lifeguard in the summer. That's pretty much the summer romance that turned into the relationship.
She just spent a lot of time at the pool, and I was always there working.

When you were a lifeguard, would people come up to you and flirt with you often?
I wouldn't say there were a lot of offers, but there were other summer romances that came about because of the position. I had a summer romance with another one of the lifeguards the year before I met my wife.

Has anyone ever asked you to do something completely unacceptable in bed, be it your wife or someone else?
No, but I'd like to meet that person.

That seems to be a common answer with men of all ages. Are you looking to find your sexual limit?
Absolutely. I mean, I want to try everything. We can take that beyond the bedroom.

Is your wife open and accepting of this?
Yes, we have been with other people, both together and apart.

Threesomes?
Four.

You've had four threesomes?
Foursomes. And a few threesomes.

Please explain.
Well, I'll talk about the foursome, I guess. It was with friends of ours, and it started with someone just saying, "Wouldn't it be crazy if?" And then you talk a little more about it, and it becomes more and more real. So you plan for something to happen, and it eventually does. It was kind of awkward, but still exciting and fun. For both my wife and I, we think that it almost might be better if they were strangers in the future. To me, that eliminates any awkwardness afterwards, because if you do it with friends of yours that you've been hanging out with for years and years, all it takes is for one person to be a little bit uncomfortable afterwards, and it kind of ruins the relationship.

So trying it again is definitely on the horizon?
We are both interested in trying it again. You start looking towards other people to accept you sexually. Which is a whole lot different than looking to other people to accept you socially. So there's a little bit of anxiety there, where you put yourself out there to pursue something like that, but you need to be ready to be rejected.

Would you consider yourselves "swingers?"
Well, "swingers" has a negative connotation to it. I'd say more that we have an "open relationship." Basically, the difference is that we aren't out actively seeking relationships outside of us. If an opportunity presents itself, we're both free to take it, should we decide that's what we want to do. There have been a lot of times where we've been able to tell each other before something was going to happen. Generally, though, you don't bring it up if you've just met someone. You only bring it up if it becomes a real possibility. To us, it's not the affair that causes problems, it's the cover-ups. So we've eliminated that. It's human nature to want to try something different. So you try it, it's exciting, and it's nice to be wanted by someone else. But at the end of it, we're coming back together.

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