Love & Sex

Talking To Strangers: Miami, FL

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Nerve asks deeply personal questions to people we just met. 

Daniela, 27

What do you do?
I bartend in Coconut Grove at a private club. My job never gets me laid. All my customers are all really old, that’s why they can afford a private club.

Do you have any crazy hookup stories?
I’ve had guns pulled on me. I was on a date and it was going really well, except this one guy friend of hers was not very receptive to our date. I kept asking her about it and she kept telling me, “No, we never dated.” Eventually, we're going to leave, and I get to my car with the girl and roll down the windows to smoke a blunt, when he popped up in my window with a Glock with a laser pointer. I was already really wasted because I won a pool tournament at the club and got this really crazy tab, which of course I spent on shots of Jameson with everybody. So I was at that point, but now I had a fucking Glock in my face. I happened to recognize the gun, and I was like, “Wow, you’re an asshole, waving a gun around with a laser pointer. First of all, it shouldn’t have a laser pointer, and second of all, it doesn’t have a safety, so you could end up shooting the girl you’re trying to impress in the face." I said all this while I had a gun to my forehead, which was not a good idea. Brought to you in part by Jameson. And then I told him that I didn’t understand where he could hide a Glock in his skinny jeans all night. I thought he had a huge, you know, but the gun was in his crotch, so there was obviously nothing else there. And then he got very upset and was waving it furiously and in my face. But I’m alive! All this, in Miami, for a lesbian.

Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?
In the parking lot of the Coral Gables police station. Honestly, we didn’t know it was a cop station parking lot until afterwards. We were just really in the moment and looking for a place to park the car. We didn’t realize until we were done that we were surrounded by pigs. I feel like I’m a cat and I’m on like my seventh life. Time’s running out.

What do you look for in a girl?
Someone who looks really hot in a dress but still can kick my ass. Like, someone who can dance to Latin things, who can still salsa, but could deck me in the face. I’m part Latin, a little bit. I mean, I’m Italian, but I grew up in Miami, so I’m Latin by association. The dating scene in Miami, as far as lesbians are concerned — I was just explaining this earlier — well, I call them "bro lesbians." They have ponytails, but they’ve plastered the top down or to the side, with these little curls coming out. And they have really baggy shorts, like below their ass, and they hump your leg and say, “Oye mami, dale mami, gasolina,” but that’s different from other places I’ve lived, like New York. In New York, there are some bro lesbians, but you can avoid them because there are so many that there’s like a separate bro lesbian party. Whereas here, they’re all combined and you can’t avoid it.

What’s one quality that most makes you want to sleep with someone?
Her ass. I’m sorry, but if I wanna bite it, I wanna talk to you. I walk into a party, like, [eyes downcast and darting around], like a German Shepherd looking for drugs. Just kidding. That’s horrible.

Do you have any dating dealbreakers?
If it’s our first date, or one of our first times going out to eat, and you order a salad or something really wimpy and anorexic, that’s it. We’re done. Order a steak, the rarer the better. I’m a total foodie, so if we’re out to dinner and you order something that makes me want to cream myself, I will swan dive into your crotch. I’m really easy.

NEXT: "It was an eight-hour flight, and both of us were a little bit too horny to hold back, so we went to the bathroom…"

Lucas, 21

Where are you from?
São Paulo, Brazil, originally, but I live and work here now. I study at FIU, do research for the Department of Energy, and work at a tutoring center.

Do any of those ever get you laid?
Yes, actually. At the tutoring center I’m a supervisor, and most recently, I’ve been hooking up with a girl who’s my tutee or student or whatever. You know, giving a bit of positive reinforcement. It doesn’t get me in trouble, though. I take it out of the tutoring room and into the bedroom.

Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?
On the beach, in the water, cars in parking lots, but the craziest would be in the center of the soccer field while there were cops chasing us. There was a girl that I was hooking up with, and we decided that it would be a good idea to go up to the soccer field in FIU while there was a free concert going on next door, I believe it was Kaskade and Pitbull. So, we’re in the soccer stadium at FIU, and we just jumped the fence and did our thing, but we’re trespassing, so the cops come, lights flashing, and as soon as we finished there’s three cars following us so we jumped the fence again and ran into the bushes.

Has a girl ever done anything crazy to get your attention?
Once a girl threw a water balloon at my face. It worked. I slept with her. There was a water balloon fight, I had no interest in her before any of that started, but at the end of the fight she threw a water balloon to my face, and that definitely caught my attention. I’m a little bit more subtle when talking to girls though. I’m smooth. I’ve flown out to Hong Kong to see a girl. As well as California and Chicago.

Are you a member of the Mile High Club?
Oh yeah. I was on my way to Brazil, and I met this girl on the flight. It was an eight-hour flight, and both of us were a little bit too horny to hold back, so we went to the bathroom.

Did your parents ever give you any advice about sex and relationships?
Absolutely. My parents are very strict — they’re actually both full-time pastors — but once I turned eighteen and moved away from home, I started doing my own thing. Their religious speech would be no sex until marriage, but when they were being real they just told me to hold back until I found the right person.

Do you have any crazy exes?
One ex was living in Brazil, we had dated for a year and a half, and when I was in Miami she would send me crazy packages with condoms and female condoms, not nice. She thought I was a sex freak. We didn’t have an open relationship at all, we weren’t even dating at the time, but she still didn’t like me. I broke up with her twice. When we got back together the second time I thought I should give it another try, I still liked her a little bit, but after a month or two I realized that it just wouldn’t work out. Then about two or three months later she went back to Brazil, and she saw my pictures on Facebook and decided to be a bitch.

Do you have any dating dealbreakers?
I’m not into a girl who will go dance on a pole on the first night. If I see a girl and have some type of commitment, like if we’ve been out a couple times already and then we go out and have a few drinks, then she can get up on the bar and dance. But if it’s the first time we go dancing and she’s letting it all out like that? No. First impressions are always important.

What’s one quality that most makes you want to sleep with someone?
I love good posture. I love a girl who walks straight, straight back, is able to hold her stance. Heels help. As long as she’s confident. I don’t have a generic type, I like to get to know a girl before something happens.

How is dating in Brazil different from dating in Miami?
I feel like the culture in Miami is a lot more going out and hooking up, and in Brazil, it’s a lot more social drinking then hooking up. The drinking age there is eighteen, here it’s twenty-one, so people handle themselves a bit better. Brazil is definitely more of a dating scene. Even if you hook up with somebody at a club or a bar, you're more likely to end up dating them long-term in Brazil. Give it a week or two, you’re very likely to keep talking and make something official. That’s less likely in Miami. Here, I feel like somebody can hook up with a girl or guy for three, four weeks straight, and not make it a relationship. Whereas in Brazil, give it a week or two, and you’d better be in a relationship because that’s how it’s done.

NEXT: "My husband works for a nightclub, so he sees boobs and tits all the time, I can’t just sit there and do nothing."

Mercedes, 40

What do you think of the dating scene here in Miami?
I’ve always lived here, and even though I’m married I always go out with my single friends. It’s a little crazy now, not like before. Back in the day it was a little more decent, everybody was out to help each other. If someone saw you a little too drunk everyone would always look out for you. Now you have to watch to make sure nobody puts something in your drink. In the dating scene everybody’s just out to fuck. It’s not about serious relationships or anything like that. It’s different, a little more animalistic.

Have you ever done anything crazy to get a guy’s attention?
I used to race cars and motorcycles. Once I tell a guy I ride a motorcycle, that’s all I need to do. They’re like, “Oh shit.” I still ride, I have a Ducati 600 now. I met my husband because I was in an accident and flipped the car over three times, and he was one of the people who came out to help me. From there we started talking and just connected. And that was sixteen years ago.

Has your sex life with your husband changed over the years?
We’re better now, but we experiment more. After sixteen years, you have to keep it going because if you lose touch he’s going to go to somebody else. My husband works for a nightclub, so he sees boobs and tits all the time, I can’t just sit there and do nothing. We have to experiment. Always try something new, don’t be afraid to use toys, okay? Toys are a major thing. Just try something. I have always believed that you just have to try something the first time. Don’t bash it because you have a fear of it, don’t ever be afraid to go out and try it. Whether it’s a different event, a different group, just try it. If you don’t like it, then you stay away, but it doesn’t hurt to try it.

Do the two of you have any great hookup stories?
A long time ago my husband and I were at a hotel having sex after a rave, and he fell on a glass table and got cut. It was actually a major turn on for some reason, seeing all the blood. That’s when a fascination with blood play got started. It got heavier from there. We would attend parties at the Fetish Factory, and became a part of a small blood cult. First we would all go and have blood taken to make sure that nobody had any diseases. But it became a small group of people who would go and have orgies and parties and things like that. Everybody knows they’re clean, so we would get together and go out to clubs, go to The Kitchen club, and just go back to a hotel together afterwards. It’s not always a slutty thing because I just want to meet people; it’s not like I’m fucking everybody. I don’t see it that way. I am a mother. I just want to go out and explore and enjoy life. My daughter is a teenager, so I have to be a little careful with what I say around her, but my husband and I still go out and have fun. We tell her that we’re getting a hotel some nights because it’s too far and we don’t want to drive home, she doesn’t even question it. I raised her right. Maybe one day I’ll tell her exactly what we’re getting up to, but maybe not.

Did your parents discuss sex differently with you than you discuss it with your daughter?
Hell yeah. My parents are old-fashioned Cubans; they didn’t really talk to me about sex at all. I learned about everything from my gay uncle who showed me the video of what happens when somebody gets pregnant. When I saw it, I freaked the fuck out. But now, I sit down with my daughter and tell her about everything. I tell her I don’t want to be a grandma, I’m too young for that. I show her the videos, I talk to her very openly about it. I bought her condoms. Of course, she threw them away, and said, “Ew, Mom,” but I think that as long as you teach your child right then you’re going to be okay.

Where’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?
I once did it at a club next to the bar. That was awesome. It wasn’t even a sex kind of club, it was at Cameo. He goes, “Sit on top of me,” so I just sat on top of him and we had it out. I was freaking out, thinking that people were looking at us but I was so drunk I didn’t care. It was all good. But this is all with my husband so it wasn’t so bad.

Do you have any crazy exes?
I did have a few crazy ones who did come back and offer me the world, riches beyond riches, but it was during my raver days. With exes, if it wasn’t going to happen then, it isn’t going to happen now, so I never went for it. Once I was at a party with one of my exes, and he decided to go light up his whole car full of lights, and was standing there like, “Please take me back” in front of the car with all these flashing lights. It didn’t work. Not gonna happen.