"Because I didn’t dress like this to get laid, is that not obvious?"
Are you at all cold in just underwear?
Even in the bar, it is a little drafty. But I came wearing more clothes, so it wasn’t completely brutal on the way here.
What is your costume?
I’m Nick Cage as Miley Cyrus in Wrecking Ball.
Do your balls feel exposed right now being only covered in tighty whities?
Yes, but I’m actually double tighty whitying it because I was concerned about this phenomenon of which you are currently referring to. So I decided it would be best to double up. It’s not so bad.
Have people been hitting on you because of your costume?
It’s been interesting. I’m a straight man, but I’ve definitely received a lot of male propositions tonight. I went outside to use the ATM, and while I was walking down the street, a man actually tried to lure me into his car. I think because he mistook me for a prostitute. That was interesting and unexpected.
How did he try to lure you?
He pulled up in a black sedan, couldn’t have been more stereotypical. He was Russian. He said, “You look cold, you should uh, get in my car. Where are you going? Let me give you a ride.” I was like, “No, thank you, sir. Uh, I’m fine.” He said, “No, no. It’s fine just come here, just come sit in my car.” I said, “Bye.” Then I actually ran off down the street.
Dressed the way you are, what could you say to a woman here tonight to impress her?
I truly have no idea. I suppose the best I could do is say, “I’m straight,” and then if she views the way I’m dressed as a positive quality, that’s as good as I can do. Because I didn’t dress like this to get laid, is that not obvious? I don’t know. Girls don’t come across my mind on Halloween night. Maybe most people dress for the opposite sex on Halloween, it’s not for me though.
What do you think the motivation is for a guy to dress up for Halloween versus a girl’s motivation?
As with anytime a girl dresses, she’s more concerned with the way she’ll be perceived by the opposite sex and that has nothing to do with the girl, but what society expects of girls. For Halloween, I think that’s also true and obvious. And then there are all the slutty costumes for like, every profession. For guys, we can just wear whatever the hell we want. I started cross dressing for Halloween years ago as a stupid joke in college but I stuck with it because I find it’s easier than coming up with a creative costume. I just take a stereotypical costume for a girl and wear it as a guy and I’m instantly more clever than the next costume.
What's your costume?
I am a duckface photo fixed by adding spaghetti.
You’re the second person I’ve talked to today that’s 29. It’s a hot age. What’s the best part about being 29 in New York?
It’s the worst, there’s nothing good about it.
Are you single?
I’m in a relationship.
What’s the best part about being 29 in general?
Being a pseudo grown up, having some money and not having to be totally responsible because I don’t have kids.
What do you do for a living?
I’m an interior designer.
How do you impress an interior designer?
Having good style in your home?
Where is the best place to have sex in a very nice apartment?
In a really nice bathtub. Like an $8,000 tub. Like one carved out of a single piece of stone. I highly recommend trying to get in one anywhere you can find one. They’re really nice.
Where is the most lavish place you’ve had sex?
A sailboat. It’s not actually as lavish and sexy as it sounds. My boyfriend’s parents own a sailboat and sometimes we hang out on it and have sex on it. Usually my boyfriend and I are both really excited to have sex because it’s on a boat.
Does having sex on a boat ever give you vertigo?
No, I take Dramamine, otherwise I’d get sick and that would be very embarrassing.
Where’s the worst place you’ve had sex?
In my friend’s den. It was really dirty and gross and embarrassing. We had sex on a 40-year-old sofa. I was 17.
Where did you lose your virginity?
On a standard twin-sized bed.
As an interior designer, where is the best place to lose your virginity?
In an $8,000 bathtub.
What is your costume?
I’m “I should buy a boat” or “I was supposed to pick up Carl.”
Can you explain what that means?
Sure. “I should buy a boat is” an image of a cat wearing a business outfit sitting at a table pondering his financial decisions of the day.
Where are you from?
Uh, New York?
Are you actually from New York or are you making that up?
Well, I lived in New Jersey but I moved out as soon as I could.
So you’re ashamed that your from New Jersey?
Yes. New Jersey is an awful place to live. I’m from Morris County.
Do you like dating the stereotypical Jersey girls?
I haven’t dated someone from New Jersey in a very long time. Girls from Morris County are kind of like high-heeled, very feminine, like to go to the club, might watch sports with their boyfriends kind of girls.
Where was your most interesting ex-girlfriend from?
I dated a girl from Brazil for a little while, that was interesting. There were some translation issues, but it was fun. Having English as your second language, I’m sure there’s things that don’t translate. I mean, we’re at a meme party. I don’t think that’s a typical thing in Brazil.
Tell me about your worst hook up.
Probably, and this happened multiple times, where I was hooking up with someone and they didn’t realize they were on their period and then it just got awkward. That happened a couple times. This one time, we were both very drunk, we were having sex and realizing much too late that there’s blood everywhere and it’s on my hands and there’s no where to put it and it’s on her face. Then I’m like, “You might want to take care of that.”
What is your costume?
I’m Sharknado from the film, “Sharknado.”
What’s the sexiest part about a shark?
I guess if you’re into pain and you get off on pain, then maybe shark bites if that’s your thing.
Is that Saran wrap at the top of your costume?
It’s made of a tomato plant thing and I wrapped it in Saran Wrap and have some spray paint and have the sharks on there and they’re spinning around like a..tornado.
That's pretty creative. Tell me about your worst date.
The worst date I was ever on was a girl who was super boring. She just sat there and was very uninteresting. When I talked to her I had to, you know, engage in conversation and she was just like, “Ok, cool, yeah.” That’s pretty boring.
Yeah, that is, indeed, boring. Are you in a relationship now?
Yes I am.
How did you meet?
How many Ok Cupid dates did you go on before meeting your girlfriend?
I went on a bunch of dates. I don’t know, but dating is fun so it wasn’t a big deal. But my girlfriend ended up being the most fun out of all of them.
What is it about a person’s online dating profile makes you want to date them?
Creatively written profiles. Anyone can be like, “I’m funny,” but if you actually write something that’s funny then you’re like oh, they actually are funny.
Do you remember what your girlfriend’s profile said?
No I don’t. She was cute.
What kinds of pictures on someone’s dating profile make you not want to date them?
Duck face because it’s stupid, you look like an idiot. The pretend mustache photo because it tries too hard to be like, “Look I’m quirky!” Pictures in your bathroom mirror. Also if you have only very cropped photos. I want to see what you look like, not just weird angles.