Talking to Strangers

Nerve asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

Ana, 24

Are you from around here?
No, I'm from Georgia.

How is dating different here?
In Georgia, the women operate under the illusion that they're supposed to be mothers and the boys act like babies. In New York, the boys still act like babies, but the women just want to get fucked. Here they act like sluts. The truth is somewhere in between.

What's the hottest thing someone's done for you?
Carry my shit. When they didn't need to, when they didn't think they were getting laid. If you have a bunch of bags and you're walking down the street, guys will cat-call you and hoot and holler and get mad when you don't react. Those guys won't carry shit.

If your partner wanted you to do something kinky, what's the kinkiest you could go in the name of love?
I plead the fifth. [A guy wanted to do golden showers] and I had to do research to make sure it was hygienic, and I thought about it. It's perfectly healthy, I just decided it wasn't for me. It was a male-dominance thing. And I thought about it, and it was like, this would not make me want to have sex later. Being kinky is great, but it wasn't a kink that we shared.

Do you have a deal breaker?
Yeah, if he wants to fuck other girls. Or other guys. If he wants to fuck anyone else. You want to fuck three ways to hell, that's great, I'm down to fuck three ways to hell, but we're gonna be monogamous. I've got a great pussy, it is what it is.

What about a threesome? Have you ever tried it?
No, because I used to date girls for a little while, and I think I would be distracted. There's equal but different attractions to both. So I don't really want to be a part of it, I feel like I would be subservient to the emotional needs of both parties, and I didn't want to be in that position.

Do you still date women?
No. It was way complicated.

Do you think guys are simpler?
I'm more attracted to men. I am into men, I like penis.

Alex, 27

What do you like about girls?
I would consider myself more of an ass man. Boobs are good, but I think it's all about ass, really. But I've dated a lot of girls and it's not about the looks or the body type, it's more just about the connection or the attitude. I don't consider sex or being sexual as displaying your goods. I think it's more about the connection, how you think, and how you feel about the other person.

Is there something in the opposite sex that gets you every time?
Short hair. I don't know why.

Are you from around here?
No, the Ukraine.

How is dating different in the Ukraine?
In my experience, Russians are very materialistic. The intellect or the artistic side is not really valued. That's just my opinion, I do know a lot of Russian girls who were very cool and artistic, but in my dating experience, it was very materialistic and all about marriage and kids and what's gonna happen next and how much money are you going to spend on me. Here, it's more open to what you want to do. If you're a broke artist, you can still get a girl. If you connect with some person and they're cool with it, it's cool. For a lot of American girls, it's about the attitude.

Is there any dating move you could pull in the Ukraine that wouldn't fly here, or vice versa?
Honestly, if I go back to Ukraine right now, I would get so much ass. Because: "United States." It's weird, it's the money. Right now, I haven't been back in five years.

So you say "United States" and it means money?
Yeah. But I don't have money. "United States" means stability and money and glamour and culture. In high school there I was an average guy, but if I went back now, I would be like, "Oh yeah, I live in New York." And girls would just be like, "Oh really, you live in New York..."

How many countries have you had sex in?
Masturbation doesn't count?

It will count if you masturbated —
On somebody? I guess I would say just two countries. Ukraine and U.S. I did masturbate on a plane recently.

Did you get off on the plane?
Yeah, but just by myself. In the bathroom. It was just a boring flight, so I was like, fuck it.

It must have been a long flight.
No, it wasn't that long.

 

Bauer, 21

How would you characterize dating in New York?
I get picked up by a lot of really older men. I should be too young for them.

Like how old?
I would say thirty-five. And I'm twenty-one. The last time I got picked up, I was in Lowe's looking for spray paint. He said, "Hey, do you know where the spray paint for glass is?" And I said no and helped him look for it. And then he caught up with me outside. It was weird.

What do you think makes a good kiss versus a bad kiss?
Sometimes people just go all in. Chill out. Relax. I'm still gonna be here, it's not a race. Don't eat my face. I want to have my face intact after this.

Has anyone ever done anything to offend you in the bedroom?
Once someone said they were doing me a favor by wearing a condom. Fuck you, don't even try that. I will drop you like a hat. NO BABIES. Don't make it seem like you're doing me a favor.

Where's the most interesting place you've ever had sex?
The most interesting place I've ever had sex was Morocco. I was on spring break. It was a Moroccan man. I also ended up thinking I was completely in love with him.