Love & Sex

Talking to Strangers: New York, NY

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Nerve asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

Talking to Strangers - Spencer

Spencer, 25

What do you do for a living?
I'm a copywriter.

Does this job get you laid?
No. I don't want to date anyone I work with. Especially because I'm a freelance writer. I don't want things getting out about me.

Do you have something to hide?
Maybe…

What's the craziest sex position you've tried?
I don't know about crazy positions. I've had more crazy situations than anything.

Such as?
Well, there was this wedding in Atlanta where I mysteriously disappeared for a few hours and came back with bite marks on my nipples, deep scratches down my back and sides, and was covered in bruises. To this day, no one knows what happened.

Were you mauled by a wild animal?
You could say that.

Do you have an age limit when it comes to dating?
Thirty-five, but even that's still up there. I will not date younger girls. I have a narrow window. Honestly, personality is more important than age. That's why I can't date young girls, especially ones in college.

What's the problem?
I may sound like an asshole, but they're still working through issues I've already figured out. Like, I just got out of a relationship with a twenty-one-year old. Whenever she had a big test, she'd get super-quiet and bitchy; she didn't know how to manage her stress and emotions. She had a lot of growing up to do. Plus, I think she was a virgin.

You "think" she was a virgin?
We only dated a month.

Is that really a relationship?
In New York City it is. People don't want to take anything slow here. You can go through a lot with someone — mentally, emotionally, physically — in a month here. More so here than anywhere I think.

What's the worst move a girl's put on you?
This actually happened recently: there was this gal at a birthday party I was at who was aggressively trying to talk to me. I like aggressive women, but I wasn't attracted to her. She finally smashed a piece of cake in my face so that I had to walk into the bathroom to clean up. She followed me in there and asked me out.

What did you say?
We went out a few times.

So that's how women should get a guy's attention?
I figured she put two hours of her evening into trying to ask me out, I might as well give her a shot. I later found out that she's a blogger — she blogs about her failed relationships. I checked and wasn't up there. I was kind of upset.

 

Talking to Strangers - Blair

Blair, 21

What do you do for a living?
I'm a senior in college for art history.

What's the craziest sex position you've ever done?
My boyfriend at the time and I were in a park and I was leaned up against a fence. It was in the middle of the day and there were definitely people around.

Weren't you afraid of getting caught?
Yeah. That's what made it crazy.

Do you have an age limit when it comes to dating?
Thirty-five. I can't relate to certain things if someone is older than that.

What's one sexual thing you want to do before you die?
I want to be tied up or handcuffed and totally taken advantage of. I'm a women's-studies minor, so it makes this totally taboo, but that's what makes it more desired and erotic. I'm not in any way saying that all women secretly want to be raped. There needs to be consent. You need to talk to your partner about it beforehand. But it's true that a lot of women I know have this fantasy.

Is sex better when you're in love?
Yes. When you're with the same person, you know what they're good at and what they like. It goes the same for you and your wants. You're not afraid to experiment with this person. Or tell them if you don't like something. Also, it removes the awkwardness of one-night-stands.

What's your most attractive quality?
I'm a nympho. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality and need to have sex three times a day.

Three times exactly?
More is always welcomed. I'm also very sweet to the person I'm with. I make sure their needs are met. It's actually hard to find a guy able to keep up with my needs.

Have you ever had sex with someone you shouldn't have?
Beyond yes. I had sex with a heroin addict once. And was with a guy my best friend was in love with. That was pretty shitty of me. But I don't feel guilty really. I don't regret anything I've done because now I'm dating the love of my life. If I hadn't made those mistakes then I wouldn't realize how lucky I am to have the man I'm with now. It made me realize that I want to spend my life with him.

 

Talking to Strangers - Patrick

Patrick, 24

What do you do for a living?
I'm an actor. Technically, an office assistant for an actors network.

Does the job get you laid?
It can — I meet a lot of people. But there's always a risk. You don't want people to talk and you also don't want to screw someone who could potentially screw your career.

What's the craziest sex position you've done?
It's not a position. But my girlfriend and I were on my parents' washing machine. They were home, so it was risky.

Was the washing machine on?
Nah.

Too bad.
Why's that?

Trade secret. Do you have an age limit when it comes to dating?
It's very liquid. I recently hit it off with a woman at least ten years my elder. It was just a random conversation at a bar, but I totally would have dated her — we had a lot in common. But definitely not someone younger, like nineteen. She needs to be able to drink.

Why is drinking important?
So that I can take advantage of her, of course. By the way, would you like another beer?

No, thanks.
I'm just kidding. It really has nothing to do about drinking or not drinking. There's an experience gap when someone is younger. That's why I say it's "liquid." Depends on the person and her maturity level.

What's your deepest, darkest fantasy?
Sex in a church. I grew up a Bible thumper in a rural town in Texas. That's what makes it so appealing; even though I don't believe in all that stuff anymore, it's still in the back of my mind as sinful. Ergo, hot.

What's the worst move someone has put on you?
It's always dudes. Not that I'm freaked out by dudes or anything. I'm just opposed to being hit on poorly.

Do you have an example?
I was at this whiskey bar. Whenever my glass got low, our waiter brought over a different whiskey for me to try "on the house." When he set down their most expensive whiskey, the fifth glass, he leaned in and asked: "Where does this bourbon tour end up?"

Is sex better when you're in love?
Yes. There's this Faulkner quote I love: "There is no such thing as bad whiskey. Some whiskeys just happen to be better than others." It's like that. Any sex is good. But when you've been together longer, it's just better.

Talking to Strangers - Lara

Lara, 21

What do you do for a living?
Handle props for film sites.

Does this get you laid?
Sort of. The prop master is my boyfriend.

What's one sexual act you want to do before you die?
That I haven't already done? Hmm, I guess having sex outdoors when people are around but can't see us. Like secret sex.

What's your deepest, darkest fantasy?
Having sex with all the boys on set except my boyfriend. Like one after the other. I might take a few breaks in between.

Is sex better when you're in love?
Yes. Every time is different when you're in love. It's never boring. It just keeps getting better and better. Fucking different people can be exciting. But it's the same kind of excitement, you know? Like the same feeling. But when you're in love, you feel so many different things all at once.

What's the worst move someone has put on you?
"Yo, I love your body. It's so fucking cute I'd date you." Stupid bro.

What your most attractive quality?
I'm really loyal. I think boys can feel this about me. It's a good feeling knowing the woman you're with isn't going to cheat on you.

Have you ever slept with anyone you shouldn't have?
Many, many times. There was this one night that I was wasted, and then smoked a huge blunt. I ended up at a party hooking up with this random stranger who I later learned did PCP. Oh! And then there was this other night I hooked up with this random guy off the street. Oh, and there was this guy I had to fuck because he had a British accent. It was raw sex because we were on Vicodin.

Any others?
I've been doing dumb stuff like this since I was in high school. Are you from New York City? People grow up fast here.

 

Talking to Strangers - Joie

Joie, 30

What do you do for a living?
Actor.

Does this job get you laid?
Yes. Lots of showmances.

"Showmance?"
When you're working forty-plus hours a week with someone, especially if you're playing love interests, you're bound to fuck. Anytime you watch a movie and think, "Wow, they have really great chemistry on film," they most probably were fucking off camera.

What's the craziest sexual position you've done?
In the shower up against the wall. It was an awesome angle and everything was so wet and hot.

Do you have an age limit when it comes to dating?
Twenty-one is too young. They just go out and get hammered all the time. They're just learning self-control and I already have it. So I guess between twenty-three and thirty-four. I'm not opposed to dating older women, but we'd have to have good chemistry. Or an awesome showmance.

What's one sexual thing you want to do before you die?
It's boring, but a threesome. Having two women at the same time is the ultimate fantasy for most men I think.

Is sex better when you're in love?
Absolutely. You're more emotional and have a better connection. You know that person — know what they like and dislike.

What's the worst move someone has put on you?
People don't usually put moves on me, period. But there was a best move. It was a showmance. And the cast got together for a closing-night party. This girl and I had a great connection but I thought she had a boyfriend so I didn't pursue it. My wingman went to casually talk to her. All of a sudden, he turned to me, gave me two thumbs up and mouthed: "No boyfriend." A few minutes later, she made the announcement that she was going to leave and walked out the door and into the stairwell. I followed her and she was leaning on the rail. She said, "I was hoping someone was going to follow me." It was like in the movies: we made out on the railing, in the cab ride home… a totally smooth transition.

Gotta love those showmances.
I'm telling you.

 

Talking to Strangers - Hanah

Hanah, 21

What do you do for a living?
I'm a bartender and psychology student.

Do these jobs get you laid?
Not often. I work too much. There's been one or two people I've gone home with from the bar. I just got back from Europe actually. I was there for six months. A week before I left, I met this awesome guy and we went on a date and kissed. I just got back a few days ago and we're going out this weekend.

Any goals for the date?
Not really. Hopefully more than kissing though. I didn't get any action in Europe.

What's the craziest sex position you've done?
The candlestick, where the girl puts one leg up in the air by the guy's shoulders and the other between his legs. He's kneeling and just goes to town.

I picture more of a scissor action. Why is it called a candlestick?
Hmm. I don't know. Maybe because he was dripping wax on me when we did it?

Do you have an age limit when it comes to dating?
My average age is upper twenties. If they're younger than me it will never work out. You need to be able to legally offer me a drink, and financially able to buy me dinner. Younger guys just can't do that.

What's one sexual thing you want to do before you die?
I know it's impossible, but having sex while skydiving.

That's quite a feat.
It's hot for two reasons: one, it's impossible, and two, you're almost dying and orgasming at the same time.

Le petite mort.
The mini death. Exactly. So hot.

What's your deepest, darkest fantasy?
Being totally submissive to someone. Like tied up and stuff. I mean, things can't go too far. There needs to be trust there. I need to be able to call "Mustard!"

"Mustard?"
Yea. An unsexy safeword. I also like "penguin."

Both good picks. Would this scene be better if you were in love?
I've never been in love, so I'd say "no." Actually, the best sex I've had was with someone I didn't care about in any way. I went to Amsterdam a few years ago and had sex with this Greek god. There was no talking. No cuddling. We just met up, pushed each other against walls, and fucked like animals. If love is better than that…