Love & Sex

Talking to Strangers: New York, NY

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Nerve asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

Kathryn, 30

What do you do for a living?
I'm a bartender in Hell's Kitchen. 

Does this job get you laid?
It could if I used it to my advantage. But I'm not that way. It'd be too easy for me to get laid on a daily basis, but I'd rather just go about it a different way. 

Which way?
I prefer to be in a relationship. So every relationship I've been in I've waited at least three weeks. 

What's your deepest, darkest fantasy?
I've pretty much done everything. 

Everything?
Yeah, I think so. I'm pretty adventurous. I can't really think of anything that I haven't done.

What's your favorite position in bed?
It depends on what kind of mood I'm in. Most of the time I'm on top.  

Would you say you're a "take charge" kind of girl in the bedroom?
I wouldn't say that. I like it because I like a strong man and usually he can control things better from that angle. But I also like to change things around, like doing doggie-style. I like using furniture. If I'm in a hotel room, I want to utilize every part of it. In the shower is great too, except water isn't the best lubricant, obviously. 

What move drives you crazy in bed?
Like what? 

I like getting my hair pulled, for example. Some women like being spanked, or kissed on the neck, or getting scratched.
Well, this is something that I've learned fairly recently, especially in my thirties: everything gets me going. It doesn't take much at all. All of the things that you listed, plus a lot more, get me going. I'm an easy trigger. 

What does the perfect man look like to you?
Mark Sanchez, the quarterback for the Jets. He's very manly looking. I love that. I don't like any feminine features in a guy. He's got to be tall, dark, and handsome. And he's also got to have big hands, for obvious reasons. 

Does your boyfriend look like Mark Sanchez?
No, they really don't look alike. But I consider my boyfriend on the same level as Mark Sanchez. He also has big hands.  

If you could erase any bad date from the past, which would it be?
I went on a date with this guy when I was living in San Francisco. He could have been gay, I couldn't tell. They're all pretty metro/borderline-gay out there. But anyways, we were out to dinner — we were doing shots at dinner — and he ended up getting in a fight with another guy during the dinner. He ended up spilling a glass of red wine all over me. So I had red-wine stains all over me. 

Did he at least pay for the dry-cleaning bill?
No, because he got kicked out of the bar. I ended up getting stuck with the bill.  

Do you have any advice for the opposite sex?
Be more observant about the way you approach things. Like, learn to look for the subtle signs that girls are hinting at. If she pulls away from you during a conversation, back off a little. If she leans in, then she's probably interested, so push more. Also, if a woman doesn't really seem to be in the mood, then you should start off really soft and slow. I think a lot of guys tend to go balls to the wall right at the beginning. But we're like cars. You want to work us up a little bit.

 

Bob, 34

What do you do for a living?
I'm a ski patroller. If you get hurt on a mountain, I'm the guy that rescues you.
 
Does this job get you laid?
I wish more than it does. But not that much.
 
I'm surprised. You're the ultimate "white knight" that saves women.
That's true. But they usually have broken legs.
 
What's your favorite position?
Probably doggie or reverse cowgirl. I like those because I think the girls enjoy it the most.
 
Are you a "give head to get head" kind of guy?
Yes. I'm fine with going down on a girl, but I also like receiving. It's all part of the game. She doesn't have to finish me off or anything. But take your time, do it right. It's foreplay, and guys like it.
 
What's your deepest, darkest fantasy?
It would probably have to be twins or something like that. It's just something that would never happen. Besides Hugh Hefner, who does that? And that's my definition of a fantasy: something that could never happen.

What move drives you crazy in bed?
I don't think I can put it on one move. It's a whole package sort of deal for me. As long as she takes her time and does things right.
 
What would the perfect woman look like?
The girl's got to be able to ski. But nothing too big in either direction: not huge tits and not tiny tits, not fat and not anorexic. I guess I just want a real girl.
 
Which bad date would you erase from the past?
I have a sense of humor that is a little off-kilter. A little sarcastic, even. You can say whatever and I'm not going to give a shit — it's not going to affect me. I went on a date with a girl who wasn't really into that, so we just didn't click.

 

Miranda, 25

What do you do for a living?
I'm a recruiting assistant for a information-technology company.
 
Does this job get you laid?
Hell no. Not at all. I work in an office with eight guys.
 
That seems promising.
You would think. But there's no interaction with any of them. I'm pretty much looking at a computer all day and answering phones.
 
Can you at least look at porn?
When my boss isn't in, if I chose to, yeah.
 
What's your deepest, darkest fantasy?
Pitch black, eyes covered. I don't want to see who's around me. Just go at it, guns blazing. I don't want to give a fuck about who I'm fucking. Girls, guys, I don't care. I want it to be literally pitch black, I don't even want my eyes to adjust. I just want to feel what's going on.
 
Do you have any sex secrets?
No. Well, maybe cheating on my ex. But that's it.
 
Was this a consistent sort of thing, or was it a one-time deal?
It was pretty consistent. But now I've given up the cheating.
 
So you don't believe in the phrase, "once a cheater, always a cheater?"
I do believe in that when it's someone cheating on me. But for myself, I just believe that I'm over that now. I don't want the constant revolving door.
 
What move drives you crazy in bed?
Anything that is dominant and physical. I want to be submissive. Like we're going at it, and he tells me, "turn over," "do this," "do that." And whatever else comes with that.
 
What does the perfect man look like?
Well, if you saw my lineup it really wouldn't go with what I say. I'm a hypocrite. I date real lowlifes. But my perfect man would be a very laidback guy who doesn't try too hard or let his ego get the best of him, and I would rather see him in a T-shirt and jeans than in anything else. Oh, and with a beer.
 
The beer is key?
Totally.
 
Which bad date would you erase from the past?
Oh my God. It wasn't even a bad date. But we ended up hooking up and I ended up… Wait, I can't put that online. Let's just say the date cost me a lot in the weeks that followed.
 
What's your favorite position?
Doggie. They can just take hold of your hips, your hair, elbows, everything.
 
Elbows?
Oh yeah. Everything is there's for the taking.
 
Are you a "give head to get head" kind of girl?
I'm a girl who lives in hope of that. But it doesn't seem to play out like that. Still, I'm very picky about who I go down on. I feel like oral is more intimate than actual sex. It's easy to fuck. But to actually put time and work into pleasing somebody is different.
 
If you could give advice to the opposite sex, what would it be?
Always please the lady. In the end, it's going to benefit you in and out of bed.

Eric, 27

What do you do for a living?
At the moment, I'm a law student.
 
Do this get you laid?
I'm sure it could. I could cash in on short-term, not-very-deep relationships. But I don't think it would matter to girls who could be possible soulmates.
 
Are you looking for a soulmate?
In the long term, yes.
 
What's your deepest, darkest fantasy?
To find a soulmate. No, I'm just joking. I'm not a really voyeuristic person. I'm sure some people would say they want to do it in public places, like the park or something. But I'm more of a Southern, religious person. I'm not really a dark, sexually twisted person.
 
So the missionary position is all it takes?
Well, it depends on what the girl looks like. I'd like to see her best features. If I genuinely like her, then I'd want to see her face. But if it's one of those one-night deals, then whatever.
 
Do you have any sex secrets?
I don't really cheat on girls, so nothing like that. I guess the biggest secret I have is I kept dating this girl even though I didn't really see the relationship going anywhere. We were dating for six months and she was really in love with me; she wanted to get married and all of that. At the time, I just totally wasn't into the idea of getting married. I wasn't really in love with her, but I kept up with the relationship as if I was.
 
What move drives you crazy in bed?
Reverse cowgirl, but that's more of a position. Having my hands held down is pretty hot.
 
Are you a submissive kind of guy in bed?
No. Not normally. I usually take control. So that's why it's hot. It's like my qualities reflected in somebody else.
 
What would the perfect girl look like to you?
Me, with boobs. Just kidding. A perfect ten would be shorter than me, so like five-foot-four. I go for brunettes, not blondes. She has to be athletic. Boobs aren't really a thing for me, but I like legs. They tend to represent whether or not she's in shape. A nice butt too. Not a big butt, per se. It's more of a firmness thing.
 
What bad date would you erase from the past?
This past weekend a girl I used to date flew into New York. I hadn't seen her in a long time. She was very inappropriate to my friends, asking how much money they made and stuff. She's not really smart either. She said we all had to be working on Wall Street the next day so that she could buy stock. She thinks that Wall Street is a place where you walk up like a McDonald's and order. Really stupid.
 
Do you have any advice for the opposite sex?
I like coy, shy girls. Not throwing it all out there at first. There's no game to that. Also, don't pretend to be something you're not. Because down the line, the truth is going to come out.

 

Corey, 23

What do you do for a living?
I'm a waitress.

Does this job get you laid?
It could, definitely, if I chose to. But I have a boyfriend.

What's your favorite position?
I like being on top. I'm more likely to have an orgasm.

What's your deepest, darkest fantasy?
I really don't think I have one. I'm pretty happy just doing the same thing. We've been dating for five months and things are going fine. I don't want to mess that up.

Do you have any sex secrets?
No. Not really. I'm very open. Also, I didn't grow up in New York City. I came from Texas. So I feel like my sexual experiences are very mild compared to a lot of the men I could date. I'm not a big fan of the friends-with-benefits arrangement like a lot of the men in the city are. That's probably why they have a lot more secrets to keep.

What move drives you crazy in bed?
Absolutely no fingering in the ass.

What does the perfect man look like to you?
Six-foot-three, dark hair, with a football player's build.

What bad date would you erase from the past?
The first guy I went on a date with. I really thought that we were going to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and he just wanted the casual-sex thing. We worked together at the time, which was the bad aspect of the date.

Are you a "give head to get head" kind of girl?
No. I'll just give head without expecting to get head. But I don't really enjoy it.

How come?
I just don't like the way it feels. I don't like anything in my mouth. But if I'm feeling generous I will.

What advice do you have for the opposite sex?
Don't have sex with emotionally needy girls. It just fucks them up more.

 

Brendon, 27

Does bartending get you laid?
Yeah. Girls like good-looking bartenders. Especially when they get a few free drinks.
 
I spoke to a male bartender recently, and he said you guys don't get laid as often as people assume; girls don't want to wait until the end of your shift to go home with you.
That's true. A lot of it is potential. There are some girls who have waited until four a.m. because they're interested in me. And if they put in the effort, then, yeah, I'll probably go home with them. But if she leaves me her number, then there's the potential to meet up another night too.
 
What's your deepest, darkest fantasy?
I guess being with the two of the hottest strippers and having a threesome. Like, having them both suck my dick and then fucking them from behind.
 
Seems like a pretty typical male fantasy.
Yea. I don't have any weird stuff. Like wearing costumes or anything.
 
Do you have any secrets?
I cheated on my ex. I never told her during the relationship, or after, that I did it, because I cared about her and didn't want to hurt her.
 
What move drives you crazy in bed?
My ex used to wiggle her ass back and forth when she was on top. And then, if I was behind her, she would reach back and rub me between my balls and ass. That really got me going. I mean, she was so into my balls. She loved them slapping her pussy, to the point where I was almost fucking her with them.
 
So why did you two break up? Was it because of the cheating?
Shit just happens, I guess.
 
What does the perfect woman look like?
I really like dark features. And a really big ass. So, a skinny waist that leads to a nice big ass. I'm not really a tit guy — those can be smaller. But the girl has got to have a nice curvy ass.
 
If you could erase one bad date from the past, what would it be?
Does it have to be a date date? Because I haven't been on one of those in a really long time.
 
No. Just an experience that sucked.
One night I met this girl at the bar and we started making out. She wanted me to come home with her. She lived out in Brooklyn. At the time, in the bar, it seemed like a good idea. But then we got out to Brooklyn and I realized I had no idea where I was, I changed my mind and made her drive me back to Manhattan, which was about forty-five minutes away. She was just bitching at me the whole time. Like, "I'm so nice," and "I can't believe I'm doing this for you." It was really annoying.
 
Why did you change your mind?
Because I didn't want to get stuck out there and wake up the next morning and have no way back home. I would definitely erase that experience.
 
Are you a "give head to get head" kind of guy?
No. I love going down on girls. I don't necessarily need to get head in return.
 
That's what girls want to hear.
Good.
 
Do you have any advice for the opposite sex?
I think girls should go down on guys more. In my experience a lot of girls think that just having sex is good enough for guys. And that's not true. Guys like a lot of foreplay too. At least I do. It makes the actual act of having sex better. I mean, I don't have a problem going down on a girl, so it would be cool if more girls felt that way with guys. Sometimes girls have a tendency to start off really freaky and become really safe. If you can't or don't want to do something, don't tell me that you're going to when you're whispering in my ear.

Interviews by Sarah T. Schwab.