Talking to Strangers: New York, NY

Nerve asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

Penelope, 23

What do you do for a living?
Bartend.

Does this job get you dates?
It has. Actually, one of my last boyfriends was one of my regulars. He was actually the first client to ever ask me out. But that didn't end up going too well. We moved in together in this little apartment about five months after we started dating. We had the apartment for a year, but ended up breaking up after six months. So we had to live together even though we weren't together for six months.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
It happened a lot for a few years. I really wanted a boyfriend and I just kept meeting these guys who kept breaking my heart. My parents had just gotten divorced so I think I was looking for a sense of security and support.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
I think I used to. I'm not sure if I do anymore. I believe in attraction at first sight, of course. But I think that love is
accepting someone for who they are, and being able to stay in it over time. You can't know that about someone without getting to know them.

Which of the seven deadly sins best defines you?
I think lust. And I don't necessarily mean that in a sexual way. I mean, I do have a very high sex drive. But on top of that I find a lot of things very sensual, and I believe in making things very sensual. So when I say that I'm "lustful," I try to make and see and feel things as beautiful as they can be.

What is the worst date you've been on?
I met this guy on the street when I was eighteen. He was twenty-three at the time. He took me to see the movie Silk with Keira Knightley, and it was one of the first showings, so there were tons of people in theatre. But he tried to grope me and have sex with me in the theater.

What did you do?
Well, because I was so young and stupid, I didn't know what to do. He went to the bathroom and I ended up calling my friend. She pretended to call me with boyfriend problems or something like that so that I had an excuse to leave. It's crazy because this guy called and texted me for, like, eight months after that. He didn't get the picture.

Would you consider yourself a "give head to get head" kind of girl?
I actually really don't like to give head so I don't accept head because of that. I don't think it's fair.

Is there a reason you don't like giving it?
I'm afraid that I'm going to do it badly. A lot of my boyfriends at the time have offered up the role of, like, a "practice buddy."

Generous of them.
I know, right? But it doesn't matter how many times I practice or whatever. I've done it lots of times and I've heard I'm really good at it. But it still makes me really nervous.

What's the longest amount of time you've had sex?
I'd say about twelve hours. It was last summer.

Wow. Did you take breaks?
Well, we went to the bathroom and ate. But yeah, it was pretty continuous. I think we were really drunk and just did Aderall or something.

Describe the perfect date.
It's really basic, but just having drinks sitting outside. I like it casual because I think I get really nervous at nice restaurants, especially if I don't know the person. I don't know what to say, and it just sort of ruins it for me. I also think that the timing of the drinks is really important. If it's a late-night drink then I think it's more about a hookup than getting to know someone. But if you get casual seven-p.m. drinks then it's open-ended. You could hook up, or you could just have drinks and talk. I guess the best dates that I've been on are epic — they last until four in the morning because we just don't want to go home; we have so much to say to one another.

 

Raj, 32

What do you do for a living?
Let's just say I'm a "computer guy." I work in the IT department of a major corporation whose products you probably use.

Does this job get you dates?
Perhaps surprisingly, yes. The last three women I dated were all women I worked with. Though I don't think that necessarily had anything to do with my job; that's just kind of how things worked out for me.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes, I have.

Do you want to provide any details?
Not really.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Kind of. I believe in fate, or destiny — that the universe has a plan for people. I think as part of that we're supposed to meet certain people. And when you come across one of the people you're supposed to meet, I think you feel an instant sense of connection. That won't always be love; it might just be that you're supposed to be friends with that person, or that you're supposed to learn from or teach something to one another. If you're meant to fall in love with someone though, I do think you'll probably feel that initial sense of connection in a particularly strong way, and that that may be what people interpret as "love at first sight."

What's the worst date you've ever been on?
You mean like a bad experience when you first start going out? I don't think I've ever really been on a bad date in that sense. All of the women I've been in relationships with have been women I started off as friends with. So by the time we started dating, we already knew we'd get along pretty well.

Would you say that you're a "give head to get head" sorta guy?
Well, I'm more of a "give head" sorta guy. I really, really enjoy giving head. It's like a necessity. I could do it all day long. As far as getting head goes, though, I could take it or leave it. I mean if the woman wants to do it, I'm happy to oblige. But it's not something I'm interested in enough to ask for. There's something really satisfying about making the woman happy. Besides, if she's happy, chances are she's going to want to make you really happy.

Describe your perfect date.
Well, she comes home from work. I have a drink waiting for her, which I give to her, and then I ask her how her day was. While she's telling me, I may stand behind her and rub her shoulders. Or I take her shoes off and massage her feet. I tell her how my day was. Then we make dinner together, and after that we watch a movie while cuddling on the couch. We make out. I go down on her. We move to the bedroom where we make love. Then we sleep wrapped up in each other's arms all night long. In the morning, I get up and make her breakfast. Maybe serve it to her in bed. That's it.

It's like you want to be the male version of a 1950s housewife.
I do look pretty good in an apron.

 

Kim, 26

What do you do for a living?
I'm a bank teller in Queens.

Does this job get you dates?
I don't really know. I just got out of a four-year relationship, so I haven't even really thought about dating. But it probably won't get me dates in the future. I work in a really Mexican neighborhood and don't speak a lot of Spanish, so that will probably be an issue. And everyone I work with is old or married.

Have you ever had sex at work?
Not this job. But I used to work at a country club upstate. We didn't have sex, but me and this other waiter snuck into the pool, drunk, really late at night, and did some heavy petting.

Caddyshack style?
Sort of. I wasn't too worried about getting caught because I was quitting in a week. So after we hooked up in the pool, we ended up pouring a bottle of vodka in the water. I think he peed too.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
No. I've always been the one who does the heart-breaking.

Why's that?
When I was younger and in college, I got bored with guys easily. Mostly because they were typical college guys who was always getting wasted.

Did you break your last boyfriend's heart?
He won't admit it, but I think so. I didn't get bored of him, like other guys, but he wasn't pulling his weight with things like rent, or chores around the apartment. We wanted different things in life also — I wanted to start saving money so we could get a better place outside the city and he wanted to relive his college years. I told him things needed to change. When they didn't, I broke up with him.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
I believe in lust in first sight. Being in love right away is bullshit. You need years and years for love. It's a culmination of experiences — good and bad. If you haven't experienced anything with a person then how are you going to love them? Love at first sight is you hoping what the future might look like with him or her.

Describe the perfect date?
Ninety-seven percent of the time, I want to run within the first few minutes of meeting someone — they're boring or have bad breath or manners or something. So good chemistry, a spark, is a must. As for where I like to go: I like dimly lit candles and lots of wood, maybe some velvet couches. Something homey looking. Vintry, for example, is a great wine and whiskey bar.

Been there on a lot of dates?
Not a lot of dates. But a lot in general. I had this guy meet me there last Sunday actually and he loved it. It has a really intimate, yet inviting vibe. Makes people want to open up, which is important.

Did you two open up to each other?
You can say that. He was so open that he admitted to having a girlfriend.

So why did he agree to go on a date with you?
Because I rock. No... I don't know. He's not happy and all that. He was looking to see what else was out there.

What's the worst date you've been on?
I could say that one. But he picked up the check, so, whatever. I've never really been on a bad one. I don't date too often.

What's the longest amount of time you've had sex?
My ex was a two-pump chump. And before him there weren't a lot of guys I slept with. So, twenty minutes maybe? I don't usually keep an eye on the clock. If I come, I'm happy.