Talking to Strangers: New York, NY

"She would flirt with other people, but I didn't want to see it because I loved her..."

By Lina Canney and Libby Rumelt

Joanna, 33

What's your name and what do you do?
My name is Joanna and I worked in commercial real estate.

Has that ever gotten you laid?
I do get laid, but not because of my job. Guys have asked me out because of my work, but I haven't slept with someone because of work. I could have, but I didn't.

What was the circumstance where you could have?
I usually don't show space, but the few times I have, I've been asked out. I was tempted, but I couldn't do it because it would have been bad for my career. Although, one time I was showing a place and the broker on the deal was someone I had almost had sex with a few years prior. So we looked at each other and I was like, "You look familiar," and he was like, "You look familiar." But I had a boyfriend, and it would have been cheating.

When's the last time you got laid?
I'm in a long-distance relationship, so I got laid last weekend.

How long have you guys been long-distance?
About two years. She lives in Missouri.

How did that come to be?
Well, I was with my boyfriend for seven-and-a-half years, and then we broke up, and now I'm with a woman who moves around a lot.

Was she in New York when it started?
Yeah, for a few months.

You must have really liked to her to continue for two years. Are you in love with her?
Yes.

Why did you start dating a woman?
I always dated men, but there was just something about her. Sex with a woman is very different — very passionate and emotional and hot. We have amazing chemistry.

So you've always dated men, but now you're dating a woman. How do you identify, sexually?
It was hard when the relationship first started because everyone was like, "Oh, are you a lesbian?" But I really think it's about the person. Obviously I'm bisexual because I'm having sex with a woman and I was open to that. I probably look at guys more on the street, but yes, I'm bisexual. It's the best sex I've had, but I don't know if that's because it's sex with a woman or because it's her.

You've never kissed another girl?
I've kissed girls, but I've never gone further. Girls are always kissing me! I'll be mid-sentence and they'll start kissing me. But this girl was different.

How did you meet?
We went to college together but we weren't friends, and then we started hanging out way later.

Do you ever miss having sex with a man?
No. I don't miss it. I think about it sometimes, but I don't miss it.

Was she a lesbian?
No, we were both each other's first.

That's adorable.
It's really about the person.

 

James, 32

What do you do?
I'm currently unemployed, but I used to work at a hotel. I quit my job to go hike for a few months and this is my first night back in NYC. I was a doorman in Tribeca.

Did that get you laid?
Yes, it did. Nothing fun or crazy, no guests asking me back to their room. There was a waitress who worked at the hotel's restaurant though, and another girl who worked at the hotel too.

Oh, so you like dipping your pen in the company ink?
Not really. I had a girlfriend for most of the time I was working there, and then we broke up and I went out with a couple of girls.

Why did you break up?
She broke up with me. It was kind of a fucked-up breakup. We'd been together on and off since 2005. We lived together for a year and a half. And then she cheated on me, and we broke up when I found out about it. It was obvious, but she kept lying as the whole thing progressed and it went on for a while.

Would you say you're a little bruised and battered?
It changed my life completely. I realized that I shouldn't have trusted her before. There were things about her that were obviously not trustworthy to begin with. Like, she wasn't very present with me when we went out. She would flirt with other people, but I didn't want to see it because I loved her and I wanted to be with her. She was sort of a loose-cannon kind of chick.

People say sleeping with crazy chicks is the best sex of your life. True or false?
The sex was amazing. But I've had sex with girlfriends who weren't as crazy and the sex was good then too. Just different.

How was it different?
I had a girlfriend for two years and we didn't cheat on each other. It was sex that developed over time and felt very bonding. I think that sex was just as good, if not better, than the crazy-chick sex.

So, you're a hiker. Have you ever had sex in the woods?
No, I haven't.

Why not?
I haven't met any girls out on the Appalachian trails.

You have to bring them there!
Would you go out into the Appalachians with some guy?

No, because I don't like the country. Is that a dealbreaker? Do you only like outdoorsy girls?
I'm not an outdoorsy person myself. I'm from New York, I've never done anything like that before. I did it mostly to get over the relationship. I needed a big project to take my mind off of things.

Did you go by yourself and listen to a lot of Bon Iver and cry?
No, I —

Dave Matthews Band?
No, it was my first —

Jack Johnson?
No!

How long were you gone?
Two months.

Did you masturbate?
I did masturbate.

 

Nigel, 28

What do you do?
I run an internet start-up company.

Has that ever gotten you laid?
No, but my side job has. I'm a DJ. Actually, to tell a really great story about getting laid, I'm going to retreat back to another time. DJing has gotten me laid, but it's not really that entertaining. But before that, I was an editor and one of my writers was a sex columnist.

Kind of like us!
Yup. And we went out for drinks and she came home with me and everything was all good, then we started hooking up and she screamed at the top of her lungs, "Fuck me, editor!" 

Did that turn you on?
Well, at first it scared me, because it made the situation take a whole other tone, but then after a little while, I was ready to roll. It made me feel okay!

Did you have a lot of expectations about how this girl, the sex columnist, would be in bed? Did she live up to them?
Actually, I went into it thinking that she was writing about it so much because she was overcompensating for something, but I was pleasantly surprised. She was pretty good and everything worked out.

What do you think about sleeping with co-workers? 
Um, I did it again, later on in my life, and it was a very bad experience, so I'll never do it again now. We were just not on the same page. I came into work acting like nothing happened, and that wasn't what she was thinking, and it led to a little bit of hysteria.

Was this after the first time you slept together?
No, it was probably after the third time.

How do you get laid as a DJ?
Unfortunately, it's pretty much an equation. Girl comes up to you, goes, "Hey, can I hear that song?" and you say yes, and then you start talking and it usually works out. It's kind of like, you just know what you're getting yourself into. But nothing that wild happens, because it's so predictable. 

Based on the song someone requests, can you judge how they'll be in bed?
I don't know about the song, but how a person dances is definitely important to me. If they're dancing a certain way, I can definitely tell how they'll be in bed. 

What's the song, that if the hottest girl in the world requested, you would absolutely refuse to sleep with her?
My dealbreaker song is definitely "Don't Stop Believin'." If you asked me for that, I'd probably be like, "Okay, sure," and never play it. It's so fucking boring. And also it's like, really, you haven't heard that song before?

What kind of music do you listen to when you fuck?
Sebastien Tellier or Steve Winwood. 

If I tell you I don't know either of those people, can we still have sex later?
Well, the Sebastien Tellier, I can understand. The Steve Winwood thing bothers me — I won't lie.