Fast Eddie, 37
You must meet lots of women, as a comedy promoter.
I do. This whole Midtown area is full of women. They're from Germany, Sweden, France. They want to laugh, they want to have a good time, and they want to meet guys. We make them laugh, and we show them a good time. All the guys at the comedy club have a great time, and I have a great time. I can even show you pictures on my cell phone. It's crazy. Every night. During the summer, it was absolutely crazy. I was giving free piggyback rides all the way from here to the club. Females only.
Which women are most responsive to your flirtation?
For some reason, I find that black women who are Baptists tend to really like me. That's the thing I noticed that they all just happen to have in common, when I'd see their Facebook profiles later on. I'd be like "Whoa... I slept with a lot of Baptist women last month." [laughs] And also French women. Maybe it's this Jerry Lewis thing I've got going on.
Did you go on dates with these women, or did you just hook up with them?
These were hookups, mostly. I'm not even interested in dates. It's like a candy store out here.
What other jobs have helped you meet women?
I used to be a dog walker. That was really good. But meeting women has never really been an issue for me. I'm friendly and I'm social, you know? I've always been the "funny guy," the natural-born extrovert.
Do you find any women intimidating? Do you ever lose your cool?
If a woman is very shy, and very quiet — in a street-corner kind of scenario, it really doesn't matter that much, but if I ask one out on a date and she's very nervous, that is uncomfortable and a little intimidating. It's like kryptonite or something. It's like, "It's not working." Every trick in the book just doesn't work. But I wouldn't say that those women, themselves, are intimidating. I feel for them, because I love women.
What's the boldest thing you've done for a woman's attention?
Here's a strange thing I said to a woman once — you know that line from The Terminator? "I was sent from the future to protect you." It was intended as a pickup line, but then I really just talked her into going into the comedy club.
Have any funny lines been used on you?
Oh! Here's a great line a woman used on me. I walked into this bar, and this girl just threw her arms around me and said, "I'm really sorry about what happened last time. I was really drunk that night." I said, "Oh, don't worry about it," or whatever. But she admitted the next morning that she just thought I was attractive, and had never even seen me before that night.
How do you normally handle a bad date?
I never wanted to hurt their feelings, so I would just try to be a bad date myself. I would pretend to be very cheap, very boring, or just have no social skills. I'd say "Do you like to go to museums?" She'd say yes, and then I'd say, "...because I've always wanted to go to the Con Edison Energy Conservation Museum, to see how the refrigerator lightbulb turns on and off! That sounds really cool!" Here's another example — I'd say, "Have you heard of Blue Man Group? Well, I heard that we can get in for free if we volunteer as ushers!" Women don't like men who don't want to spend any money. These are just harmless things I'd do to turn the woman off from me. I wouldn't do anything to insult her, or embarrass myself, except for something like that.
Have you ever been stood up?
Yeah, that tends to happen with younger women. They'll actually confirm the plan, but then something else will happen in between. That's why I usually prefer women over the age of twenty-three or twenty-four.
When was your last relationship?
Gosh... it was a long time ago. Personally, I've never really been interested in relationships. Maybe it has to do with the whole Irish-Catholic thing — I'm an atheist now, but that's how I was raised. Growing up in an environment like that, you're taught that when you make a deal, like with marriage, you make that deal for life. Even though I'm not religious now, sometimes I'll say in the back of my head, "I don't want to make that deal."
What would it take for a woman to change that?
You know, I do creative things, and I think that if I met a woman who was beautiful and also extraordinarily creative, and then we were able to work together and really create art and love each other, that could absolutely work. I'm always inspired by women. Like, if you were a guy, I wouldn't even be talking to you right now.
What's your relationship status?
I have a boyfriend. We met in college. We're part of the same organizations. We just kind of became friends, and then about six months later we started going out.
Did you click instantly, or did it take some time?
Um... I think it took some time. Initially, I thought he was gay, but he's European — he's from Greece — and they just have a different way of behaving and carrying themselves. Eventually, by spending the whole year together and working on all of our projects, I got to know him a lot better, and things just worked out.
Do you have a general type?
Well, I've only really had one other boyfriend, and he was pretty much the complete opposite of my current boyfriend. I think from that relationship, I knew exactly what I didn't want in a guy. He was very needy and very controlling, and we went to different colleges, and it was kind of unbearable the amount of attention that he needed. We'd spend hours on the phone and I was sacrificing my academics for it, and so the whole thing just didn't seem worth it anymore.
What have you found in your current boyfriend, and no one else?
He's very sweet and he always has my best interests at heart, and he always puts me first, and that's a really nice change. [laughs]
Did anything surprise you about him?
I think it was the chivalry. He would never let me pay for anything, and he would get upset if I wanted to pay for dinner. It was a little difficult to deal with because growing up here, everyone pays for themselves when going out to dinner, or at least it's not out of the question for a girl to pay for dinner, and so there was some adjusting I had to do.
Have you generally dated American guys, before him?
Yeah, they've all been American, but not white, Asian-American. And then one of my other boyfriends was Persian, but he was still born in America. I feel like Europeans are more, um... they have a way about them, and they've been introduced in society with more drinking and more smoking from an earlier age than Americans have. So, I think his maturity level was higher than the other guys' maturity levels.
What are some false impressions guys have had of you in the past?
I've been told I'm very reserved. I kind of observe more than I participate, if I don't really know the situation or if I don't know the people around me, and so I guess sometimes people find me anti-social. But I'm just, you know, assessing the situation that's going on. It really depends on who I'm with. I have two sisters, and with them, I'm pretty free, and I just say and do whatever I want. It's the same with a few of my college friends, too. And then, mostly with everyone else — and acquaintances — I'm more conservative.
Tell me about one of the worst dates you've ever been on.
I was about eighteen, going to see a Knicks vs. Nets game with an older woman, a banker around thirty-five, who I'd met through a friend. We cruised into the city in her Jaguar convertible, and we wound up having a few drinks before we got to Madison Square Garden. She got totally drunk and a little obnoxious. She took my phone and threw it out the sunroof of the car, and I was driving. So I just pulled over, jumped out, and hopped in a cab and left her there.
She got drunk and threw your phone out the sunroof? That doesn't sound like bankerly behavior.
[laughs] Yeah, you never know. That was a rough date.
What do you generally look for in a woman?
I don't like women who are ditzy. That turns me off. I like a woman who has a good head on her shoulders, knows what she wants, and gives it to me straight.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a construction worker here in the city. I've been in construction since I was eighteen. Before that, I worked for a guy who owned a construction business, in his boatyard, so he was prepping me to be a construction worker, I guess. I also teach martial arts, and I'm a MMA fighter. That's my dream, to be champion one day. So, that's the other half of my life.
Do you feel it's important to date a woman whose job is similar to yours?
Maybe being in the same financial bracket. I've never dated a rich woman, and I don't know if I'd be totally comfortable with it. I've always wondered if that would be an issue. The women I date usually have regular jobs — nothing too extravagant. Some have worked in veterinarians' and doctors' offices, and some of them do a little work in clubs on the weekend — promoting, and things like that.
What's one of your biggest regrets when it comes to past relationships?
I wasn't always the type who you could sit down and talk to and get through to. I guess I could have been... an ass? So now, I've learned as I get older, to be a little more understanding and more considerate of someone else's feelings.
Is there one common thread running through all of your past relationships?
All of my serious girlfriends wanted to get married. They brought it up really early on, too, and I always told them that I wasn't ready for that. I didn't think I was responsible enough in those relationships. And then the topic of children came up, and I just didn't think I was ready to handle that responsibility, worrying about taking care of a whole new person, or bringing a life into this world. I ran for the hills when I heard that, you know? Even my first girlfriend brought up having a baby, before we ever had sex. I was like, sixteen or seventeen. I said, "We're not having a baby." I couldn't even take care of my dog at that age. But now, at thirty one years old, I'm entertaining that idea. Definitely. Yeah. If I met the right girl, I wouldn't even put a number on how many children I would have. Boy, girl... five, ten... you know? [laughs] If she's down with it and we can afford it, why not? Now, for the first time in my life, I think I really want that. It would be nice.