Jessica, 36

Tell me about a time you were seriously played.
Well, there have been a few times. Once I dated somebody who was actually married, and I found out through somebody else in a rock-climbing class.

In a rock-climbing class?
Yeah. That was a little devastating, but I was younger and kind of didn't want to believe it. So although I discovered the truth, I also kind of let myself be played for a little while, because I didn't want to believe that somebody would do something like that. But nobody would ever be able to do that again. I always tell my girlfriends, the first question you have to ask when you go out on a date with somebody is "Are you married?" And the second question is "Are you married?" [laughs].

Another important question is "Are you in love with anyone?"
Right! A lot of times, somebody's in love their ex-girlfriend, or whatever.

How old were you when this happened?
Um... I was maybe twenty-seven or twenty-eight?

What happened in the rock-climbing class?
One of the other students just mentioned something about the teacher's wife, and I was like, "Wait... what?"

So the guy you were seeing was the teacher. How did that get started?
I think he wanted to go work out together, and I said, "Okay." I mean, obviously he was super-cute, and he didn't wear a wedding ring, so...

What happened? Did you confront him?
Yeah, I eventually did. He tried to lie about it still, to my face, but then finally I was like, "Well, if other people are saying this, then where are they getting it from?"

What do you look for in a man?
I think a guy who cooks is good, because it means he's a little more mature and organized, and I happen to be interested in food. Somebody who has that kind of stuff set up is living a different lifestyle than somebody who doesn't know how to boil water for himself.

Let's talk about first dates. How many have you been on, ballpark?
Maybe about eighteen? I'm more of a relationship person.

What was one of your most memorable first dates, for better or for worse?
A couple months ago, I went out with a guy who was in his forties, and he started to tell me that cupcakes were evil — that they were an evil drug. And that was a red flag for me, because anybody — I can understand if you don't want to eat one, and you might be watching your weight or you can't eat sugar — but anybody who's really going to have such a passionate hatred for a cupcake, which is like, one of the happiest things in the world... that was a red flag for me! There's some anger, or there's something a little bit wrong with that person who's going to tell me that in such a heated manner.

Was he being literal or figurative?
I think he was very angry at sugar, and maybe had some fat issues from being a fat child or something. He's in great shape now. God, there are so many weird men in this city! [laughs]

Are you single now?
Yes, since New Year's. My last relationship was for two years.

What happened?
Oh, he was... crazy. Like, seriously crazy. It's a sad situation, but there are people who have mental problems — anger issues, addiction problems. I just can't take care of anybody like that anymore. The point of a relationship is that you're both supposed to support each other. Women tend to want to mother people and make everything right, but if you really want to have a healthy adult relationship, that's not what it's all about. So, that sums up those two years! [laughs]