What do you do for a living?
I'm a porter in a restaurant.
Do you meet a lot of women there?
Tons of women. All over the place. Women love to eat. They love to eat, they love to drink.
Tell me about your last serious relationship.
I've only been in two solid relationships. My previous relationship was for about five years, and it was good the first three years, but then the last two years were all fucked up. There was a lot of conflict. The first three years, it was just a lot of drinking, partying, trying to make money, and a lot of fucking. That was about it. It was like we were trying to make a baby or something. But then the last two years, shit started getting real rocky. One thing was the way I carried myself. She saw it as me thinking I was almighty or some shit. I'm not almighty, I just think highly of myself, you know? I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way. I even tried to lift her up to make her feel that way. I also think she was jealous of all the female attention I was getting. But being the homeboy that I was, once things got rocky I started fucking her friends.
How many of them?
So, you were sleeping with her friends, but still trying to work out the kinks of your relationship.
Yeah, trying. Because I loved her. I loved her to death. Hell yeah.
What about your other relationship?
My other relationship, I don't know. It was for about a year and a half, but it was mostly about the sex. We did everything that you'd do in a relationship, like go out and have dinner, take trips, whatever. what would you call that? Friends with benefits? She probably had a title for me, but I didn't have a title for her. That's what I think.
Have you had sex in any crazy places?
I had sex in the Six Flags bathroom once. I also had sex in the Macy's dressing room, the one in Herald Square.
Those rooms are under surveillance, aren't they?
I know. They ain't coming in when I'm clapping her cheeks.
How long were you in there?
Oh, shit. It was probably like, three or four minutes? It was quick. I wasn't trying to be in there making love to her. I didn't want to get caught. [laughs]
What's your personal record?
If you're still in it, and you take a drink of water — we were still fucking, but I stopped to grab the water — does that count?
Yeah, that counts.
Probably for like, three hours.
You naturally went on for that long?
No, I was on drugs. I was on drugs, definitely. MDMA. I was fucked up. Having sex on E, I don't think there's even a specific word for that feeling. You know how people say it's "spectacular" or "euphoric?" It's beyond that. It's almost heavenly, like you're floating while you're having sex. Have you ever seen Anchorman with Will Ferrell, when he and Christina Applegate are fucking on a rainbow? That's how that shit feels to me.
What does it mean to be good or bad in bed?
The number one thing is that chemistry you have with a person. But then there are certain chicks — and certain dudes, I guess — they do too much, and they go over the top. They don't let everything flow. There are some chicks who will be riding you like they want to break your balls off, and it's like, "Yo, what the fuck's wrong with you? Calm down. Like, take two seconds and let me breathe." And there are some chicks who like to just be rammed-out, rabbit-fucked. There are just certain people who know their craft, you know what I mean? Certain people who just take it slow from the beginning, and they'll communicate it then, basically. It's that communication. Because people have a lot of different preferences when it comes to sex. Some people want to get tied up and dominated and some people want to dress up. There's mad kinky shit out there. I need a cigarette.
Is a woman's personality any indication?
Sometimes you can tell. Like, if she's rubbing your dick under the table.
What's unforgivable in a relationship?
You getting pregnant by another man. It's unforgivable. I don't want to speak to you ever again in your life. Honestly.
Has that happened to you?
Yes, it has. And she had the baby.
Did that change your attitude towards women?
Oh, yeah. It changed drastically. But I don't want to be skeptical no more. I don't really give a fuck about you until you show me something to make me feel that I'm secure and safe.
What does it take to make you feel that way?
I just feel you can see it. You can read a person's body language, and they'll let you know what they want to do, all bullshit aside. Just how she carries herself. Her whole activity, her daily thing. If you can be around a person for a whole day — I think it would take that genuine, "Yeah. I like you, motherfucker. I like you." Let me see your inner self. You want to show me that part, then I know that we can probably get serious. And if you show me your good side, I'll show you my even better side.
Are you ready for that?
Now I am. Yeah, now I'm ready for it. I'm taking all challenges. [laughs]
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