Give me your best first-date story.
One time, I met this guy at a party that my friend took me to, and we sort of hit it off and I wanted to hang out with him that night. It seemed like we were going to hook up that night. And then I got in a huge fight with the friend who brought me to the party, and I flipped out and was like, "Fuck you, I'm going home!" So I left, and I was in a cab going across the bridge back to Brooklyn, and I was like, "Fuck! Fuck! I should've just stayed and hung out with that guy!" But then he texted me and told me that he would pay for a cab back, if I got my cab driver to just turn around and go back to Manhattan right away.
Well, that's reassuring.
Yeah. So we hooked up that night, and we hooked up for a couple months, and then I stopped talking to him after that. I think he wanted more out of it than I did, and that's why I stopped seeing him.
How could you tell?
I mean, he introduced me to his mom, and he referred to me as his girlfriend a lot, to other people, when I didn't necessarily want to be called that.
What do you look for in a guy?
I've never dated someone seriously who didn't do something creative. Primarily, musicians are a big deal for me. I'm married to one now [laughs]. Being funny is also important. I like guys who are outspoken, too; I like people who say what they think. I would never take somebody seriously if they were really religious. I would never take someone seriously if they were part of any political or military thing. That would be a complete dealbreaker.
Tell me about your husband. He's in a band?
Yeah, we're in a band together. It's called Royal Baths.
How did you meet?
He was living in an artists' warehouse where a band that I was in at the time was shooting a music video, and he just sort of hung out and watched while we were doing the video. He started talking to me after and we stayed up all night talking to each other, and we were inseparable after that. We've been together for a year and a half, but we've only been married for a couple months.
Has being a musician influenced your approach to men?
It's probably made me realize that there's a lot of stuff you can say without words. I think that that's why art and music, especially, are so important to me in romantic relationships. I've had ex-boyfriends of mine explicitly not want me to go on tour, not want me to pursue that and be gone for long periods of time because of that. But I would never compromise the thing that I'm passionate about for somebody else.
What's the funniest pickup line you've ever heard?
I had one guy in Brooklyn try to follow me home, and he said... he asked me to get in his car, I said "No thanks," and I kept walking, and he said, "I just got Chinese food. I've got enough to share... and my dick's like ten inches!" [laughs]
What has a career in music done for your sex life?
Being in a relationship that involves both of us traveling a lot has definitely put us in a bunch of …pretty weird, crazy sex situations. I had just played a festival in Mexico last spring. We were in different bands at the time, and both of our bands were about to play SXSW, and we met up in New Orleans. A whole group of our friends were sort of wandering around New Orleans checking stuff out, and we took a bunch of acid. And then at maybe one o'clock in the morning, we snuck in to this graveyard where Marie Laveau, the supposed "Queen of Voodoo," is buried. She has this grave where you mark Xs on it and make a wish and leave rings and stuff. So we, tripping on acid, snuck into this voodoo graveyard and had sex there. I think that was one of the coolest. I guess I've just done a lot of weird, outdoor, "we might get caught, let's sneak off for a minute" things. On a beach in California — I was actually going to meet my husband's family before we got married, and he took me with his uncle and his cousin and his sister to this beach that he used to go to when he was growing up. He took me off under this little area of rocks, and we ended up having sex. And then, when we finished having sex, we turned around and realized that his uncle was on this cliff behind us and totally could've seen the entire thing, and I didn't realize he was there. So that was funny.
So you think he saw it?
I think he did. But he was really relaxed about it.