Chris, 26

What do you think is more important in a partner: looks, brains, or gaming ability?
I value intelligence over anything else. If a woman's not into gaming? Not overly important. Looks, least important.

Reaaaaally? What if a girl is super-duper-hot — we're talking supermodel hot — but not exactly a genius?
It wouldn't matter. Usually it's more of a turn-off if woman is what you might call "super-hot." I kind of know what my level is, and I'm drawn to women who are attractive to me, but who are not necessarily conventionally beautiful.

Other than intelligence, what qualities do you look for?
I'm a big science nerd, so being into science is a real plus. That, and having similar interests in general.

What's your relationship status?
I'm married — six years now. My wife and I were high-school sweethearts.

Is it a challenge having being with just one person for so long?
We're a bit different, because we're polyamorous. That's amazingly important. It may not be for everyone, but it works really well for us.

How long have you been poly?
About three years now.

What's the hardest part about being in an open relationship?
It's not what you may think. From a guy's perspective, it's harder because you might meet a woman you like and who likes you, but as soon as you say, "I'm married, but it's cool with my wife!" they still won't go out with you. Of course, I'm always completely upfront with anyone I meet and might be interested in — no secrets or deception. But being married makes it harder.

Does your wife have the same problem with potential male partners?
No, it's a lot easier for women. A woman meets a guy she's interested in and she's like, "Hey, wanna go out? My husband's okay with it!" and guys are like, "Sure!" There are exceptions, but as a general rule, guys don't have as much of a problem with what you might call "casual" or non-committed relationships.

Do you each have regular secondaries?
She does, but at the moment I don't.

How did she meet him?
They were also kind of high-school sweethearts.

What do you think are the keys to making an open marriage work?
Communication, honesty, and transparency. You have to constantly make sure that you're both on the same page. But for that matter, I'd say that's the key to any relationship.

Some people say that open relationships can't work because of the jealousy thing. Has jealousy ever been an issue for you?
I think you'd be kidding yourself to expect that you'll never, ever experience a moment of jealousy — even people in "closed" relationships get jealous, with or without good reason. But a lot of what we think of as "jealousy" is really just people's fear of being deceived, i.e., being cheated on, which isn't an issue in an open relationship. Also, if your relationship is strong and honest, then it mitigates the jealousy factor. Like I said, polyamory may not be right for everyone, but it's worked out really well for us.

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