Nerve asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.
Tell me you're single.
No, it's complicated.
Is that your Facebook status?
He's my ex, but I'm trying to break it off.
So what's your type?
I don't have a type. I guess I like vegetarians, but that's not mandatory. Riding a bike is cool. Guys that are into beer. Not guys who drink Miller and go to shitty bars. Not businessmen.
What's your best hookup story?
I met a guy in D.C. and we had sex on the Mall behind a bush.
Nice. Most embarrassing one?
Damn… I ate a banana out of a stripper's vagina during a sex show in Amsterdam.
Yes. And like four other girls had bit it before, so I had to put my face in her vag in font of about a hundred people. It was incredibly weird. But I want to push boundaries as often as I can. That's how you find your limit. I know, I can't believe it happened. But it's what you've got to do.
So you're an actor? Do you get with a lot of girls that way?
Well, it can be that way. You meet a lot of girls. And the odds are in your favor.
Are you getting with anyone?
Not right now. I just got out of a six-year relationship. It was awesome — she was great. A schoolteacher. But we had a conflict of interest, and we just went our separate ways. It's was an amicable split.
That must've hurt.
It still does. It doesn't go away. And it won't, not until I meet someone else.
So are you trying to meet other people?
I've dated girls for a few weeks, but then things don't work out. I mean, I'm measuring these girls against the best friend I've ever had, so it's a high standard.
What kind of girls are you going for?
I like girls that like me. I'll overlook a lot of shit if they like me. But I like girls that are like me because I'm conversational. I'm looking for someone who's outgoing, but I guess they don't want to be with someone like themselves. I guess I don't have a lot to offer them.
It sucks. I've been going between quiet girls and strong girls that don't like me. But I guess that has a lot to do with my perception. It's really easy to put the onus on someone who doesn't deserve it.
What do you do?
I teach special-ed in an elementary school.
You have a pretty laudable job.
I know, it's been my dream for the last twelve years. It's been a long time coming.
So are you seeing anybody?
Oh yeah, I'd dating someone right now. It's going very well. We live together. It's great because she supports me and I support her.
How did you guys meet?
I actually hired her at Whole Foods. She worked for me for about six months, and I made some passes. She got another job, and she asked me out.
Tell me about the girls you like.
Strong, independent girls. Girls who are strong-willed with goals.
Tell me your favorite thing to do with your girl.
Get her drunk, bring her home, put knee-high boots on her and have sex.
She sounds pretty awesome.
She's the one, man.
So are you going to propose?
Yeah. I'll probably bring her to the bar we first made out at and surprise her in front of her friends and family.
Think she'll say yes?
I hope so, or I'm going to look pretty stupid.
What do you do?
I'm an illustrator.
Are you in a relationship right now?
Kinda. We're going slow.
I've made too many quick mistakes. We're getting to know each other this time. I don't want to move too fast. You do too much too fast and you get heartbroken.
You've been heartbroken? What happened?
Yes, sadly. The first guy I slept with never talked to me again.
Too much, too fast.
So you've seen what kind of jerks guys can be. What about something nice?
Well, I was at summer camp once, and the food was so shitty. I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted cake. I told this guy I was seeing, and he paid one of the counselors to go into town and get me a cake.
What happened to him?
Summer ended, and thus the relationship.
All right. Most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you.
I got a cherry slushie thrown in my face while I was trying to kiss a guy.
Seriously? I thought that only happened on TV.
Apparently not. And the first thing I thought was, "Oh man, I hate cherry."
What do you do?
What have you been up to, then?
I just went on a cross-country bike trip.
Is that how you hurt your arm?
It was a freak accident. I had a pretty innocent fall, but when I tried to brace myself I got run over by a truck. The worst pain you can possibly imagine.
Are you seeing anyone?
Sort of, but then I left. She lives in State College, so things are tenuous at best. We re-met after college, and now we're dating long-distance.
Yes, sir. Things are in flux. I need to see what happens. I have to see what our future is.
And if that doesn't work out?
If things don't work out, it'll be something casual. It seems to find its way there.
What attracts you to a girl?
First, it's her total vibe. Then her eyes bring me in. Then it's ass, legs, breasts. But you gotta see the spark in her eyes.
So you're into more casual relationships?
Yeah. You gotta be honest with a girl. Every girls wants you to be honest about what you want. I'm not looking to fall in love right now.
But then is anyone ever looking for it?
Yeah, when you're forty and alone.
What do you do?
I'm like Penny from Almost Famous.
That is not a job.
Yes, it is.
What's your sex life like?
I am from Polk County, Florida, and there are no eligible fucks. They can't handle somebody not like them, a freak. The people there are garbage, seriously.
Right? So here's how it goes. Before I have relations with somebody, I tell them I don't want a one-night stand. We gotta keep fucking so that our bodies can get used to each other and we can keep having better sex. But they can't handle that. They just want to get their dick wet. But girls can get off by themselves, theoretically, so why would you just fuck to fuck? You know, I'm a party girl, not a whore. People know me as a party girl, and they want to get with me. I was also dating a girl for three years, so I'm totally bisexual. We actually had a threesome with this guy I ended up dating later. But when we were dating, he was not cool with getting with another girl. What guy doesn't want that?
Do you have a great hookup story?
I was dating this guy for six years, and we were totally on the same level. We fucked every night until I left town, and he knew I'm a freak naturally, so it was great. He said, "There's no point to fucking anyone else because we're so good." We had explosive sex. But he also said, "Fucking you made me realize I'm in love with my ex."
What does sex mean to you?
The act of sex doesn't mean much by itself. Good sex requires a certain amount of passion. If I have sex without being exclusive, it's like giving out candy. You gotta be with someone a while to make it matter.
You have a cupcake tattoo on your ass.
Yeah, I didn't eat meat for three years and got a cupcake on my ass for each year that I didn't eat meat. I ask people to pick the best one, and I can totally filter people out like that.
I like the one with the skull.
Wrong one! It's the pink one.