"I had the closest girlfriends and we would do everything together…"
Do you have any good ways of meeting guys in DC?
There isn't a big straight clientele at the salon where I work, but working there means there's a chance to strike up conversation with those straight guys who do come in. And a lot of the stylists have set me up with their clients.
What are you looking for?
I'm pretty open. I do have a list of things I hate, like beards. They creep me out. I just want someone who's really funny. Like that guy over there — I either want him to be my big brother, or turn straight and become my husband. I love that. All those tattoos.
Is it frustrating to be around so many good-looking men who aren't straight?
I could be disappointed that they don't like my junk, but I really enjoy talking to them.
Were you wild in college?
Yes. Really. And there are some things I miss about it — like how I was always ready to do anything. Sometimes it was risky, but sometimes it was great. I would let my guard down and make great friends. I went to a small college for women, and the girls were all really smart yet at the same time loved getting wasted and partying.
Was there a lot of girl-on-girl?
Yes, I had my first girlfriend. A best friend who transformed into a lover, but then she got crazy. She's really, really crazy, but in a very charming way. We're both bipolar and were diagnosed around the same time. But she decided to go off her medication. She's very creative and fun, though.
Any favorite sexual memories from college?
My best friend and I liked to tag team. It almost always ended with us being really drunk and in the morning thinking, "Ugh, I can't believe I did that." But it's fun, because I was with my friend and we could make fun of the guy. It only happened a few times but it was really fun. I had the closest girlfriends and we would do everything together, and that would cross over into sexual experiences.
Should men be intimated by sexually experienced women?
No. Well… there's so little skill out there! And my last boyfriend was like, "Why don't you orgasm every time?" And I was like, "You're making this about me when a lot of this is about you. I don't mean to sound mean, but you need to brush up."
Are you lucky in love?
I guess I'm a charming guy. That's what most ladies are attracted to, if I'm not mistaken.
How did you get that charm?
From my good-looking father. It's sort of a tradition.
Are you seeing anyone right now?
Yes, I've been with someone for about a year and a half. We met at a gym. She was doing yoga and I introduced myself. I really wasn't trying to hit on her, I was just interested in trying classes. But there were sparks and it continued from there.
Have you had sex anywhere unusual in DC?
Yeah, at the Wall.
The Vietnam Memorial?!
Yeah, sorry. It was one of those nights. We got caught in the heat of the moment. It was empty with just a few tourists. You could see them from a distance, but it was pitch black out there. So fellas, just a word of advice: be romantic. Be spontaneous.
Any other fond sexual memories?
On the metro. At two a.m. on a Saturday night. It was her idea, not mine. I'm wild, but not that wild. Hey, I'm just a man going with the flow.
Any women you've been with who were crazy in a bad way?
I think we men make mistakes that drive women to act badly. We have to deal with the consequences of that. I do have a problem: I'm a bit of a flirt. And I do it in front of my girlfriend because I don't want to portray myself as something that I'm not.
Anything women do to make themselves attractive that actually makes them less attractive?
I don't think women need make-up. Maybe a little eyeliner, a bit of lipstick. It brings out the natural beauty. But you don't want to see someone the morning afterwards and think, "Ooh, who is that?"
How's the dating scene in DC?
The dating scene in DC sucks! It's the worst dating scene ever. I think what makes it terrible is the fact that there aren't many men in this city. Half of those men are gay and the other half are politicos who spend way too much time working. So it's a really morbid experience.
Who's your ideal partner?
Someone who can build a house and skin a deer. I want someone who works with his hands and has a lot of common sense. Men in DC lack common sense.
Have you considered dating girls?
I dated a girl for two and half years. No repeats since then. I spend a lot of time around lesbians in general, because I play rollerderby and my mom's gay. I love them and they make great friends, but I gotta tell you, women are crazy. There's no way in hell I'd date a woman again.
What about guys outside of DC?
Six years ago, I was living in Spain, and Spanish men are so much worse! Maybe I'm really picky but they're extremely sadistic and they're all mama's boys. They're supposed to be romantic and, generally speaking, European men have a better outlook when it comes to dating. But actually being in a relationship with one is a nightmare.
Any words of advice for DC men looking to date an unconventional DC girl?
Ask her out. Don't think she's going to come to you just because you have a lot of options. Be adventurous. Don't be predictable and just do brunch. Take her to a museum. Take her to a rollerderby bout!
How long have you been in DC?
Two years. I'm in the military. I was stationed in California before that.
Is it hard to meet women while in the military? Or easier because you have the uniform?
I'm not usually in uniform when I'm out and about. So I have to use my own swagger.
Do you think military men make good boyfriends?
Well, the military is so diverse. I'm a laid-back guy, but the next one you meet might be crazy. If women are looking for stability and are willing to travel, it's a steady paycheck.
What's your philosophy on dating?
I put my whole heart in everything. So if I'm going to date, I'm going to do everything in my power to make the relationship work. Being in the military makes it hard to maintain that. I deploy a lot. Not necessarily to the sandbox, but I do deploy a lot, and it's hard to give her what she needs when I'm doing my thing.
What was your best experience with a girl?
I was deployed to Singapore. My friends and I had just gotten off the boat, and we went to a bar where some girl caught my eye. I started talking to her — I'm pretty proactive about that — and when you're on vacation, you sort of cut loose. I don't want to say I pulled her, but it was pretty easy to hook up. We went back to the hotel and had a pretty good night. But when I woke up, she was gone.
Any terrible experiences?
I was in Guam, and I was pretty drunk. My friends decided to play a prank on me and they hired a cross-dresser, a really, really good-looking cross-dresser. I started talking to her and I was drunk, but I wasn't that drunk. So I kept noticing her height and the deeper voice and the Adam's apple. It didn't really go anywhere, but if it had, that would have been a bad night.
Would bad style get in the way of your attraction to somebody?
Definitely. I have dated people who were a little preppier, and I've tried to tweak their style. I can't force you to get a tattoo, but I can try to get you to burn your polo shirts.
What type of guy are you attracted to?
The rock-'n-roll tattooed bad boy. They're limited in DC. At the same time, I'm also getting a little sick of that. They're not as bad as they think they are. And sometimes they're bad in terms of the way they treat women.
Any crazy ex-boyfriends in your past?
Oh yes. One who was very verbally abusive when he was drunk, and he was a raging alcoholic. Endless phone calls, threats to put up a video that we made on the internet. I had to put a block on my phone and my email.
Was the video sexy?
It was just a blowjob video.
But were you doing a good job?
Of course! I always do a good job.
Any tips you'd like to share with women who need help in that department?
I feel like it's an innate skill and you've either got it or you don't. I guess I can only say that practice makes perfect.
Any sexual pet peeves?
Excessive talking. Dirty talk's okay, but with the last guy I dated, there was a lot of "Oh baby, oh baby." When they're trying to be romantic like, "It's all for you!" then it's… no. Another guy I was with a few years ago kept saying I was a good girl. That was pretty creepy.
Do you have advice for the men in DC?
Lighten up! But unfortunately, they have the market cornered. There are so few straight, good-looking men in this city.
Maybe you should be addressing men outside of DC.
Please, other men, come from Philly, come from Brooklyn. Get down here. There are a lot of women who are desperate for somebody who is not conservative and doesn't work in finance and isn't just another button-down-shirt type of guy.
Mr. Mink, 28
Are you single?
I'm in an open relationship.
How did you two meet?
She was a receptionist in the tattoo shop I was working in. But that shop closed and now she works at a strip club.
How did you arrive at an open relationship?
That was the deal right away. I've slept with some of her friends, she's slept with some of my friends. We've slept with some of our friends together.
And how do you make it work?
Both people have to understand exactly what it entails. Someone may enter into an open relationship with another person just because they want to be with that other person, but then they get jealous and it doesn't work. It's important to sit down and talk.
Do you have a favorite memory together?
We went to a burn together in Delaware and it was the first time she'd ever done anything like that. It's like Burning Man. It's a gifting community. It's not for profit. Everything's for trade, for free love. Basically it's hippies who like electronic music.
Does she ever dance for you or is she too tired after work?
No, she doesn't dance for me. I don't like strip clubs. I think the girls are brilliant for doing it because sure, take those guys' money, they're idiots. I think it's a smart job even though there's a lot of stigma attached to it. But it's not really a turn-on for me.
Have you had any disastrous sexual experiences?
There's been the occasional time when I don't perform. It happens! Like girls say, "It happens to all guys." But it does, unfortunately. I hope so at least, because it's happened to me.
That's not really disastrous.
It is in my mind!