Erikson, 28

How long have you been in DC?
Four years. I'm originally from Manila, grew up in Texas, went to school in the Northeast, and now I'm here.

And what do you do here?
I do education research.

So, in your time here, what has your experience with dating been like?
It was difficult at the beginning. I'm not necessarily an extrovert, I'm friendly, but I'm not a networking type or aggressive. But I randomly moved in with a friend of a friend, and he was extremely aggressive, so he would help me out.

Be your wingman. That's important.
Very important. Except my first night moving into my apartment. I had moved in all my stuff and was taking a nap. I woke up to grunting noises coming through the vents. And I was like, "What have I gotten myself into?" So, I waited until it was finished, but that was an interesting welcome. But those first couple years were not so successful in meeting people at clubs or parties or anything. It was mostly on the internet.

And how do you meet people now?
Well, I actually have been dating someone for almost two years. Our two-year anniversary is next week!

Congrats! How did you meet?
We met through common friends. It was very DC — they were throwing a fundraiser for the Maine gay-marriage referendum and since he's involved in gay rights, he was a speaker there. So, we first met there, and then he started coming to our "Glee nights" when Glee first came out. How gay is that? And we became friends and then eventually started dating after a little bit of a courtship.

How did you go from being friends to being in a relationship? Was it a smooth ride?
Um, no, not really. He had a boyfriend at the time. So, there was no funny business for a while. But there was always chemistry and attraction, so we waited until that ended and then started dating.

It's nice though, because you get to know the person without the romantic aspect or any messy sexual components and move forward from there, and later add all that in. I wish I could be like that. I'm almost never attracted to my friends.
Well, I have a question for you. What is the early heterosexual courtship like? Do you have the "meet, hook up, get awkward, then figure out where to go from there" scenario?

I guess it depends how you meet the person. I went on a date about a week ago that I didn't know was a date, but it turned into spending the whole day together and eventually kissing. I didn't go into it thinking it was a date, so it felt more comfortable. But I've met people who ask you out for a particular, pre-set date and there's more pressure. I feel like the dating world is often based around the lead-up to sex.
I agree. I find that, after the first date with someone, you can tell that they see you as a serious prospect if you don't have sex.

What attracted you to your significant other? What are you looking for in a partner?
To start off, he's active in public life, pursuing a career, and passionate about gay rights and other causes. That's very attractive to me. I can tell that when he speaks he really believes what he's saying. Ambitious, not in terms of personal fame but for a larger social purpose.

Do you have any dating dealbreakers? Anything you just could not put up with?
I'll give you two characteristics, one superficial and one less so. Superficial: I can't do smelly.

I don't think that's superficial. Hygiene is important.
Exactly. And I also can't do casually mean. When you can't tell whether someone is joking or being hurtful. And you also have to be nice to my friends.

When you were dating, how did you find the DC gay scene?
Well, being a person of color, being Asian, I found that people saw me more as friend material. People didn't seem to see me as attractive, except the guys who have that fetish. Which was strange. But I think it's improved overall since I've been here. I don't know whether people's definitions of gay men are changing — from the tall, built white guy as the archetype, to something more diverse — but I don't think I've changed, so there seems to be a shift towards being more open.

Do you find that DC is a gay-friendly city?
Oh yes. What's really interesting is that sometimes days go by where I primarily interact with gay people. I don't know which other city has the same volume, size, and concentration. And it seems like I'm seeing more of a community take root. People who move here who haven't been welcomed in their past environments find that they're absolutely welcome here.