The 30 All-Time Best Stand-Up Bits About Sex

There are many words in here you can't say on television.

by Daniel Addice, Kate Hakala, and Alex Heigl

Stand-up comedy mines plenty of territory in its search for laughs: death, taxes, the deal with airline food. But there are few topics quite so rich for the lampooning as sex, love, and of course, the many differences between men and women. Here now, are the best stand-up comedy routines about sex, love, and dating. Do not listen out loud in your office. 


30. Kevin Hart

Strikingly original material isn't a prerequisite for great comedy; sometimes a great comic can make even the most well-trodden ground seem freshly hilarious. To wit: Kevin Hart on how long-term relationships can make the smallest of things (a request for a sip of juice, for instance) into all-out war ("Walk your fat ass inside, you sippin'-juice bastard").


29. Michael Ian Black on the first girl he ever fingered

Here's an inspired concept: letters to the first girl you ever fingered. The drily funny (and secretly vulnerable) Michael Ian Black milks the conceit for all it's worth, hilariously evoking his eagerness to get a response and his multiple problems with miscommunication.


28. Patrice O'Neal: "Boo bear, can I pee on you?"

The late Patrice O'Neal never really broke through to the level of fame he deserved. He could shift from absurdity (thirty seconds of mumbling into the mic) to well-sculpted bits on a dime. Here he is on the challenge of introducing watersports into a relationship.


27. Norm Macdonald on sexual prowess

Norm Macdonald is truly subversive. His meta-bomb of a performance at the Comedy Central Bob Saget roast was a thing of uncomfortable beauty, and so it makes perfect sense that he'd come at sex in a similarly odd way. It's not like darts, you see.


26. Andy Kaufman (as Tony Clifton) on picking up girls

Andy Kaufman didn't seem to perform stand-up so much as give birth to fully-formed, terrifying characters. Seeing him transform so fully into louche lounge singer and lady's man Tony Clifton is kind of disturbing given what we've found out about Kaufman's life since, but by itself, it remains a work of comic genius.


25. Steve Martin on sex, generally

Steve Martin didn't pioneer the art of seeming at once completely confident and totally clueless, but he certainly did it very well. Clad in a three-piece white suit, he talks about where the ladies can find him after the show ("To be honest, I'll probably be hanging out in the parking lot") and the importance of an emotional connection to lovemaking ("I'm not into that one-night thing. I think you should get to know someone and even be in love with them before you use and degrade them").

Next: Rob Delaney, Dave Chappelle, and many more...


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