18. Marc Maron on married life

A woman's true role in a relationship is to bring a man down. Err, we mean, to give him perspective. Just ask Marc Maron. He imagines a would-be terrorist checking in with his wife before work: "We are going to go and fly the plane into the building." "You're not going anywhere. We have people coming over," his wife protests. It's bleak and it's irreverent, qualities that make Maron one of the best comic voices out there.

17. Lily Tomlin on vibrators

Here's the endearing spit-fire on the perks of being a housewife when the vibrator salesman comes to your door: "This is no threat to the family unit. Think of it as a kind of Hamburger Helper for the boudoir." Comparing the vibrator to the waning gratifications of romance, she poses a good question: can we afford not to have one?

16. Patton Oswalt, on why being in love ruins comics, sex, and violence

Patton Oswalt's work hits on deeper themes in life, without overreaching. Here, he veers from one of the broadest questions there is — does being happy make for bad comedy? — to the subject of his girlfriend's double standards about sex and violence, without making it seem like he planned a thing.

15. Amy Schumer on porn endings

Amy Schumer is rapidly making a name for herself as one of the most fearless women working in comedy today. Unlike Sarah Silverman, she doesn't sugarcoat her observations in a funny voice, or with musical numbers. Frankly, there aren't many other comics with the tenacity or skill to work Helen Keller and Nicholas Sparks into the same joke about money shots.

14. Eddie Izzard on animal procreation

Eddie Izzard talks about animal sex with hips swinging and tongue blazing: "Human beings, well, doggy fashion, cat fashion, giraffe fashion, sheep fashion — whatever the hell you want, basically. Hang upside down like a bat. Play the banjo. Do it on a golf course." With one caveat, of course. "As long as you got guilt in there somewhere, we really don't mind."

13. Chris Rock on offering dick

Prowling the stage in that ridiculous suit, Chris Rock finds yet another curve in the timeless "differences between men and women" vein of comedy. It's his feral, restless delivery that really makes this bit work: the way he lunges into the back half of his punchlines should be a tutorial for aspiring comics everywhere.

Next: Margaret Cho on gay men having sex with women, Bill Hicks on blowjobs, and Joan Rivers' advice for her daughter...