Love & Sex

The Cure for a Semen Allergy Is Having a Lot of Sex

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Just don't swallow.

For anyone who believes that, "Sorry, I'm allergic to semen," is the most pitiful, yet creative, excuse for not going down on someone, you will now have to revoke your judgmental gazes because women (and men!) can indeed be allergic to spunk. Semen, that delightful .7 calorie protein shot of orgasmic goodness, is a rash-making, swelling, itchy, anaphylactic shock-inducing menace for everyone who suffers from Hypersensitivity to Human Semen (HHS). The number of people who suffer from the burning splooge syndrome is relatively unknown in the medical community, but some estimates peg it at up to 12 percent of women. Of course, semen allergy symptoms don't actually set in until about an hour after bone time, so often women understandably but mistakenly think the itchy, terrible redness around their junk is a condom allergy, a bacterial infection, or an STI. 

So, why is baby batter so toxic for a select unfortunate, definitely-not-going-to-swallow population? The glycoproteins in the prostate gland, and the not the sperm themselves, are the real culprits. In one of the wildest studies you will ever hear of, women suffering from HHS were pricked once with washed sperm and once with seminal fluid. It wasn't the sperm, but the ejaculate that was giving them the rashes. 

Because the thought of a sexless, semen-free existence makes our insides crumble and our loins shrivel, luckily there are a few treatments for HHS besides condoms, prayer, and never enjoying the finer peen in life. For some, immunotherapy, or injecting a tiny dose of cum under your skin on a regular basis in order to desensitize your body to the allergen has been pretty effective. (Hey, it works for people allergic to cats who want to stick cat inside themselves.) But after pumping some man milk into your arm, doctors say if you’re really invested in this cum therapy, you have sex at least every 48 hours in order to frequently expose the body to the allergen it’s trying to tolerate. And immunotherapy might provide some long-suffering women and men with the best pick-up line in the world. “Excuse me, I need to your dick inside me every 48 hours. Doctor's orders.”

Image via Veer.