The first paragraph of this reminds me of the "V" speech from V for Vendetta. But, you know, for pervs.

He does have a point. Wrestling is fun and erotic.

I don't know if this qualifies as a fetish or if he's just lazy and cheap.

It has been a hot morning. 

Props for using the phrase "delta of your vagina," but minus all the props there could ever be in the world for your creepy fantasy.