This Vibrator Will Desensitize Your Penis If You're Worried About Premature Ejaculation

It's basically a device that gives you blue balls.


BY KATE HAKALA

The world is no stranger to the market of dick numbing sprays, creams, and condoms packed with fun ingredients like lidocaine and benzocaine. While many brands purportedly make premature shooters last an extra 30 minutes longer than usual, they also do exactly what they're advertised to do: numb the crap out of your junk. And while, sure, making your partner more satisfied with an extended game time is certainly an appreciable benefit to using these products, you're also not feeling half the pleasure and sensations you normally get from sex. There's something to be improved upon here.

Enter Prolong. It's the first medically-approved climax control program in the world. Since it's being released in England, the 7 million men that suffer from premature ejaculation in the UK will be the first to benefit from the newfangled system. The Prolong Climax Control Progamme includes a £ 200 vibrator (a hefty $327.78) that's a crucial step in the six-week rod-numbing program.

Here's how it works: The odd Pringle-shaped penis vibrator is placed just under the head of the penis to stimulate the man almost to the point of climax, at which point the wielder of the buzz cuts off the sensation. Then the reluctant torturer, who somehow agreed to help you train your penis, repeats this tempered back-and-forth for three times a day at three times a week for six weeks. Let me remind you that this sadistic blue-balls inducer is also hundreds of dollars. But don't worry, it comes with special lube to prevent the soreness that you've already been anticipating since the third sentence of this article.

The program was cooked up as an alternative to psychosexual therapy which can be expensive and, ironically, takes a lot of time to get through. Prolong is touting that it is a permanent solution for ED and one that works almost instantly. Medical trails back up these claims. 61 percent of men in the London trial reported lasting 11 times longer while 72 percent of men in the Finland trial found that it improved their early release tendencies. 

Sure, the medical evidence is pretty astonishing, but I'm not sure I believe this vibrating Millenium Falcon can do more to train your penis to hold on a little longer anymore than a well positioned cock ring or a girlfriend's bedside bullet. If the start-stop method is the real remedy here, (and it's one that's been used for centuries to train male ejaculation) there are a lot of other cheaper options out there. A perfectly timed blow job comes to mind, and that is free!

Watch below for the Prolong ad, which is really just a two minute shot of a man fastidiously masturbating a silicone dildo with a vibrator. Cheers.

 

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