A classy lady comes with a pre-pasted toothbrush.
A lot of people, both men and women, know the feeling of stumbling out into the sun in yesterday's clothes, waves of nausea running through you as you make your way home on public transportation focusing on how badly you would like one egg sandwich toasted on a buttery croissant. When a friendly stranger interrupts this meditation to ask you whether this is a local or express train, you do everything to hide that fact that you are currently rocking the stale breath of a dying walrus. It's at these times that a walk of shame kit would be pretty nice, theoretically.
Now there is one. The aptly-named Walk of Shame Kit, available for $34.99, claims that with its use, "there is no longer a need to be embarrassed by doing the 'walk of shame,' all of your problems are solved." The contents of such a kit include a one-size-fits-all dress, flip flops, a drawstring backpack, sunglasses, hypoallergenic wipes, note cards to leave at your trick's to inform them to call you or never bother you again, and, oddly, a pre-pasted toothbrush. While I categorically reject the fact that women are the only ones who go on these walks and believe that there is nothing actually shameful about getting some strange, I do think that in a perfect world we would all live by the Boy Scout motto: be prepared.
There are just a few questions I have about this particular Walk of Shame Kit. Like if the kit contains flip-flops, how do you deal with the aftermath of blizzard hook-ups? What flavor toothpaste does the pre-pasted toothbrush come in? How much weight does the fabric backpack hold and will it double as my gym bag? But mostly, how is throwing a new outfit and some travel-sized Neutrogena in your purse less discreet than carrying around a kit roughly the size of a Dole pineapple juice can?
While this product seems majorly flawed (where is the barf bag and carton of orange juice?), the kit also comes with a breast cancer awareness bracelet, because the company gives a portion of the proceeds to a breast cancer foundation. That's definitely nice. And the breast cancer awareness bracelet might also serve the dual purpose of making you look like a globally conscious, selfless human being and not a weirdo who grabbed giant sunglasses out of a Quaker Oats container.
Images via Walk of Shame Kit.