Love & Sex

This Week in Sex: Nov 12

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Drive-thru sex shops, potato-shaped butts, and our choice of title for the forthcoming Kanye West and Taylor Swift porn parody.

Kanye and Taylor make a porno

Vivid has announced plans to make a porn based on Taylor Swift and Kanye West's tense moment at the VMAs. Now, "Why?" is not the relevant question (it's a recession, folks, you gotta do what it takes), but "What?". Specifically, what will they call it? My vote is for Kanye West: Enormous Dick.

This Week in Sex

Man wants to perform oral sex on each and every woman in New York

About a year ago, John Westwood started seeking women on whom he could perform oral sex — by slipping his "calling cards" into women's magazines around town. In the year since, he's gotten 116 responses, but none have led to sex. I'm disappointed in you ladies. He just wants to love you. Or specifically, to "satisfy your carnal lust by giving you powerful orgasms." How could you say no?

This Week in Sex

Alabama opens drive-through sex shop

If you're like me, you find sex-toy shopping to be a real chore. The stores are always so chilly, I get tired of walking around, and the return policies are so damn strict. A new shop in Alabama will solve those problems by allowing you to shop for sex toys from inside your car. The shop does not cater to the timid, since you will have to feel comfortable making requests like "the black one, right below the anal beads" or "no, no, the one that looks more like Monica Lewinsky."

This Week in Sex

Playboy announces The Year of the Rabbit

And it has nothing to do with Chinese astrology. An auction at Christie's next month will sell a massive collection of art from the Playboy archives. Fans of the pin-up aesthetic and classic Americana will find the pieces very exciting. Fans of boobs, less so.

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Seth Rogen proposed to Lauren Miller while she was topless

Apparently, when Seth Rogen decided he wanted to marry Lauren Miller, he was so excited, he burst into their room to propose — to a bare-breasted Miller in the process of getting dressed. But I'd wager that it's less the sweet, human angle that's got people interested in this story, and more the excuse to think about Lauren Miller's boobs.

This Week in Sex

Some things do get better with age 

Everyone who fears aging can take a little bit of solace in this woman's story. Carol Bone, age sixty-two, got out of a twenty-one-year marriage two years ago, and has since enjoyed sex with around 200 men. Which I think is awesome, mostly because I'm all about sexual empowerment, but also a little bit because her last name is "Bone."

This Week in Sex

STD testing technology will have us peeing on our phones

Researchers have invested about four million pounds in new technology that will allow for remote STD testing. Young people — who have the highest infection rates, but also may be embarrassed to see a doctor — would be able to pee on a computer chip and plug it into a phone or computer and get diagnosed. I only wonder if there will be a "Share" function.

This Week in Sex

Parents Television Council: We're all a bunch of dirty potty-mouths.

The Parents Television Council is reporting that TV profanity is up sixty-nine (hee hee) percent in the last five years. But before you wash your TV's mouth out with soap, keep in mind that they've also grown the list to include words like "crap," "boobs," and "other breast words" (like "sweater-monkeys," I suppose). Somewhere, George Carlin's ghost was heard to say, "Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits."

This Week in Sex

British dressmaker divides women's butts into four fruit-shapes

Apparently, all women's asses fall into one of four categories, each with a convenient fruit (or tuber) equivalent. There's the tomato, the pear, the nectarine, and the non-enviable potato. At least, so claims self-professed "Bottom Expert" Dr. David Holmes — a man whose job title sounds at once rather droll and very creepy.

This Week in Sex

Teenage girls take more risks than teenage boys sexually

Another week, another "shocking" factoid about teen sexuality. This time, it's that teenage girls are less likely to use protection than teenage boys. The Chicken-Little Association for Teenage Sexuality and Hand-Wringing is also reporting that kids who text more than 120 times a day are more likely to have sex than those who don't. Which is totally absurd. Who has time to text that much?