Love & Sex

This Week in Sex: Nov 19

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Naked sleepwalkers, models on a rampage, and why Steve Jobs thinks you should shower with your clothes on.

Esquire's Minka Kelly shoot is too sexy for the iPad

The App Store for iPad rejected Esquire’s last edition, on the account of its sexy, but nudity-free, Minka Kelly photo shoot. Which leads me to the following conclusion: if Steve Jobs were king, he would do two things: make everyone buy an iPod, and then outlaw all forms of nakedness. Sex, visiting the doctor, taking a shower, all would be conducted wearing black wetsuits. With turtlenecks, of course.

 

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Diesel models defile hallowed institutions with their sexiness

Earlier this week, Diesel models shot an ad campaign in Brooklyn Law School’s library — a shoot so sexy that the school administrators flipped out. Then, those crazy kids did it again, besmirching a New York City museum with their underwear-clad prettiness. Will the moral police be able to stop them before they sex-up a synagogue?

 

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Penis tattoo prankster is convicted

The Australian guy who tattooed a fifteen-inch penis on his friend’s back was convicted this week of Grievous Bodily Harm, a more serious charge than had been anticipated. It turns out that tattooing giant penises on the unsuspecting is one of those times when, “I didn’t mean to” just doesn’t cut it. Like vehicular homicide.

 

 

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"Naked Sleepwalker" wins record-breaking lawsuit

An Irish man, on a company trip, popped up at a female secretary’s hotel room in the middle of the night, completely naked. And he got fired. Which is not the weird part. The weird part is that he claimed he had been “drinking and taking painkillers” and sleepwalked (sleep-molested?) the woman. So he sued the company for ten-million Euro. And won. Who knew “I was drunk and on pills” could be such a viable excuse? Someone should have told the penis-tattoo guy.

 

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BoobsOnlyLesbians.com attempts to create a new sexual orientation

New website: BoobsOnlyLesbians.com, catering to a newly invented (by straight men?) breed of boob-loving ladies. Their tagline? “You can touch yourself down there, but I don’t want to.” Which is dumb. I mean, boobs are great, but you can’t call yourself a lesbian if you don’t like vagina.

 

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Natalie Portman calls her sex scene with Mila Kunis in Black Swan "extreme"

After years of shunning sexy roles and naked scenes, Natalie Portman has finally decided to let her hair down. In a new interview about the upcoming Black Swan she talks about her sex-scene with Mila Kunis as “extreme” (though I bet you a dollar it will be “Boobs-Only”). In other breaking news, you can see her butt in the red-band trailer for Your Highness.

 

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Placebo works as well as Cialis to improve sexual satisfaction in women

The female-equivalent of Viagra is something of a sexual Holy Grail — no one knows if it works, or if it could even exist (though if it could, everyone's sure you wouldn’t be allowed to advertise it in prime-time). And now, it turns out, it might not even be necessary: women taking a placebo reported the same increase in sexual satisfaction as women taking Cialis in a new study. Lady boners, it turns out, are 90% inspiration and just 10% perspiration.

 

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Conservative group: No more gay TSA scanners

What could possibly be worse than a TSA scanner at an airport looking at a weird hologram of your dick? Obviously, a male TSA scanner looking at a weird hologram of your dick, and liking it. A conservative group has called for gay men and women to be banned from working as airport security people, for fear that they will derive sexual satisfaction from their job. Which, sucks, obviously, but it’s still funny when fear of terrorism clashes so neatly with fear of the gays.

 

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Bristol Palin makes a "safe-sex" PSA with Mike Sorrentino

“B. Palin” and “The Situation” teemed up to make a safe-sex video that acknowledges that teenagers are going to have sex, and that they should use condoms if they do. Which is a refreshing change, since for a long time, Bristol held the bizarre title of “most famous anti-sex teenager who also happens to be pregnant. ”

 

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Beyonce's perfume ad is too sexy for British TV

Beyonce has finally joined the legions of celebrities who — sick of being only sort of rich — decide to sell branded knickknacks and become proper tycoons. I.e., she's released a perfume. The ad for her fragrance was immediately banned in the U.K. for being too sexy, and while that’s obviously silly (and will probably help sales), I must admit, it is boob-fucking-tastic.