Love & Sex

This Week in Sex: Nov 26

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TSA pornography, naked Germans, and the iPhone app that claims it can enlarge your penis.

Furrygirl

DIY Pornographer makes TSA pat-down video

TSA scanners and pat-downs are less of a hassle and more of an opportunity for sexy times. First Gloria Allred came out saying that she “enjoyed” hers, and then DIY-pornographer FurryGirl donned some see-through underwear and made this video. It’s like I always say: when life gives you lemons, see if you can use them to get yourself off.

 

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Baby Boomers

Baby Boomers have terrible sex lives

The Baby Boomers have been kind of a disappointment. The Man has not been fucked, Love is not free, and in fact, it might not even be very good. In a new study, more than a quarter of forty-five to sixty-five year olds are completely dissatisfied with their sex lives – the most of any group. The happiest group, unsurprisingly, is the young, but in a close second come the elderly — in a surprise coup for the ‘age-is-just-a-number’ camp — or for the guys at Pfizer.

 

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Statue

Italian Prime Minister under fire restoring missing penises to statues

Everything Silvio Berlusconi does makes him look like a douchebag — even art restoration. The Italian PM is under criticism from academics and art-lovers for restoring the missing penises to a bunch of second-century statues in his palace. Apparently, the penises are magnetic and didn’t damage the statues. Which makes you wonder, why is everyone so upset? And also, where can you get magnetic penises?

 

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Naked German

Naked German escaping from trunk spotted on Google Street View

The headline of this story makes several weird suggestions. Escaping? Why would you assume that he was required to be in the trunk? Is that a German thing? Is it relevant that he’s German or just funnier? (Funnier). Also, why is no one talking about the dead dog?

 

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iPhone Guy

New iPhone app will enlarge your penis with hypnotherapy

A new iPhone app is making a common claim: It will enlarge your penis. The app, which is free, contains no vitamins, supplements, pumps, or porn. Rather, it hypnotizes you and then tells you positive things about your penis. If you thought pocket-dialing was embarrassing, just wait until your phone starts cooing “Who’s a big, big boy?” in the middle of a meeting.

 

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Computer Guy

Female sex blogger is actually a male pedophile

A popular female sex blogger has been revealed as a middle-aged man living in Delaware. Which wouldn’t be a big deal, ordinarily — since anonymity is half the fun of the internet. Except that he used his lady-avatar to get pictures of lady-children. Which is pedophilia, and a crime, and generally no good.

 

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Husband admits abortion vote is a hoax. Wife gets fired anyway

Good news: those crazy people in Minnesota who put their decision whether to have an abortion to an internet vote have admitted that they whole thing was a hoax. The bad news is, the woman still lost her job. Actually, that might also be good news.

 

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Jonathan Franzen Book

Jonathan Franzen is nominated for the Bad Sex award

There should be a special term for the pleasure you feel watching an over-hyped (but, okay, still good) author hit a rough patch. Jonathan Franzen, who has gone from “Great American Novelist” to “not even nominated for the National Book Award” in just a couple months, got another nom this week: The Bad Sex Award, awarded by the British (takes one to know one) to the novel with the worst sex-passage of they year. If you’ve read the book, you probably think he should win.

 

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Tilted Head Girl

Science: The key to looking sexy is tilting your head

A new study, which asked men and women to look at 3D models and rate them in terms of sexiness, found that men are more attractive with their heads tilted backwards, women with their heads tilted forwards. Scientists theorized that this has to do with the height difference between men and women, as they walked around bumping into things and staring at the ceiling.

 

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Flasher

Woman berates Subway flasher. Becomes internet hero

A sassy, hassled New York woman chewed out a man who showed her his penis on the subway and became an internet hero overnight. Mostly because it’s great to see someone like that guy get the humiliation he deserves (gets off on?). But also because of the glee with which the guy filming mutters “Oh man, this is going straight to YouTube.”