Love & Sex

This Week in Sex: Oct 29

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Sexy hobbits, glowing prostitutes, and the reason a fifteen-inch penis tattoo is never a joke.

Hobbits

Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit will feature some sexy, shorter gentlemen

When you hear the word “hobbit,” you probably think of many things: droll, short, Danny Devito with a beard, etc. Sexy, however, isn’t probably one of them. Well, Peter Jackson is out to change that — the just-announced cast for The Hobbit is full of hunky, young things vying to to be the new geek-girl crush du jour — Legolas, but cherubic and four-feet tall.

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Andrey Ternovskiy

Chatroulette founder says profit is up, penises are down

Andrey Ternovskiy — the seventeen-year-old Russian high-schooler and founder of Chatroulette — dismisses claims that the site is dying. In fact, he claims that penis sightings are down to one in two hundred. Rumors that he gave the statement wearing a Scream mask while masturbating have so far proven unfounded.

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Tattoo

Australian man sued after a tattoo “joke.”

There are many reasons to think twice about getting a tattoo. What will it look like when you’re older? What if she breaks up with you? Or what if the tattoo artist, instead of a drawing a big dragon on your back, tattoos “a sixteen-inch penis” and an obscene, misspelled slogan “implying you’re gay.” You know, as a joke.

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Broadway Musical Orgasm

Stephen Sondheim tried to insert a mid-song orgasm into Sweeney Todd

You don’t get to be as famous as Stephen Sondheim without pushing some boundaries. And yet, it wasn’t until I read his new book that I realized all the envelopes he’d pushed; Sondheim penned the first use of the word “fuck” in a Broadway musical and the first mid-song orgasm. Both were cut before production, but still, I respect the effort.

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Prostitutes in Spain Ordered to Wear Safety Vests

Lawmakers in rural Spain are cracking down on prostitutes, not for selling sex, but for creating traffic hazards. To crack down, the women are now required to wear reflective vests with their thigh-high boots. Somewhere in Spain, someone with a crossing-guard fantasy is feeling very, very happy.

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David Arquette and Courtney Cox

David Arquette "Cried" the First Time He Had Sex After Separation

Break-ups can be rough. However, few among us have the opportunity to spill the sad, personal details of our coping mechanisms across the internet. Maybe David Arquette thought it would be therapeutic to tell Howard Stern that he wept the first time he had sex after breaking up with Courteney Cox. Maybe he thought he’d garner sympathy. Or maybe he just wasn’t thinking.

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3D Sex Film

The world's first 3D sex film draws international tourists

Hong Kong is screening the world’s first 3D sex film — to hit the big screens, presumably, since I’ve had a copy of the XXX This Ain’t Avatar 3D on my desk for weeks. And tourists from the censorship-heavy mainland are booking trips to the island just to see it. I could argue that ordinary sex already takes place in three dimensions — and it doesn’t require a travel visa — but what fun would that be?

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Sex Education

Barack Obama puts 110m into a not-abstinence-only sex-ed program

Barack Obama has kicked off a $110-million-dollar sex-ed program with a multi-pronged approach — delaying sex among teens and also teaching contraception and sex-safe practices. It only took a big resurgence in teen-pregnancy rates, Bristol goddamn Palin, and a literal Noah’s Ark-load of scientific evidence for us to realize that “abstinence-only” just doesn’t work.

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Mary Louise Parker reads us bedtime stories

In a seven-part series with Esquire, Weeds star Mary Louise Parker reads us bedtime stories — lying in her bed, wearing nothing but her underwear. Which is awesome because, you know, reading is educational. So what if you get too worked up to actually fall asleep?

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Linday Lohan in a Miniskirt

A small Italian village bans mini-skirts

The mayor of a small Italian town has banned miniskirts in an effort to “ facilitate better civil coexistence.” It’s the consequence of a recent move by Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi handing down more power to local officials. However, given Berlusconi’s reputation as just about the sleaziest womanizer ever, I can’t imagine he’s pleased.