Love & Sex

Blind Date with: a Keyboard that Hides Your Hot Mess

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I imagine that a lot of you are having sex at work, sneaking into the copy room or the supply closet for a quickie, stealing kisses in the elevator, sweeping things dramatically off your desk in order to create room for the horizontal mambo. I also imagine that it gets quite messy (I can only imagine, as I work from home, and there is no one here to have sex with). Between the lube, the body chocolate, and your natural juices, I imagine that your office supplies tend to get a little…dirty.

Which is why I decided to try out Kensington’s washable keyboard on your behalf.


[39.99, Kensington]

Now, admittedly, I don’t often get lube on my keyboard. The most I have to worry about are cat hair, crumbs, and coffee.

And once, I spilled an entire mug of tea with honey across my deks, and all of the keys on my then-keyboard became stuck. (That was unfortunate.)

But I figured that a washable keyboard was a washable keyboard, no matter what you’re spilling on it, and that you’d get the idea.

So first, I used the keyboard for a couple of months, waiting for it to get dirty. My last keyboard was absolutely filthy, so I figured it wouldn’t take long. Unfortunately (for me), Kensington’s keyboard has been treated with an antimicrobial coating, meant to defend against molds, mildews, fungi, and stains. So it practically repelled dirt, making the whole “washable” aspect sort of unecessary.

Finally, however, I felt that my keyboard was ready for a good, soapy submersion.

I took it over to the sink, deciding to warm up with some already-dirty items that were laying there. Then, I moved onto the main event.

It felt like was performing a juggling act, trying to be thorough, yet taking care not to get the USB cord wet. I also puzzled over how to deal with the most troublesome spots: the sides of the keys themselves. Finally, after a good scrubbing with my kitchen sponge, things looked squeaky clean. I placed the keyboard in my drying rack, deciding to use the time it would take to dry to seek out good office sex images on my laptop.

About an hour later, I had added Mad Men to my Netflix queue, and the keyboard was — for the most part — dry. I wiped it down with a dishrag, just to be safe, and plugged it in, managing to leak water all over my desktop. (Note to self: Let it dry longer next time.)

And then, I wrote this post, without any incident. Success!

You’re welcome, you filthy office affair-havers.