Love & Sex

Call In Sick; Stay In Bed With Your Lover

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When you’re laying in bed with your partner and the sexy time kicks in in the AM, you just want to lay there and sleep in. And do it again. And then sleep. And then probably do it some more times. Then eventually wake up to get some food.

There usually comes the point where you both say, “Hey, we should just call in sick today!” But it never happens, usually because rationale kicks in and you realize it’s probably not worth using one of your sick days.

Personally, I just don’t call in sick because I’m awful at it. I tend to make the mistake of creating too elaborate of an excuse, then feeling riddled with guilt, and going in anyways!

But I’m sure my girlfriend would certainly appreciate it if I were able to call in sick properly . Not only that, but this act shows a total disregard for work and way more thought about the person you’re laying in bed with — guaranteed to result in bouts of sexy time and lazying about through the day.

According to this wikiHow, they advise to keep the story short and act sick the day before (if it’s not a spontaneous absence).

If you have trouble coming up with excuses like I do, check out the Sickday Excuse Generator — a generator of mostly plausible sick day excuses (“I fell out of bed and broke something.” C’mon). 

And the most ridiculous thing: an actual training program in calling out sick called “Best Sick Excuses: Volume 1, which comes with a DVD and manual and costs $14. Totally unneccessary. This guy, Matt, claims to have been an employer who has heard every excuse in the book and seeks to only let consumers know the good ones that actually fly. 

I think I’ll just say I ate some bad fish.

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