Accents, definitely. If a girl has an accent, like a French accent or an Australian accent I am instantly more attracted to her. I like English accents too. It makes everything she says seem so much smarter, and I’m really into smart girls.
Do you ever wish you had an English accent so you could sound smarter?
[Laughs] No, I don’t think it would go with my whole look. I’m okay on my own, I think.
What’s your style dealbreaker? Anything on a girl that’ll instantly turn you off?
No, I’m not too picky. I don’t want to discriminate too much, but I do like a girl who looks well put-together. It doesn’t really matter too much what she’s wearing as long as it seems like she put a little thought into her look before leaving the house. That said, showing a little skin doesn’t hurt.
So if a girl is super preppy or super hipster, it doesn’t matter as long as her outfit’s together?
Yeah actually, I dated this girl once who could wear all kinds of different stuff. Like one day she’d be in white shorts and a polo shirt, and then the next day she’d meet me at a bar in skinny jeans and Chucks. She could pull off all the different looks.
What’s the one thing you see on people these days that makes you cringe?
Oh man, working here [in a laundromat], so much shit! Gross-ass socks, nappy pit-stained t-shirts, underwear, all that stuff. But you know, I see all the things nobody shows off in public, all the sweatpants and everything, so you know, it’s hard to say I guess
Okay, what about in terms of current fashion trends?
Those cropped shirts girls are wearing now, with the wide boxy shoulders. They don’t look that great on everyone. You’ve got to be real fit to pull that off.
What do people tell you is the sexiest thing about you?
Oh wow, I don’t know. I’ve gotten eyes and hands, but I get the smile a lot. I’ve got a wide mouth and big teeth so it’s pretty noticeable.
What would you wear if you were determined to have a one-night stand?
Smelling fresh and good is the most important. I don’t think it matters so much to girls what guys wear. Like, girls think it matters to them, and they have all these preferences and “dealbreakers” like you said, but in the end none of that matters because some of the most ridiculous looking guys get laid all the time.
In that case, what’s the worst outfit you’ve ever gotten laid in?
Well like I said, I don’t really think it’s about the clothes. However, I recently got laid when I was not looking or smelling my best. I’d been riding my bike all day, went to work, went out drinking – I was probably a disgusting combination of beer and sweat smells – but this chick I was seeing bootycalled me basically, and I went over. I figured fuck it, I don’t have time to go home, I’ll just see what happens. I felt kind of bad showing up like that, but she went for it.
The heart wants what it wants. What’s something you’ve seen a girls apartment that made you bolt?
Like a turnoff? I’d say stuffed animals on the bed. It weirds me out completely. I sometimes sleep with younger women, but not that much younger. You’re a grown-ass woman, put the stuffed animals away. No man wants to be reminded of the fact that you used to be a little child.
I take it you’ve had problems with this in the past?
I have, actually. And its worse because I have a daughter of my own. I can’t have those two aspects of my life crossing over, you know?