Love & Sex

Roundup: An Office Affair

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You see each other every day, but you still haven’t gotten to first base. Hell, you haven’t even gotten out of the dugout. Yep, you’ve got a serious office crush, and not even your cubicle walls seem to notice. Fortunately, these five simple steps will make you the master of coworker seduction:

1. Be on Time

It may sound trivial, but the path to seduction starts as soon as your alarm goes off. Get up early and you’ll have plenty of time for primping, plus you’ll stroll into work looking relaxed and together (ie sexy and desirable). Wake up late and the only thing you’ll master is the trifecta of office turn-offs: bad hair, eye circles, and no breakfast. So to make waking up a little bit easier, it might be time to invest in a snazzy fabric alarm clock from Suck UK:


[Coming soon, Suck UK]

These alarms have a unique fabric face that’s made to order, so you can customize your perfect clock. Try a sophisticated houndstooth sans snooze button, and you’ll be raring to go when the morning rolls around.

2. Dress the Part

If you’re crushing on a coworker, chances are you’ve noticed — on more than one occasion — what your cubicle cutie is wearing. You better be sure that your own wardrobe can fashionably reciprocate. The best place to start? Shoes.

Shoes are the window to the fashionable soul, and spending some cash on a really nice pair will instantly perk up your entire ensemble. Guys, consider investing in a pair of wingtips by Duckie Brown:


[$295, Florsheim]

And ladies, it never fails to incorporate some flirty productivity into your footwear with Oxford-inspired heels:


[$550, Nordstrom]

3. Organize to Impress

No matter how you feel about desktop organization, the fact is that nobody wants to hang out at a messy desk. File, pile, and consider bringing in your own organizational props:


[$10, Sirtified]

This capsule organizer has places for writing utensils, post-its, and stickies, all without taking up too much desktop room. Get that workspace in order, and I guarantee you’ll garner some well-deserved attention.

4. Stock up on Snacks

Let’s face it: the office is pretty mundane, and when your flame gets bored, she might just want a snack. Be her snack-provider in shining armor with this handy desktop vending machine:


[$160, Random Good Stuff]

Refrigerated and charmingly miniaturized, this vending machine will put snacks at your fingertips. And who knows, if you save your crush some snack money, she might just want to pay you back over dinner.

5. Take Good Notes

Lastly, you’ll need a notebook, for two good reasons: 1) keeping your assignments in order and staying on task will show your flame that your dedication runs deep, and 2) when you’re not working your eligible buns off, you should be noticing what your coworker is up to. What does she like to eat? Write it down, and bring her a treat she’ll savor. That family reunion she mentioned the other day? Write down the date and ask about it later. You get the idea. And just to ensure that you’ll always be ready, pick up one of these notebooks with a built-in pencil:


[$15, Useful Things]

Most of all, remember that your crush probably needs an office thrill just as much as you do. Find a few common interests, and you’ll already have the element of adventure on your side.