Love & Sex

Roundup: Hot for Teacher

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It seems like back to school is on everybody’s mind, and seeing as I’m a) graduated, b) blissfully childless, and c) still bitterly paying off my student loans, I can’t help but feel a little left out. After all, if the world revolves around the school year schedule, shouldn’t we all get to have some bookishly naughty fun come September? Fortunately, back to school can be just as sexy for us grown-ups as it is inevitable for the actual students out there:


[£125, Monocle]

Firstly, every good student knows that your bag says a whole lot about who you are. In other words, if you want your own version of some hot-for-teacher action, you better choose a tote that sends the right message. With these nautical-inspired canvas bags from the oh-so stylish Monocle Shop, you can do just that. Each bag comes with its own stencil set and Sharpie so you can say… well, exactly what you want.


[$15, CB2]

Sure you’ve traded your school desk for a completely mature workstation, but that doesn’t mean you can’t inspire that certain somebody in your office to participate in some after-school extra credit. CB2’s desktop chalkboard is about as adorable and studious as it gets; it’s sized at 8″ x 10″, comes with an upright stand, and features slots for chalk storage. And it’s way better than passing notes.


[$6 – $60, Russell and Hazel]

When it comes to organization, forget your iPhone and laptop — everybody’s got those, right? With Russell and Hazel’s snazzy line of handmade binders, you’ll joyously welcome old school organization back into your life. The binders are made from super-tough Davey Board, and they each come with a stylized linen spine. Carry it around and you’re guaranteed to garner some attention.


[$15, Joy of Socks]

While knee-high argyles might not be the best tool of attraction for the guys out there (though I’d like to see someone try…), they’re the perfect flirty accessory for us girls. They hearken back to the good old Catholic school days, in a completely naughty and suggestive way. Joy of Socks has every color combination imaginable, so go ahead — purchase a pair for every outfit you’ve got.


[$10, Amazon]

What was all that school good for if not a little bit of useless knowledge? Nowadays, whether you’re playing bar trivia or just trying to impress a new flame, a few tidbits of just such knowledge come in mighty handy. Brush up with this latest book from the Useless Information Society, which includes such intellectual gems as the worst name for a town in West Virginia and the coldest spot in the universe. Yep, you’ll be a bonafide — and duly irresistible — smarty-pants.


[$9 for 12, Personalized Pencils]

Okay guys, bear with me here. In the midst of all this back to school brainstorming, I think I might have discovered the best pickup method ever. If you’re hitting on teachers or scholars, that is. Which I try to. Often. Ready for it? Get your details and digits printed on a pencil, then nonchalantly loan it to the scholarly hottie of your choice. Brilliant, no?

And hey, if the above tools of attraction turn out to be purely academic, there’s always my personal favorite pickup line: if you were my homework, I’d lay you on the table and do you all night long. Now that’s classy.