Lord knows, the last thing I want to do is encourage some eager young lad to take me on a date that actually requires I go outdoors. I mean, the air is so thick, I feel as if I’m suffocating every time I step outside. But knowing what’s coming (winter) sort of makes me want to take advantage of the warm weather. Which is why I’m going to suggest that, if you actually do venture outside, you do something involving water.
1. Spend a day at the swimming pool. If you’re not lucky enough to know someone with a backyard pool and grill, take a chance on the nearest public swim club. They’re usually dirty and crowded and — chances are — some kid peed in the water, but at least the water’s cool.
Bring your cutest swimsuit and coverup, a pair of flip-flops, a generously large towel, suntan lotion, sunglasses, and your favorite floating apparatus. Of course, with all that crap to carry, you’ll also need a roomy tote:
2. Take a day trip to the beach. You guys could lay out together, incredibly close to naked, and then cool off in the ocean. If you’re up to it, you could rent some boogie boards…or bring one of your own:
[$79.95, Sports Unlimited]
At night, you could walk the boardwalk, wasting money on boardwalk games, and stuffing your face on boardwalk foods.
3. Try water sports. You could start slow with a paddle boat for two, ease your way into canoeing or kayaking, and finally graduate to jet skiiing (exhilarating) or white water rafting. Once your adrenaline’s pumping, you’ll want to bring that exxxtreme energy to the bedroom. Near-death experiences only bring us closer, right?
As an alternative to flip-flops, I suggest water shoes:
4. Finally, Try a water park.
But wear a one-piece.
Seriously. One time, I went down one of those slides and, when I hit the water, my bikini top flew up.
[$45, American Apparel]
(Pssst! The best part? At this time of year, most of your basic waterwear is on sale!)