Love & Sex

Tools of Seduction: Wear a Tuxedo (Down There)

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At first I thought that condoms were condoms — a mildly unsatisfying necessity. But since it’s a necessary evil, I have no choice but to concede to the purchase of such things. So before making my trip to Babeland to pick up my usual mixtape of condoms, my friend turned me onto Lifestyles Tuxedo Black condoms.

Her: You should pick up the tuxedo condoms.
Me: Why?
Her: They’re all black. It’s pretty sexy and sleek.
Me: I don’t get it. What’s the point? Do they feel good?
Her: They’re fine. Just buy it. Stop arguing with me.
Me: Okay!

So taking her advice, I picked up one of these. I was still skeptical: what could a black condom possibly do to make things sexier? You’d be surprised!

After getting back to my girlfriend’s apartment at 4:30 am from a movie, we managed to scrounge up a little energy for some hanky panky. We fooled around a little bit and then got ready for the main course (oof, that was really corny). I grabbed the first condom I could and slipped it on. It was the Tuxedo condom and, I have to say, it looked pretty sleek, like a sexy sports car with a brown person attached. We both stopped for a second to admire the condom, probably the best looking one I’ve ever used, and then we got back to business. But in that brief second, our excitement levels, and her attraction to me, definitely increased a bit. As for the actual feel of the condom, it’s just your standard condom. No complaints, but nothing to praise — though that black hue is seriously sexy.

Get a 24 pack of these for ridiculously cheap from Amazon.

What other cool-looking condoms have you folks out there in Internet-land used? 

[$4, Amazon]