While vacationing in Granada, Spain, I met a charming Brit and became instantly smitten by his sexy accent and copious stores of cheap sangria. Since we were staying in different rooms with multiple bunkmates, we searched the hostel for the perfect spot to consummate our fling. We found it on the roof, where I attempted to sit on the railing, which would have no doubt resulted in me plunging to my death with one errant thrust. When that failed, we settled on the bathroom in the lobby. He left the next day, but I was able to pat myself on the back when another guest at the hostel openly wondered about the upside-down hand prints on the bathroom mirror.

— Eva

I was on a cruise in college with about thirty other guys. One night, at one of those big dressy dinners in the ballroom, I got my waiter to bring a girl I'd been making eyes with a note on a napkin that said "Do you like me? Check yes or no," with a rose folded in it.

I got back a note telling me to meet her outside when the first course came out. My room was nearby, and within minutes we were tearing each other's clothes off and meandering towards the shower. She ended up against the wall with her legs wrapped around my waist under the now-running shower. I tried to close the bathroom door, since the shower was soaking everything, and accidentally slammed it on her thumb. She screamed, but didn't stop. We finished and went back up to the dining room, where we got a standing ovation from the first few tables and the waiter who'd carried the notes. We were absurdly disheveled and both completely drenched and giggling. Her thumb was broken.

— Brian

He had been trying to hook up with me the whole year we lived abroad in China, but I never gave in because he had a girlfriend back in the States. After a year of celibacy though, my sexual frustration was reaching the tipping point.

We were with a large group at an obnoxious expat club, like every other Saturday night. He came up to me on the dance floor, aggressively kissing my neck and grabbing my breasts before dragging me outside of the club.

We ended up in a kiddy carnival. He had me bent over one of the rides (a flying car) for a while until we noticed the early morning light. We moved to a new location for more privacy, against a building shaded by some bushes. We thought we were in the clear for awhile, and I started to really enjoy myself, until I looked to my left. There, maybe four feet away from us, an old Chinese woman was going about her business, watering the bushes, completely unfazed.

— Megan

Submit to our next round-up: Formative Porn Experiences. Did you brave the attic to steal your dad's old Playboys? Or stumble across a VHS copy of Basic Instinct? Whatever your first experience with smut was, we want to know about it. Send your best story (150-250 words) about your first experience with pornography, to submissions@nerve.com. We won't print your full name, so please don't skimp on the details, but please, no recaps or play-by-plays. We're looking for funny stories, not reviews of New Wave Hookers. (We've seen it, and it's great.)