Love & Sex

15 Fictional Characters We Want To Sleep With

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Our readers think inappropriate thoughts about made-up people.

Without a doubt, I'd throw down with Lewis Skolnik (Revenge of the Nerds). First, I'm a total sucker for nerds. Pretty is nice, but smart is sexy. Second, the man was good enough in bed (or in the Moon Bounce room, more accurately) to steal the cheerleader from the quarterback. And as he says, when Betty Childs questions how he got he so good, "'All Jocks ever think about is sports, all we ever think about is sex." — Jessica

 

Jack Donaghy and I are perfect for each other. I would hate him. I would be a challenge. I’d be a page like Kenneth and he’d resent his attraction to me, but give me deep-voiced compliments anyway. They would haunt my dreams until we starting hooking up in NBC broom closets. I’d become too needy and he’d leave me for Arianna Huffington. — Caitlin

 

Mystique from X-Men: sure, she's scaly and blue, but she's sexy, despite her texture, and she can become any hot swimsuit model I want. Then, she can shape-shift into Louis C.K. and make me laugh. Perfect. — John

 

Jackie Ames from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. She's tall, beautiful, motivated, and at least twice as good at basketball as I am — what else do you need? She also bears a striking resemblance to Tyra Banks. — David

 

Dominique Francon from The Fountainhead sounded like she was a babe. — Mike

 

Josef Kavalier from Kavalier & Clay. He’s a trained escape artist, and an innovative comic-book illustrator to boot. He survives so much and effectively channels his suffering into his art — which is no small feat. He doesn’t really care about impressing the likes of Salvador Dali, but rather he makes amazing art because he has to. The latter fact renders him both modest and charmingly ill-at-ease in social situations. He’s tall and lanky. Oh, and he’s from Prague, so he’s got a Czech accent too. — Julia 

 

The Addams Family matriarch has always done a certain "thing" for me, be it the original incarnation played by Carolyn Jones or the more recent Angelica Houston version. I don't know if it's the neo-Bettie Page thing with the porcelain skin and the pitch-black hair, or the fact that she has a carnivorous plant, but man, Gomez is a lucky guy. — Alex

 

Paul Denton from The Rules of Attraction. He’s rich, sexually conflicted, and knows where to get Valium. But, when he’s alone in his hotel room, he still puts on George Michael’s “Faith” and has underwear dance parties. — Ian

 

Esmeralda Weatherwax, of Terry Pratchett's books. She is tough, proud, smart, cynical, and like eighty-years old. Needless to say, there are very few female characters out there like her! — Niki

 

Batman. From square-jawed after-school-cartoon Batman (which was the best cartoon ever) to Christian Bale, I love Batman, in pretty much any interpretation. Minus George Clooney. He was not Batman. He was an E.R. doctor in a cape. — Rachel

 

Rufio, Rufio, Ru – fi – OOOOO!!!  — Liz

 

My heart is Holden Caulfield's. He wouldn’t mind that my nails are bitten down and that I’m an illogical checkers player. If Sally Hayes won’t, I'll run away with him to Vermont and live somewhere with a brook and all, in protest of making a lot of dough and reading newspapers and playing bridge all the time. We could both go out west and pretend to be deaf-mutes, to avoid all the phony conversation. I’d slip into the closet in which he played piano, to assure himself he wasn’t showing off.  — Tess

 

Michael Alig in Party Monster. He's damaged, slender, nineteen, and just gay of center. Would that be creepy in real life? Yes. But that’s why it’s fictional. — Ben

 

Though I have a history of dating slender and slight pretty boys, I get woozy and weak when watching Detective Robert Goren on Law & Order: Criminal Intent, as played by the big and burly Vincent D'Onofrio. Even though he's overweight, graying and a good fifteen years my senior, Goren gets me with his keen insight and incredible intelligence. I've caught myself fantasizing about handcuffed police interrogations, Goren's head characteristically cocked to the side as he draws out the thoughts in my head I've never spoken before. — Katarina

 

I'd go with MST3K's Tom Servo. He’s funny, he lives far away, watches shitty movies, can't get me pregnant, and would definitely bother my parents more than my becoming a lesbian or dating outside of my race. Also, I'd assume that as a robot, he wouldn't have any strong feelings about me sleeping with the rest of the people/robots on his ship, so I wouldn't really have to be bogged down by commitment. — Jenny


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