15 Stories: Meeting the Parents

“My parents are in town, sweetheart. I think we should grab a drink.”

I was watching a movie over at my girlfriend's house, and she fell asleep on the couch. I was in a chair. Nothing was going on; it was completely innocent. But then her Dad, whom I’d never met, came home, flung open the door, and shouted, "What the hell is going on in here?" For a minute, I sat there, scared shitless — until my girlfriend woke up and said, "Oh, he's just fucking with you." Later, both of her parents came down and said hello. They were quite nice. — Brandon

 

My parents left to go see a movie one night, so I had my boyfriend come over while they were out. My parents had never met my boyfriend before, and I had no plans to introduce them at that time. So my boyfriend came over and we started messing around in the kitchen. I started to give him a blowjob in front of the refrigerator, when all of a sudden my boyfriend pushed my head away and frantically started pulling for his jeans. Apparently the movie my parents wanted to go see was sold out, so they had stopped by a Blockbuster and rented some movies instead. My parents then sat us down on the couch in the living room to tell us the "rules" of the house, none of which allowed BJs in the kitchen. — Kelly

 

When my boyfriend introduced me to his parents, he was also coming out. So, high stakes. I was terrified we'd end up re-enacting a scene from Le Cage Aux Folles and swore that I'd come off as confident and not overly gay. I was especially nervous about his dad, with whom I kept trying, and failing, to start a conversation. Finally, mid-meal, I said, “This fish is really good." "What?" he shouted. I repeated myself. He still didn’t hear. My boyfriend’s mother, taking pity on me, grabbed her husband’s arm and said, “He said, ‘The fish is fabulous. It’s de-lish!” There they were, the queeny words I'd vowed not to say. His dad didn't respond, but just gave me a bewildered stare. I stared at my plate. — Ben 

 

I was at a house party with my boyfriend and had too much to drink. My boyfriend decided to bring me home to his parents’ house to sleep it off. He had forgotten his key, though, so we had to ring the doorbell to be let in. Right as his mom opened the door, I threw up all over her feet. That was our introduction. — Madie

 

My girlfriend was moving. I’d planned to come by and help her pack, and then take off before her parents came. But they arrived early. After I helped her father carry the heavier items to his truck, he insisted that I come with them to their house, an hour away, and eat dinner. Of course, he also insisted I ride with him instead of in my girlfriend’s car. We arrived, and I was promptly escorted to the keg he kept in his garage. Six-odd beers later I was encouraged to play catch with his son — a baseball player. The first pitch caught me in the face at fifty m.p.h. — Shawn 

 

For years, my parents and I had joked about meeting my first boyfriend. When I found myself with a guy, we put our plans into action. My dad placed a baseball bat, an axe, and a rifle in strategic locations around the living room. When my boyfriend arrived, my dad sat him down on the couch and had him fill out an application. My mother and I laughed quietly in the kitchen. He was a good sport and answered the questions to my father's satisfaction. Then we had a lovely dinner. He left with my parents' blessing. — Alanna

 

It was six weeks into my relationship. I went over to my girlfriend's parents' house after Thanksgiving dinner, and joined a group of people who were talking with her dad, who’d had a few drinks. He was in the middle of a story, so I sat there, smiling and laughing at the appropriate parts. Abruptly, he stopped mid-sentence, turns, and says, "Who is this kid? I don't like him. He's just all smiles and no words. I don't like him at all." I just kind of got this stupefied look on my face and backed out of the group. Later in the night, he walked into a room where I was hanging out with his daughter. He looked at her without acknowledging me and said, "Oh, he's still here. I don't like him." And then walked out. The next morning he claimed to her that he really liked me and had no memory of confronting me. — Mike

 

I was dating a girl named Dani in high school, and the first thing she said to me before I met her parents was, "My dad's kind of sensitive about his height, so don't like, wear boots or anything when you meet him." Naturally, when I went to meet him, I wore Chuck Taylors, because this guy was short. Like, 5'4". I'm 5'8", not exactly Shaq, but also tall enough to have him lose the dad-intimidation factor. That is, until he said, "I'm Tom," and I said, "Hi, I'm Short." Might have been able to play it off by telling him my middle name was "Round" and that my parents were big fans of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, but I didn't react swiftly enough. Needless to say, not a lot of dinners at Dani's house were in my immediate future. — Alex

 

I'd been dating this guy casually, but he obviously wasn't into it anymore — not returning calls or texts — and it sucked, because I really liked him. One night I went to a mutual friend's art showing, knowing he'd be there. I gave him this whole “I'm too good for you” speech, very impassioned. When I’d finished, without missing a beat, he grabbed two sophisticated and well-dressed individuals at his side, and introduced me to his mom and step-dad. — Jessica

 

The first time I met my boyfriend's mother and sister, my boyfriend wasn't even there — he was at work. I was really nervous, especially because the restaurant was my pick and they gave us the worst table — we were practically inside the bathroom. Luckily, we bonded over the one thing that brings all humans, regardless of class or creed, together: rosemary fries. I think we talked about rosemary fries for a good hour. The restaurant is now out of business, but we’re good friends. — Cait

 

My boyfriend was moving into a new apartment and had asked me to help him decorate. I had big plans to take him throw-pillow shopping when he called to say his dad was in town with nothing to do, and would I mind bringing him along? So the first time I met my boyfriend’s dad was dragging him around Crate and Barrel. FYI — men, regardless of their age, suck at throw-pillow shopping. — Carly

 

Once, my girlfriend and I took a road trip out to Chicago to spend the afternoon checking out art museums. My girlfriend is originally from the area, so before we left to go home to Wisconsin she informed me that her parents had invited us for an early dinner at their house. It was such a spur of the moment thing that to decline the offer would have been rude. On the drive over, I nearly had a panic attack: all I knew about her parents up until that point were that her Mom had a Xanax prescription and that her Dad possibly had Mafia ties. Of course, they turned out to be charming — her Dad was very jovial over a meal of beef steaks and french fries, and afterwards her Mom gave me a tour of their giant collection of Pez dispensers in the basement. — Austin

 

I wanted to take this girl to my high-school semi-formal. I was a freshman, this innocent little fourteen-year-old — I'd never even kissed a girl before. In order to take her to the dance, I had to go over to her family's house for dinner. After dinner, her father pulled out a binder, told everyone else to leave, and then grilled me on religion and sex for about half an hour. He made sure I was Christian, told me I shouldn't make friends with people of other religions, because we wouldn't have enough in common to sustain a relationship, and then told me that his rule regarding his daughter was "hands and lips off." After the dance, her father and and her whole family drove me home in their van. In total silence. Hands and lips off. — Billy 

 

Seth, my current husband, first spoke to my dad when he called him to ask my dad to bail him out of jail. Seth ended up getting someone else to bail him out, but that was my dad's first impression of him. When they finally met in person, my dad caught Seth staring at my boobs, and glared. Seth saw that he’d been caught, but instead of looking away, just stuttered out a question about a design on my dress. They are very good friends now. — Kristen

 

I'd actually known my girlfriend's parents for my entire life — they were friends of my parents. But it wasn’t until I the second I started dating her that I “met” them. Everything changed. I started to act weird around them, and they reciprocated. There's something about shaking hands with a man who's daughter you're routinely sleeping with. What had previously been a friendly relationship turned into stony silence every time I saw them. And it didn’t get better when we broke up. — Dan

 

Commentarium (21 Comments)

Jun 17 11 - 6:48am
Biggie Smalls

I don't know why people always make such a big deal out of it. Good stories though!

Jun 17 11 - 8:41am
VoR

My wife brought me home from college to meet her parents after a few months of dating. As we pulled up to the house, her dad was coming out of the house with a box. When she started introducing us, he handed me the box and told me to help him pack his car. It turns out that her parents had broken up and he was moving out. Some couples might have taken this as a bad sign for their relationship, but we're still happy together sixteen years and three children later.

Jun 17 11 - 10:16am
girlJ

The first time I met my boyfriend's mother, she coolly offered me her hand and said, "Bonjour. Comment allez-vous?" I speak French, but English is my first language (and hers), so I assumed that the only reason she would speak French was to put me off my guard. Then my boyfriend's daughter swanned up to us and said disdainfully, "Grandmama, she speaks English, you know!" Mom and I both laughed, and the ice was well and thoroughly broken. It turned out she was as horribly nervous as me, and four years later, we're great friends (and my beau and I are still together).

Jun 17 11 - 11:20am
LKM

I don't have any memorable stories, but my mom has a knack for awkwardly meeting my sister's boyfriends.

My mom's a bit of a prankster, so when my sister was 14 and brought home her first boyfriend, my mom busted out one of her favourite items - a fake hand. She stuck it up her sleeve, and when the boyfriend came in, she shook his hand and you could see all these thoughts running across his face. "Oh no, she has a fake hand. Oh no, is she sensitive about it? Don't mention it, don't mention it." My mom thought it was hilarious.

A year later, that relationship had ended and my sister was housesitting across the street. The rule was she couldn't have boys at the house she was looking after. Driving home one day, my mom notices a boy hopping the fence into my sister's house. My mom give him a few minutes to get comfortable, then casually goes over to the house my sister is at, and drops in for a visit. "Are there any boys here?" my mom asked. My sister denied it, and my mom pushed the issue. Finally, my sister decided to settle the issue for once and for all - she pulled out her phone, and dialed a boy's number. "See, nobody here!" she announced. Only, in her panic, she'd called the boy who was there, and his ringer was on loud. My mom found the boyfriend cowering in the laundry closet, looking suitably embarrassed.

Jun 17 11 - 2:34pm
JJ

I dated a girl for 4 1/2 years, but the first time I met her mom was the night we decided to go to the drive-in. I had a pickup truck and thought that rather than spending the evening in the cab of the truck, I'd put a futon mattress in the back, and we could relax (and yes, make out) in comfort. As I was driving to pick her up, she called and said her mom wanted to meet me. Of course, rather than waiting for me in the house, her mom was actually waiting on the street, and saw the mattress in the back of the truck. It was like a big sign that said, "I'll be grabbing your daughter's breasts tonight. Nice to meet you."

Jun 17 11 - 3:59pm
TK

Met my college GF's father for the first time...he looked at me, looked at her and said "There's the door...run away from her while you still can." I was dumbstruck...and she was crying.

Jun 22 11 - 3:24am
X

@TK i feel you

Jun 17 11 - 4:00pm
dave1976

First time I met my wife's parents was after we'd been dating for about 6 months. She brought me to the wedding of a family friend, a hairdresser who was marrying a biker. This was actually pretty great for me, because her father spent the whole night shooting dirty looks at all the bikers who were circulating in and out of the bathroom to do lines of coke. I must have looked pretty impressive, by comparison, in my nicely pressed suit. 13 years later, we're married, and I have a pretty great relationship with my in-laws.

Jun 17 11 - 11:43pm
CarbonBasedOverlord

I had fallen into a lake drunk & my girlfriend left me in the car as she ran into her parent's house for dry clothes. I got out of the car to smoke & wandered over to a barn. Inside the barn I met my girlfriend's Dad as he gutted an elk.

Jun 18 11 - 8:18am
AnnM

I met my ex boyfriends father on my back with no shirt on, while my boyfriend was on top of me. He just opened the door, as he was knocking walked in looked at me and said.... "Excuse me Ma'am can you move your car?" .

Jun 18 11 - 11:07am
r.tist

I had been corresponding with a guy online for quite some time and was looking forward to meeting him. Turned out that I was going to be in his area working on a project but I had my mom and dog with me (we had been camping out). Mom was kind enough to drop me off at his place and take my dog to the park while he and I had dinner. When he flagged us to the right apartment he refused to make eye contact or approach the car to say hi, etc. WHU?! Really? This wan't 'MEETING' my parents so much as common courtesy. Needless to say the evening was a bit of a bust and he had several other odd not so endearing traits that doomed anything from the start.

Jun 19 11 - 9:25am
Vocal

COUPLES SHOULD ONLY INTRODUCE THEIR
PARENTS T'EACH OTHER AT THE WEDDING ALTER!

Jun 19 11 - 6:01pm
meola

My (now ex) girlfriend's parents had a "spare" house about an hour away from the college she and I attended. They had moved to a different house, yet another hour down the road, but kept this one for reasons I don't understand. One reason might be that it was full of fish: there must have been a dozen tanks in the living room.

Anyway, it also had a hot tub, and GF invited me to come with her one Friday evening to the empty house, because her parents asked her to go there to feed the fish. The plan was that we'd spend the night there before going somewhere else for the weekend, I don't remember where. Of course, just after we finished feeding the fish, her dad turns up - either he didn't trust his daughter to do the chore, or he knew she would be there and just wanted to see her.

So, she introduced me to him, and everything was fine until he realized our plan was to stay the night. He became very quiet, said a few resigned things to his daughter in their language, and left. My GF was worried the whole time about what her family was thinking about her, but I still remember that night very fondly despite that, and despite the momentary awkwardness with her dad.

Jun 20 11 - 8:54pm
Robert Paulsen

Three days after taking her virginity (I was 20, she was 18), we drove to her parents' house to do the meet and greet (and so they could officially give me permission to begin dating her). Her dad was a prison guard, and I had a number of slips of the tongue about whether I drank, had premarital sex, or otherwise did reckless things. Later that night, I met the grandparents as well, and her grandfather spun a long, meandering tale about working in Las Vegas and how people who messed with connected families ended up disappeared. At that point, her father decided he approved of me and defended me, but I really thought I was going to end up drowned at the bottom of one of the Great Lakes.

Jun 20 11 - 11:00pm
Rutherford B. Hayes

Christmas break, my first semester of college: I started hooking up hot and heavy with a girl whom I'd known in high school. We were in the basement of my parents' house, and I had tied her hands together above her head. Well, it was late, so my mother came downstairs to announce that it was time for the girl to go home. We heard her coming, and I managed to pull my captive gal upright, and throw a blanket over her lap, under which she hid her bound wrists. Fortunately, we were both clothed at that point. Well, we ended up having a rather lengthy conversation, L. with her hands hidden, myself, and my mom in her bathrobe. Surreal, to say the least. Eventually, she went back upstairs, and I quickly freed my by then almost shaking partner, and drove her home.

Jun 22 11 - 7:32pm
owenband

My girlfriend had asked me to meet her parents over Spring Break. "I know the're gonna hate you," she said. " Be prepared." We decided I'd wear a long sleeve shirt to cover my tattoos, leave my Jewish Star necklace at home and shave off my goatee. "I can't do anything about being circumcised,"I said. "Don't worry, she said. "When he realizes you're fifty-three , he's probably gonna try to cut off the rest."

Jul 22 11 - 9:35am
Geraldine

Thoghut it wouldn't to give it a shot. I was right.

Jul 25 11 - 12:58pm
Mirror

My boyfriend is English, I am Spanish. When she met me, the second sentence she uttered was "oh, I don't like foreigners. Well, I don't mean you, of course!". Of course. (She still doesn't like me).

Jul 25 11 - 1:03pm
Mirror

When my boyfriend's mum met me*, sorry.

Jul 17 12 - 5:15pm
AN

I was out with my boyfriend on a date. We were sitting in a car in a sketchy place by the beach when his car broke down and he had to call his parents. They both only speak Spanish while I only know English. It goes to say we had a very interesting meeting. In that broken down car waiting for his parents we had our first kiss.

Aug 10 12 - 11:01pm
Shannon

Im 14 and Im going out with my boyfriend for 11 months now. The first of his family member for me to meet was his 20 year old brother but that only happened because we had just started dating and we were shopping together then his brother came over to us and was wondering who I was then Cathal (My Boyfriend) this is my girlfriend then Cillian (His Brother) kept messing with us. About a month later Cillian had told Cathals family and insisted they had to meet me. Cathal walked to meet me before I met them and we were talking about his family and how nervous I was. Then when I went into his house his 3 brothers Ruairi,Cillian and Diarmuid his 3 sisters in law Siobhan,Sienna and Shona his nephew Kyle and his mum and dad. We all got talking and got on really well. Us two went into his Living room and watched a dvd. We cuddled and kissed he said his family wouldn't mind. Then his brothers and their girlfriends came in while we were cuddling and kissing, I was so mortified of what they would think. Thank god it all went well and now I get on so well with all his family and he gets on with mine. He has been in Australia for a month and hes back tomorrow going to the airport to see him:D CANT WAIT <3