Five Stories: Office Affairs

Our readers dip their pens in the company ink.

By Nerve Readers

Hard to Tell

Kevin was the first editorial assistant I was allowed to hire. He was twenty-three; I was just twenty-nine. I interviewed six candidates, but never thought for a minute that I was going to hire anyone else. In his suit, he looked like a college lacrosse captain dressing up as a business man for Halloween. You know how, when you first really have a crush on someone, it's hard to tell if they're a really great person, or if you just want to fuck them? That's why everyone should have to interview with a bag over their head — if someone tells you they can be completely divorce talent from looks and charm, they're lying. 

After that, things progressed like clockwork. I assigned him a desk near mine so I could look at the side of his head when I got bored. On Friday, I asked him out for a drink with a couple of co-workers, "to celebrate your first week." No one else stayed longer than an hour.

While he was blowing me up against the wall of my bedroom, I thought, "What a suck up," and almost laughed aloud.

As we sat, I realized I wanted to figure out if he was into me, or just being nice to his boss after his first week of work. At ten, I looked at my watch and said, "Wow, it's late. Do you want to get one more, or head out?” so he’d have a polite out. He said, "Let's get one more." Again, hard to tell. We were talking about work projects, and he was obviously an eager, ambitious kid. 

At eleven, we walked out, I followed him to his car, and then, surprising even myself, pushed him up against the door and kissed him. He kissed back. We went back to my house, and had very fun first-time sex. While he was blowing me up against the wall of my bedroom, I thought, "What a suck up," and almost laughed aloud.  

We kept having sex for about six months, usually just on Friday nights after work, only once in the office — on a Saturday when it was just him and me, under deadline. I recommended him several times for promotion, always glowingly, and always a bit guiltily, since as far as I could tell, no one knew we were boning. After six months, he got a bigger job in a different imprint.

And that's kind of the tricky part. I can definitely say that I didn't hire and promote someone who was unqualified, just because he was fucking me. But would I have been so nice to him, so quick to help him learn stuff, so unabashedly positive in my reviews? Would he have gotten promoted so fast? Hard to tell. — Jason

Submit to our next round-up. 15 Stories: Biggest Courtship Blunders. Remember that time, when you were certain you had it made with the man or woman of your dreams? And then you ruined everything with one ill-timed quip, spilled drink, or sneeze? Tell us about it 75-100 words, on our Facebook page or to submissions@nerve.com

Commentarium (6 Comments)

May 31 11 - 9:54am
Stokely

Jason, "hard to tell?" Really?! I've known enough talented, ambitious, take-on-every-extra-project-they-can-grab editorial assistants/assistant editors who are told by their supervisors/HR dept that they have to put in more calendar time to reach the next step. C'mon, be honest at least.

May 31 11 - 3:17pm
sweettreat

Never had the opportunity to seduce a coworker, but I enjoyed these stories nonetheless. I was surprised there weren't more messy after effects. I thought that was what happened to all of these kinds of relationships.

May 31 11 - 3:21pm
devo

I feel like they just tell you that to scare you. I've never actually known anyone to lose his job after sleeping w/ a coworker. Unless you're like that first guy..

May 31 11 - 10:30pm
LP

Funny, The Intern story sounds suspiciously like it could've happened at the Nerve offices!

Jun 04 11 - 5:47pm
Bee

Restaurants are notoriously incestuous. I've slept with a couple of co-workers, only once with awkward consequences. When I first got hired at my current bar, my trainer was really hot and just my type: tall, thin but kinda built, shaggy hair, nice eyes and smile. Luckily, he was also a pervy bastard and immediately hit on me. After a month of working there or so he showed up at my house one night with two tall-boys and we smoked out and listened to music, then had some no-holds-barred, almost-rough sex that was good but not great. He totally had a fiance and I knew about her, but she lived in Mexico and cheated on him all the time anyway. Or maybe she didn't, but I'm gonna be honest and just admit that I didn't care. I wanted to fuck him, and fuck him I did. We only did it that one night and get along well now. On that end it's all good but it is always weird when his girl comes in. I try to be nice to her. Perhaps it is merely my tell-tale heart beating away, but every time she glares at me I think she knows. And we'll probably have sex again. Preferably on the bar after we close.

Jul 22 11 - 4:46am
Melvina

I can't believe you're not plyaing with me--that was so helpful.