Not a member? Sign up now
Grand Gestures of Love Gone Wrong
Five true stories that prove it’s better to have loved and won.
By Nerve Readers
Brother for Life
Connor was apparently an heir. That was the second thing I learned about him. The first was that he was adorable. And the third was that he was latently gay.
I was a freshman in college, not latently anything, and we met at an “icebreaker” event. He was a senior; he’d snuck in, staggeringly drunk, with a female friend so they could amuse themselves by pretending to be small-town yokels. When the man in track pants asked us all “divide up by astrological signs!” I followed him and his friend out the back to his house.
Which turned out to be a fraternity, populated by somewhat athletic, very straight, good-natured young men. And he was their interloper king — fraternity president, captain of the sailing team, and a liar. We did cocaine off the back of a record, listened to the new Rilo Kiley album, and I spent the night. When I woke up, it was the third day of college and I was smitten.
Three months later, he convinced me to pledge. “For me. I need someone I can trust inside the house so I can finally be honest with everyone.” At the time, my friends were a rag-tag bunch of music nerds, bespectacled, thin, and far too edgy to understand joining a frat. Even ironically. And they could understand everything ironically.
So I did it, obviously. I stood on a coffee table in the dark and got shot with squirt guns full of cold water. I drank twenty four natty lights and then vomited into a barrel. I wriggled on my stomach through a maze of cardboard boxes filled with whipped cream and cold spaghetti and then ran off to meet my friends at a Grizzly Bear concert. I let them call me AlphaFag.
A few weeks later, a day into my second semester, the administration asked Connor to a “voluntary leave of absence” to deal with his burgeoning coke problem. At the next night’s pinning ceremony, I was named brother for life. — Benjamin Warren
Have you ever done something totally crazy in the aftermath of a breakup? Experienced temporary post-relationship insanity? Tell us about it! Submit your 300-500 word true story to firstname.lastname@example.org or click here for more information.